The article Tall Man, Short Hair keeps linking cites a study that states gay and lesbians are more likely to experience domestic violence from an intimate partner...in THEIR LIFETIME. This includes gays, lesbians and bisexuals who've cohabitated with opposite-sex partners in the past. Here's the study in question: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/181867.pdf These are the numbers broken
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n/t
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Hey RfMers, Today marks the fifth anniversary of the tragic Tohoku earthquake and tsunami that devastated much of Japan. My whole life was uprooted, my paradigm completely shifted, and I became an exmo who lost financial support from her parents while living in a foreign country. The last five years have been extremely tumultuous, but I think I'm starting to see some light at the end of the
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> (Edit) Did it ever occur to you that he may be > sacrificing a lot FOR his future spouse because he > loves her and wants her to be happy? This is actually why he wants the visa -- so they can live near her parents. He himself has admitted to me that he can make much better money in Japan, yet he is still moving to Utah.
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Yeah, I feel bad for his whole family, but especially his mother. The convo about how she's just blinded by anti-Mormon literature flew all over me. How can they act like they're being persecuted when THEY are the ones excluding her for the wedding? If she has any prior negative feelings about the church, barring her from attending her son's big day is NOT going to help. I could be wrong, b
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Unfortunately, it's too late to say anything. The wedding is set to happen in a few weeks. I suspect they want to get it done as quickly as possible so he can get in line for a spousal visa. Apparently, it can take anytime between 1-8 months. He'll have to leave her in Utah while he waits in Japan for the paperwork to be sorted out.
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Late 20s. Neither of them are finished with school, though. The thing that gets me the most is that they haven't even known each other a year. For some reason, that's something I always associated with 21-year-old RMs who are itching to get married, but I guess people of all ages rush into things they shouldn't.
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He has known the bride-to-be for 11 months. He's Japanese, with English as his second language. She doesn't speak much Japanese and doesn't know much about the culture outside of what she picked up during a 10-month exchange program. He will be leaving Japan in order to get married in Utah, which is where they will be living so she can be near her family. His mother is opposed to the mar
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Many Mormons criticize exmos by saying we can't leave the church alone. The truth, especially for folks raised in the church, is that we've often spent more time thinking about the church as TBMs, than we have as exmos. For a lot of people, this means having to go re-process everything we learned as TBMs, but through the lens as an exmo. Why? Because the way we perceive reality has drasti
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Thanks for the link. I wonder how my TBM parents would respond if I casually mentioned this. They've been looking for a place to live, so it gives me an easy way to bring it up. I could be wrong, but it seems like most members outside of Utah don't really know about TSCC's for-profit businesses.
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Years ago, I pointed this out to my TBM mom in an attempt to make her feel better when my brother became an exmo. But since the scriptures say children won't stray as long as their earthly parents correctly taught them, I guess that somehow excuses God and foists all the unrealistic expectations on parents.
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From BYU's website ( http://saas.byu.edu/catalog/2011-2012ucat/GeneralInfo/HonorCode.php#HCOfficeInvovement ): "Brigham Young University will respond to homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or attraction and welcomes as full members of the university community all whose behavior meets university standards. ...Homosexual behavior is inappropriate and violates the Honor Code. Homosex
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The rule change is mentioned here: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1978/11/news-of-the-church?lang=eng “The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve have determined that there is no scriptural prohibition against sisters offering prayers in sacrament meetings. It was therefore decided that it is permissible for sisters to offer prayers in any meetings they attend, including sacrament meetings,
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From what I understand, this is called "floating", and is common for people who are in the process of cult recovery. http://recoveringagency.com/articles/stages-of-cult-recovery-applied-to-mormonism/ This article might be of interest to you. The portion entitled "Recognition of 'Floating'" seems particularly relevant to what you posted. Like you, I was raised in the
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According to Wikipedia, Deloitte & Touche (a public firm) performs annual audits for them in the United States. Although, apparently, they also have an internal audit department that they use so they can tell everyone during General Conference that the money is being used appropriately. So, in other words, they use both outside and internal resources, depending on their motive? I'm not t
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So, rather than directly criticize TSCC in front of my TBM parents (it makes them angry and just solidifies their beliefs even more), I've started taking a more indirect approach to try to get them to think more critically. Dropping seeds here and there in case one of them takes root. Recently, the church's finances came up naturally in conversation. (They kind of complained about having to
