Date: August 13, 2018 01:21PM
I’ve been lurking here for about a week and finally decided to join, so ‘hi’. I technically ‘left the church’ (as far as I was concerned) back in 2008, when I got married to an absolutely wonderful nevermo. My mother had been inactive for over a decade but still very much a TBM and my dad left the church when I was a little kid. As a teenager, I was determined to be a perfect little Mormon girl so despite my parents ‘imperfection’ I would get rides to church every Sunday with various neighbors. I participated in YW and from the time I turned 12 until I turned 18, I never missed a mutual night, fireside, conference, baptism for the dead, or any other activity. I attended seminary all through high school and did everything I could to go above and beyond for the lds church. I paid tithing plus some with my earnings from my after school job. I honestly thought people would care that I was putting in so much effort, all on my own accord. As many of you are aware though, I was never actually good enough to be accepted. I was tainted goods as far as anyone in the lds church was concerned, my family just was too ‘bad’ for anything I did to overcome. All the good Mormon boys had no desire to date me, all but just a few Mormon friends (ironically, the ones that have also left the church now, go figure) saw me as a charity case. So I gave up shortly after turning 18, relief society sucked and the singles ward I got put in felt like a one way ticket to rejection and heartache. I started dating my future husband around this time. He was so much more respectful of me than any Mormon I’d ever known. I also started attending various other churches with him and seeing how much kinder and more accepting other Christians were. Then I found a bunch of the information about how fraudulent and dishonest the lds church really is. That was that and I decided I could no longer regard myself as Mormon and that I didn’t want any children I would have to have anything to do with the lds church (as much as is possible still living in Mormon Idaho). Well fast forward to now, we’ve been married for ten years and have four kids. I haven’t had so much as a second thought about leaving and I’ve been so much happier. My kids are happier than I was at their ages and have a much healthier view of the world. My extended family obviously knows that I don’t go to church anymore, but they’ve all assumed I had become like my mother. An inactive TBM. Well earlier this year, I actually joined the United Methodist Church and got baptized (because my Mormon baptism was BS, my husband just had to present his certificate from the Baptist Church and transfer). We sent invitations out to everyone, my husband’s family and my dad were the only ones who attended (and there was not even so much as an acknowledgement that the invitations were received by anyone in my family). My grandpa is now having a huge party for his 80th birthday and EVERYONE will be there. My whole great, big TBM family. Not one of these people has spoken to me since the baptism announcement and now I get to go confront them all at once and outnumbered. I love my grandpa so, so much, my best childhood memories are of him and my grandma so skipping the celebration is not an option. I’m not ashamed or unsure of myself in any way here, I guess I’m just afraid of the rejection I’m going to get. I KNOW it’s going to hurt. I’m afraid for my kids too, they’re not going to understand what’s happening. They have no concept of rejecting people and using god as an excuse. As far as they know, god loves and accepts everyone (something that gets said to them at church every Sunday).