Bishop, A spiritual leader.

In those days (2005) when the immigration subject was very intense, and Salt Lake City experienced the historical massive march by the Hispanic movement, I also found myself dealing with my own legal immigration status within the walls of the South Ogden 7th Ward chapel.
I was walking in the hall of the chapel and a brother told me that the bishop want to talk to me for a minute, my first reaction was the obvious, I thought was something related to the church, but then I found myself sitting in the bishop office, and there were like 5 brothers standing next to the bishop, and I was in front of them ready to find out what was the subject that we were going to talk about, then the bishop asked: brother N how you got in this country?, then I shared with them that I met my wife when she was a missionary in Chile, and that I was a missionary leader for my ward, that we became very good friends working together for like 7 month, that eventually she finished her mission and that we wrote letters for like 4 years, I told them that my wife sent me a fiancé visa after we talked on the phone about marriage and that we still wanted to be together, then I got in this country after immigration gave us like 3 months to get marry.
So, after I explained them that I was a legal permanent resident, the bishop said: okay brother N, thank you.
So, after I left the bishop office I went to the priesthood class wondering what was that about, and of course I could not avoid feeling a little weird for the bishop questions, and for the first time I felt like a minority attending a church full of gringos, and at the same time I asked myself why the bishop was asking me about my legal status right when the immigration subject was so intense in Utah.
When I came to this country, I came with the mentality to adopt another culture, do my best to be part of this great country, form a family to contribute to a good society, and eventually become a citizen.
I always was fascinated when we went with my wife to the supermarket and see people that walked by saying “hi”, then I asked my wife if she knows them, and my wife told me that people said hi very often and that you don’t need to be their friends, that was the first thing that I love about this culture, something that I think is disappearing in some way.

After I came back visiting my family in Chile, I broke my bad leg in 2 places (spiral fracture), I was in my room for like 3 month going crazy, then when I was able to put my bad leg down, came the day when my youngest son was going to receive the priesthood and I was going to do it for him.
During my 3 months recovering from my broken leg, I never talked to the bishop, so the day when we went to his office for my son ordinance was the first time that I was going to see him after I broke my leg.
That day all my family, my wife, me, my 4 children and my wife parents we were walking into the bishop office, the bishop was outside his office, and before we shake hands with him, he said: “brother N, I would know if you are worthy or not worthy, because I’m your bishop”, it was very humiliating to heard that from a bishop when all my family and my wife parents were right there.
After the ordinance we went home and I could no avoid felling the negative effect that this bishop caused on me, I felt more apart from my family.
My wife and her parents said that what the bishop said before the ordinance was very inappropriate, but the damage was already done and I could not avoid to fell the effect that caused in my role us a father, husband, and member of the church, and little by little it created a distance and a gap between me, my family and the church, we all knows that people are called to the bishop office to talk in private about life, church, about your children, etc, and I think the best way to really know somebody is through friendship, honesty, and respect, but I didn’t know that eventually I was going to understand how vicious this man was when I asked for a interview with him and my wife to share with him our marital, spiritual and financial situation.

When my marriage was having problems and the financial situation was going downhill because the amount of money that my wife donated to the church, I warned my wife that we couldn’t live like that and not be affected as a family and as a marriage in a very negative way, but my concerns and advices were ignored, then I felt that maybe the bishop could help me to make my wife understand my worries and concerns, but I was so wrong in my hope to find a bishop with a good heart and compassion.

When we were in his office I told the bishop that I need to expose the situation so he could understand what was going on, I told the bishop that my wife got some money from a lawsuit for her heart damage, and that we were doing an addition in our house because that money, not just for luxury, and that she was paying $440 in tithing, plus $400 for our son mission every month, and that we were going to run out of money very fast, and I told him that my wife was using the money that was saved for the house addition, and that we need to have that money to finish the addition, and I asked the bishop if the church could help us in part to pay for our son mission in Mexico, also I told him that my wife paid most of her life the “fast offering” which is for the missionary work, and I told him that we didn’t want to get in a credit card, but already the balance in the credit card was $1,400, after we had decided while ago that we didn’t want to get in credit cards again after she receive that money from the lawsuit, which was going to be “one in a life time” opportunity.

Then the bishop said that everybody use credit cards, and that wasn’t a big deal, (maybe for him wasn’t a big deal as a retired military without children), then he asked: brother N, when is T(oldest son) birthday?, And I gave him the date, and he looked at my wife to confirm that I was giving him the right date, then he asked: when is M (other son) Birthday?, And I gave him the date, I can’t forget that date because is the same date of my father, I guess he didn’t know that I filmed with my camcorder every single birthday in my family, my wife forgot to tell him that, I could not understand why he was asking me for my children DOB at that moment, eventually I found out why.

With our son 4 months in the mission in Mexico, we still could fell like a hole in our chest because he wasn’t with us, and because he was so far away, I was asking for understanding, that we could not pay the money that we didn’t have, then he ask the most evil question, he asked: brother N, you want T(my son) to come home from his mission? And I said “of course not”, then he said “see!”, then he said that “must be a sacrifice”

I really don’t know what to think about this man, in that moment I could not believe that he asked those questions, but the purpose was to challenge my fatherhood, that I wasn’t a good father, so he could convince me that I don’t deserve to be considered, and the worse thing is that he tried to used against me the things that my wife told him in private, and that is a fact!, also the church is very clear when they advice their members to avoid credit cards.

I went home with my wife and I asked her several times for days if she knew why the bishop was asking those questions, and she just keep saying “I don’t know”, few days later we went to talk to a counselor, and he asked my wife: “maybe you was sharing with the bishop things about your husband fatherhood, and that why the bishop was asking those questions to your husband?” then my wife started to cry and she said “yes”, in that moment my heart sunk, I was betrayed again by my wife, considering that just few months before that meeting with the bishop, I shared with my wife with tears in my eyes that I was worry about my family and my fatherhood, and I remembered that my wife told me: “no, you are doing great, don’t worry about”. Honestly, that day I realized that I could not trust my wife any more, and the things that really worry me is the fact that she never admitted anything, she never said “sorry”.

Few days later I was arguing with my wife about the money donations and I told her that we are not going to have any money left if she keep donating all that money, then she said: “you know, the tithing for me, is like any other bill”, that day I noticed that something was very wrong.

My wife was paying more than $900/month to the church for almost 24 month from her paycheck as a teacher, the credit card went from $1,400 when we went to talk to that “natural man” (bishop Roy Stuart, 7th Ward, South Ogden, Utah.), in few months later the credit card reached $7,000, and eventually was $14,000.

It was the most horrible feeling to wake up everyday and see my humble dream house unfinished, because the money for the addition was gone, open the French doors in the master bedroom to go outside, it was like a jungle, just brake my heart that my wife put the church donations first, and our humble dream house last, just to think about this things make me ill, because the church built like $200,000,000 conference center, and $2B Mall, and we couldn’t fix the cars that were leaking fluid in our new car garage floor, because no money. One day my wife told me that she ask the bishop for authorization to skip a payment to fix the truck, to that extreme!

After these 3 experiences I renounce to this “faith” I dumped in the garbage the garments, all church books and the temple Masonic stuff, so clear to me the bishops are there “only” to protect the church at any cost!
I remember during this period, my son that I love so much, he came to the kitchen and he asked “are we ever going to go in a vacation?”, we never in 22 years went in a vacation as a family because no money, and I remember so many times my children wear shoes with holes because we have to wait for the next paycheck so they could have new shoes, in 20 month my wife donated more than $18K to the church (tithing and my son mission) and to survive she had to use a credit card that reached $14K.

This experience destroyed my faith, eventually my marriage.