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When I was in high school, I walked into the chapel while wearing pants during a mutual night or something. The bishop's daughter promptly scolded me, saying that women weren't allowed to wear pants in sacred areas because it's disrespectful to God. So, no, you probably aren't the only place with this rule. But I think it's mostly a case of overly zealous priesthood holders using their posit
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You know, "Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control" touches on this subject a little bit. The church's influence permeates the homes of members, and TBM family members tend to police each other. The author's point was that, even if Mormonism doesn't have a typical cult compound, often times TBM households function as "mini-compounds". Growing up, my d
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My family did. Even now, my TBM parents only watch R-rated movies if they're the censored version on network TV. I can't tell you how many times my mom has said she wished she could see a particular film, but decided to wait for it to come on TV in order to comply with the rules. Once, my mom wanted to invite some TBM friends over to watch a PG-rated film, but my dad refused because of one
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I wasn't allowed to change out of my dress clothes even after we came home from church. No walks. No TV. No computer. No radio. No video games. No homework. Eventually, you get tired of watching the same church documentary for the 1000th time. Napping was literally one of the few things we COULD do on Sunday. My dad tried to impose a ban on that too, but that went over about as well
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he probably wouldn't go back just to find a bride. A 30-year-old man is too old to go on a mission anyway, so if he hasn't done that song and dance already, he's probably going to have a hard time finding a woman to settle down with. Most parents want their daughters to marry a Peter Priesthood in the 21-25 year-old age bracket, who doesn't have a history of going "inactive". A lot
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It was stuff like this that made helping with my mom's primary class one of the final nails in my TBM coffin. This video isn't even the worst of it, sadly.
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one key difference between being controlled by a cult and the D/s culture is that the latter requires a healthy respect of boundaries and an agreement to STOP if anyone is uncomfortable. A cult does neither of these things. That said, I don't think members are necessarily driven by a need to be dominated mentally, but rather by the relief that comes from letting someone else make all the &quo
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My dad always tried to get me to list mine on my resume, and label it as "Eagle Scout equivalent". Even when I was a TBM, I knew no one would care, and that to call it the same thing as an Eagle would be a joke at best, and a lie at worst. I never brought it up to any nevermos. The only thing that could really be considered an equivalent would be the Girl Scout's Gold Award, but m
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Most Mormon wedding receptions I've been to were pretty bad. I went to one the other week, and while the venue was a little classier than the church building's gym, the only refreshments were veggies and ranch, as well as dry, stale cupcakes. It was held right before Easter, so the turn-out probably wasn't as good as they were expecting either. I don't think anyone from the groom's parents'
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It's relatively new. There was a time not too long ago when you could get disciplined and/or excommunicated for being openly gay. Only recently did the church start making a distinction between being gay and "acting" gay. Since it's been established that sexual orientation is innate, I guess they realize it's bad PR to kick gay people out on account of who they are...just as long a
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Depends on the family, honestly. Whenever I asked my parents hard questions about doctrine I couldn't quite get behind, my TBM dad wound up yelling at me because even questioning the leadership was a giant no-no in my house. Then when I told them I couldn't do it anymore, they acted like the whole thing came out of left field and that they had NO IDEA I'd been having doubts, even though I *re
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So glad to hear your cousin came around. That essay combined with the quote from Uchtdorf admitting that the church isn't perfect because it's run by imperfect men sound like the perfect catalyst for getting TBMs to accept gay friends and family. I'm slowly building a treasure trove of stuff like this for when I sit down and come out of the closet to my parents. If I can talk about this on t
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Seconding a lot of the advice on here. The sooner you can financially support yourself, the better. Getting a good education will help you do all of that. In addition to saving money, I recommend applying for lots of scholarships when you're a junior and senior in high school, and continuing to apply for scholarships throughout your college years. Most kids don't bother applying for many
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I agree that anti-gayism is very strongly linked with sexism against women. It's no secret that society holds men to unfair expectations of masculinity. IMO, this is largely due to society's contempt for anything deemed womanly or feminine. Anti-gay people believe it's contemptible for men to be in a relationship with another man because, in their view, that is supposed to be something a *wo
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