Date: October 03, 2015 12:20PM
Just a brief background about myslef: BIC in utah, five siblings, father extremely authoritative(all my childhood i was either afraid of or skeptical of all father figures and didn't understand that a father or husband or man could be good, loving and caring), always active in the church, I was always class president in beehives, mia maids, and laurels. I think i was the epitome of what a molly mormon was, even my mormon friends teased me for being so molly mormon. Everyone thought i was the sweetest thing that could do no wrong. When I was 18 I slipped and got pregnant (*gasp*!!), so my BF and I had a shot gun wedding (we are still married today, the best decision ever!) Fast forward 3 years and two kids later and things are going pretty well in our lives. We had been in our new ward for only a couple months, I'd say we were pretty active, only missed church here and there. Then one day the elder's quorum president and missionaries came to our house to talk about us getting sealed in the temple before my husband deployed (because what if something happened to him when he was gone??), and told us we had to do it to be a family for eternity. After he left I felt angry, because I felt like he was threatening us with our eternal salvation if we didn't do this. Move ahead two more years, and we finally decide it's time to get sealed in the temple, main reason being I was pregnant with our third child and we felt we needed to do this. The whole way there I just had a terrible feeling, I waved it off to it me just being nervous and satan trying to tempt me to stay away. And let's just say I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the whole temple endowments were just WEIRD(I remember thinking to myself, "is this the same church?")... Needless to say we never went back, and I'm glad we didn't. I always felt guilty for not going back, but now I'm grateful that I didn't subject myself to any more brain washing.
Two years later, we are still active in the church, full tithe payers, hold callings. Doing everything that a mormon family should (okay we didn't really do family prayer or family home evening, but we did bless the food every night!) Pretty sure I only missed church ONCE last year, haha!
And then it happened. Several months ago I started my journey into finding out the real truth behind the LDS church. For about two weeks I was living and breathing all things "anti-mormon." After learning about so many people who didn't leave until they already had grown children and were retired, I decided I needed to make a swift decision about my life. So I came to the conclusion that I needed to tell my husband my new understandings about the church, and that I no longer believed it was true. I'm so lucky to have such a caring and loving husband, he was totally understanding and told me it was okay. I made it a point to not blurt out all the things that were wrong with the church, because I wanted him to learn for himself and ask questions in his own time. Sure enough, later that day, he asked what were the reasons for not believing any more. So I briefly told him about a dozen problems with the church and added that I DID pray to know if the church was true and I NEVER got an answer and just assumed that it would come. I also just assumed the church was true because I was surrounded by people who believed it, so why not me? It was just the way it was. I also pointed out to him, would I be a mormon if i wasn't born into the church? What would I believe for myself? Our conversation continued and he agreed on many things.
Rewind to earlier in the week when my husband had been called into an interview by someone from the stake presidency, which means some kind of stake calling (he asked that we both go to the meeting so i could support him) When the stake president asked me to support him, i told him i would ( he was called as ward membership clerk BTW). About a week after that he was asked to renew his temple recommend since you need to be temple worthy to hold a calling at the stake level. By that time I had already came out to him as a nonbeliever. He came home from that and asked me if i still felt the same way about the church and I said yes. He told me he thought i just needed a little more faith, as if all the problems were with me and not the church! HAHAHA! A couple more weeks passed and I was beginning to think I was going to have to live as a NOM for the rest of my life, I envisioned myself lying in temple recommend interviews only to be able to attend my children's wedding ceremony, what I would do if i had been asked to do a calling or give a talk. I was not very happy and hit a low point, but pretty much accepted that this was my life. My family is way too important to me to divorce and start a new life. Then one sunday after *I* had already gotten myself ready, and all my kids ready for church, I was patiently waiting for my husband to get ready. But he didn't, I asked if he was going to get dressed already. He sat down beside me and said, "I don't think I can be apart of church whose prophet lied about being a polygamist." And that was it. I almost couldn't believe my ears!!! So now our newest pastime is watching videos, reading articles, and listening to podcasts about TSCC. But this morning I decided I need to put all that behind me and close that chapter in my life.
So now comes the part where I try to figure out how to simply leave the church without being bothered. I don't think we'll officially resign (yet anyway) because of my husbands family (his mom quit smoking and recieved her endowments because of us). I just want a clean break, but I don't see that happening because of our callings and us showing face every single sunday in the past. Luckily we are moving next spring so we most likely wont even move our records, I'm just hoping no one will track us down!