For me the decision to leave the church was not a hard one. I was very lucky in the fact that my many of my family members (including mom and dad) are not members, or marginal members at best. Don't get me wrong there is still the active TBM contingent within our ranks, but for the most part, aside from a few mild guilt trips no one gave me much grief for leaving the church. That being said it took me many years to actually write the letter, and liberate myself to the extent that I could completely be myself around my Mormon family. Even after all these years the church/Utah culture is still just enough in my head that I still cringe, be it ever so slightly, when my nevermo husband says something that is so obviously not LDS, or within the LDS culturally accepted vernacular.

I wrote the letter after I had children and the church members came to my door looking for me. I made my disinterest clear, and then they offered to "teach" my children. I knew I had to cut the ties. Long story short, it was a fairly painless procedure. I DID have bishop come over and try and talk to me, and offer to send the missionaries over to talk with me. I made it clear that while I desired to be a good neighbor and friend to all, I WAS NOT IN ANY WAY INTERESTED in continuing my membership in the church. Didn't believe it, end of story. Bishop was gracious, and left it at that. As far as I know no one in my family was notified, no big deal. Did I mention I do live in Utah?

Why I left? Because I was lucky enough to never really believe in it. There were aspects of it I found uplifting, and even spirit filling (gag), but I somehow knew that those feelings weren't really exclusive to the church. While the God aspect (sorry can't bring myself to say "Heavenly father") Spoke to me, the prophet, Book of Mormon stuff never did. Basically I look back and feel that the church had a purpose in my life at a certain time, but then I just grew out of it. I didn't need it to feel a sense of community or belonging. I didn't need it to give me a sense of self, and or importance. I was grew up. I moved on.

So now as a full fledged adult who makes her own choices, even about what kind of underwear to don, it still baffles me that sometimes the church can still be in my head. Why I am concerned about offending people if I have a glass of wine, ask for coffee with desert, or show too much skin.

I guess it is true, you can take the girl outta the cult, but you can't completely take the cult outta the girl. Insert eye roll here!!!!