I was brought up in the church like so many others, not knowing anything else but Mormonism. An over controlling Mormon mother who thought there is nothing else in life but the church and a nonparticipating father who could really care less about the church or his family. We were really never allowed to experience anything else but Mormonism, we were pressured to keep Mormon friends and never stray from the teachings of the church. One of the more disturbing items would be the blood oaths taken in the temple. Before I served a mission in 1988, I attended the temple ceremony to become an endowed member of the church. Part of this was to perform the act of cutting our throats and cutting our bodies as to "spill our bowels" if we were to expose what we do in the temple or share any of the sacred secrets with others outside the church. We were never to talk about what happens in the temple with anyone.

Upon my return in 1990, I attended the temple in Oakland California. I was nervous because I knew what was coming up in the ceremony and I was worried that my young Mormon fiancee would be scared about the blood oath section. The ceremony was the same until we reached the part where we were to act the part of cutting ourselves. To my surprise, the entire part of the blood oath was removed! I remember walking out thinking to myself, "what is going on here and why did this change"? Well its obvious as to why it would change, its just plain scary and creepy that we would be commanded to take a blood oath in the temple.

This was probably the stepping stone to me leaving the church, knowing that so many things were simply designed to scare you and keep you at one with the church. As I got older and began to think for myself, I began to read and learn how things really happened with church history and found that things were really not as we were taught as children each week at Primary and Sunday school. To this day I still keep my friends I grew up with in the church and they still associate with me. They understand my thoughts as I do theirs. I find no need to try and persuade them away from Mormonism as they find comfort and happiness there as I do out of the church.

As far as the rest of my Mormon family, everyone has been divorced at least once, some three times. My parents were a divorce in the making for forty years and finally did it in 1997. My ex wife divorced me after 6 years so she could live a life of lesbianism and my two children want nothing to do with me. So my idea of this wonderful Mormon life and family is not all that its cracked up to be.

I remarried a wonderful Catholic girl in the summer of 2000. She came from a good family that support each other and divorce is not an option. Hard working and determined families have been created from her parents. I live a life now or normality and happiness. No need to fear the teachings of the Mormon church, no need to feel that I can not live up to the expectations of the church.

Its hard to explain the liberating and joyful feeling you have when you finally leave the Mormon church.