Date: July 29, 2018 02:57AM
I was a convert who believed in the church before I even knew its name. I met my first Mormons (missionaries) when I was 14 and wanted to join. But then they said some hateful McConkie stuff and I was confused. I had a crush on a Mormon girl when I was 17 and got baptized. I liked the Masonic stuff because my dad was a Mason. I assumed that the tendency towards leader worship was a product of the church's history of persecution rather than the cultishness it feels like. I was faithful, but couldn't go on a mission because the war in Vietnam was on and the church didn't want blah blah blah. Understand; not bitter. The upside was that I went inactive for my "hormones years," so I don't feel ripped off. When I got back active I was in a great singles ward and had lots of fun. I married a Mormon girl and got divorced 5 weeks later with the certain knowledge that, while I was LDS, I was definitely not Mormon. I feel badly about this. I dunked and married a wonderful girl and we have some great kids. We did home/visiting teaching, had FHEs, and nightly scripture studies. I unknowingly undid the pressure my kids say the church tried to put on them. My job required working most Sundays and that, combined with my obvious "otherness," kept me from ever having a calling that I didn't invent. Our oldest went on a mission anyway. He came home and reported that his mission had had nothing to do with anything that a non-Mormon might expect it to be about. Rather, for most it was a rite of passage at the end of which they would be rewarded with a cool car and a hot girl. That began my/our general disillusionment. Our oldest is a brilliant and sincere nerd, so he spent much of his time being bullied by bros from Idazonah who openly disrespected and despised the people in whose country they were guests. Having heard similar horror stories from the occasional sort of members who were our friends, everyone in my family except me went inactive. I kept going because there are some things that I still believe, and also because I believed I could make things better. Sigh. I gave up on going a month ago. I don't feel good or bad about my decision. I just don't think the church is good for me and, as I always feared, I don't think that there are enough people at church who care about me to make it worth their kindness. I started reading posts here and some other places. My real concern is for those of you who weren't born with a choice. Please accept my sincere thanks: your pain made it easier for me to break free of the tyranny of the voracious pride that rules all cults.
Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/29/2018 04:34AM by nayboor.