As I write this, I can't help but think of the LeAnn Rimes song "One Way Ticket".

My story starts in the fall of 2006, the day after Thanksgiving, when the missionaries knocked on my apartment door for the first time. Asked if they could share a Christmas message with me. Seeing that I had knew one of the members of the church, and that he sent them, I allowed them in.

After they had finished, and they hooked me with the story of Joseph Smith, I was enamored with my new found faith. Baptism happened December 30, 2006, confirmed the following morning on New Years Eve (which was a Sunday).

The first year or two were not so bad. Things started downhill quickly when I told my bishop I played a card game or bet on a horse now and then (My dad bought and sold racehorses for a living, the races put food on my family's table) though he never convened a "court of love", our relationship was never the same.

Fast forward to year 3, when the church secretary took it upon himself to grill me about my tithing. I was unemployed at this time, and could honestly give no money at all, I was living with my parents, who were not members. I went inactive shortly after that conversation and never honestly became active again.

In year 4, the bishop was pushing me to get ready to go to the temple, saying I should have been ready to go 2 years ago. Well I have never believed in the temple, and honestly had no desire to even go for that matter. Though I knew better than to say that to my bishop for fear of excommunication. I kind of hinted this to the bishop's wife (whom I still have nothing but respect for to this day, she kept my confidence in something she could have easily told her husband about, and sent me to the court).

By this time, I had already started to say the teachings of the church were bull. You don't need to go to a mormon temple to get into heaven. You don't have to be married in the temple, to be honestly married. You can't give the church something you don't have yourself. I think marriage is a partnership, not simply a contract where the wife is to be completely submissive. I was also asking myself during the Warren Jeffs fiasco, "Was Joseph Smith the Warren Jeffs of the 1800's?"

Year 5 (this year), I went to the church only one time, around Easter I believe, I honestly forget the date. When more empesis was put on the temple, and the law of tithing than on Jesus Christ, and it being so close to the day we are to celebrate his resurrection, I knew the time had come to cash in the chips and get out, however I hesitated in turning in "My Letter".

If there is one thing I have always had, is faith in Jesus Christ. I credit that to a couple of great friends I have had all my life, one is now an army chaplain in California. One works with people who needs dialysis treatment.

After 3 days of not going to sleep because of thinking about the church and could I really support it with all I have learned about it over the course of 5 years, and talking to my friends, my girlfriend, and my mother, I knew the time had come.

My former minister found out the night I wrote this, and told his daughter (my friend who works with the dialysis patients), "The door to the church is always open to you"

I don't know if I will take him up on his offer, cause my mind is Swiss cheese from all the crap TSCC did to me, but its nice to know he cared.

I'll get over it little by little, but I am glad to be free of it!