I was a BIC TBM, but never had a testimony until I was 15. I felt something during a prayer, & based my life on that singular emotional anomaly.

2002-2004 I served a mission in Chile & baptized many people
2005 I toured Europe for 48 days & handed out BOMs & taught missionary discussions
2006 I graduated from BYU-I
2007 I was married in the Temple & bought a home
2008 my daughter was born & I bore testimony the next Sunday, still explicitly referencing my experience at age 15 as the "reason why I knew it was true."

In 2009, I "felt the spirit" for the 2nd time at a temple dedication. It was in regard to something my Stake Pres told me. I distinctly felt that he was lying.

Later, through detective work, I found out that he had NOT lied. He had told me something true, & my emotional bias had lead to a feeling that I associated with "the spirit."

I had been 100% Mormon for 11 years. I had committed almost no sins (& definitely no grave sins) during that entire span of time. I'd been EQP, Ward Mish Pres, Gosp Doctrine Instructor, etc... Yet, I had only felt "the spirit" twice, and 1 of those times was demonstrably false.

So, my testimony was immediately meaningless.
I did what any good mormon would. I re-read the entire standard works, I fasted & prayed sometimes 3 days at a time, & I felt nothing.

More importantly, I realized that without a testimony I didn't rationalize away the illogicalities of the scriptures. I did research them trying to look for loopholes that would make them accurate... but they weren't there.

In 2010, my son was born & I decided I couldn't live a lie, & that it would harm my son. I was ward clerk at the time, & I shredded my BOM in the clerk's paper shredder. I walked out, & I never went back.

About a year later, I was working at home one Sunday (I'm a programmer) while my wife was at church. Someone knocked on the door, but I chose not to check to see who it was. They then circled the house banging on the walls.

Naturally I answered the door with a baseball bat, & found the Bishop & a member of the HC. I had previously pretended I was inactive (for my wife's sake), but they had made me angry by coming to my home & scaring me, so I invited them in.

I told them that TSCC & Christianity were false. That I had reread the Bible, & couldn't justify the atrocious doctrine in there.

The Bishop (also a programmer) was good enough to concede that "Yes, the Bible is messed up. As an analytical person, I've also often had concerns about that."

To his credit, he did NOT follow that up with any sort of justification.

I said, "Also I have found that the BOM is fluff. The only reason it doesn't conflict much with the Bible is because it just contains meaningless anecdotes."

The Bishop nodded again, but remained silent.

This prompted the HC to jump in (he couldn't allow his church to be slandered without defense).

He asked a few questions, & I told him about my 2 "spiritual experiences" that nullified each other.

He asked me a series of prodding questions about my righteousness and any personal sins I may have committed. I openly responded that sin had never been a hard thing for me to avoid because of my rigorous upbringing, and that I had been practically perfect in thought, word, & deed for my entire membership.

He was shocked by this. I don't know if he had a hard time with sin, or if he simply thought of that as the magic bullet because "everyone sins."

He was so flabbergasted that he made a series of sputtering noises, looked at the Bishop, who just shrugged, & sat in silence.

Eventually the HCer said, "Well, we still love you," and showed himself out.

The Bishop said, "I just hope you keep an open mind."

To which I responded, "I hope you do too. I'm the one that's seen both sides of this issue & researched them openly."

He then showed himself out.


My parents didn't find out for another 6 months. I hadn't been "hiding" my departure, but I'd decided I wouldn't proffer the information until I was directly asked (*in fact, many people still assume I am mormon).

I did this for 2 reasons:
1) I was worried it would be viewed as an "attack on mormonism" & my wife would leave me
2) I wanted them to be aware that they couldn't tell the difference. Having seen "shunning" first hand, I knew people often claimed that "they could feel something was off with you" or "I just knew you were having problems."


I don't want to make this a long post on doctrinal reasons to disprove Mormonism or Christianity, but I do want it to be known that I left because it is false.

My family, both immediate & extended, have had a hard time with it. To my wife's credit she has stood by me acknowledging that she can't expect me to support something I view as wrong.

In mormon vernacular, I'd like to testify that Mormonism & Christianity are false & detrimental. I know it to be so through the scriptures. Anyone who wants to know more can contact me.
-Rob



*A few months ago one of my closest friends asked me to pray at a party, to which I responded "No thank you." He said, "Yeah right, haha." So I elaborated, "Andy, I'm an atheist." Andy still couldn't believe it and said, "you're a riot, haha." I made eye-contact and said, "No, I really am. Ask Shaun if you don't believe me." My best friend Shaun confirmed it, and Andy went on to ask someone else to pray.