Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 

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7 years ago
ellenl
It's a violation of etiquette. The reason is that it implies that gifts are expected. Guests can ask the happy couple (or a family member close to them) where the couple is registered, if they want to know. I've never gotten a wedding invitation that included registry information. Showers are different. A shower is a gift-giving event; registry information is often included in invita
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8 years ago
ellenl
I love it when good things happen to good people. Best wishes to you and your SO, Tom!
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8 years ago
ellenl
What a nightmare! I'm glad you are able to escape and will soon be in a better place. All this goes to show, it's better to act than to be acted upon. Make your own plans and work hard to realize them. You'll make mistakes, but at least they'll be your mistakes. Best wishes to you - and your brother!
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I agree, Susie. My relatives and I are non-Mormons. If you go back a generation or two, my extended family was very racist. It's horrible, but that's the truth. I do think the LDS Church, as an institution, runs about 50 years behind most social movements.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
The tank top seems to be the line in the sand between Mormons and ex-Mormons! They have come to symbolize modesty/obedience on one side and agency/independence on the other. I'm a non-Mormon, so this all seems a bit strange to me. You have every right to dress the way you want. On the other hand, when people invite me somewhere, I try to blend in with the group I'm going to be in. So I'd
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8 years ago
ellenl
Apartment inspections?
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8 years ago
ellenl
Your observations are spot on, and it's great that you have been able to hold onto your sanity! It seems there is a great gulf between you and your wife. If the marriage is going to last (a big if), she will have to respect your beliefs (or lack of them) and you will need to respect (but not participate in) hers. You haven't said whether or not you have children. If not, please don't bring
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
He is on the Titanic, and being one of the crew, he has to go down with the boat. But the rest of us don't have to go down with him.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
Holland seems to be determined to suck every last bit of joy out of life. That is his calling, apparently. Looking back over my life, the wisest and most Christ-like people I've known have had a sense of humor. They were able to laugh at life, and at themselves. Laughter is the great balm. We need more of it, not less. Whenever Holland speaks, you can bet that whatever he says, the opp
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
That has got to be the most bizarre commencement speech I've ever heard. Basically, it was a cynical, self-serving speech devoted to the preservation of the church. Most commencement speeches tell graduates Congratulations, now go out and change the world. Make your own mark. Shake up the status quo. Don't squander your opportunities. This speech was devoted entirely to the preservation
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I have to say, I liked the way he handled the disciplinary hearing. I don't think everyone has to leave the same way. The more variety the better. It keeps the church off-guard; they won't know what to expect. There's no telling what heathens will do. There's such a power imbalance between the church and members. It's good when members take some power back.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
Jeremy isn't special because of how he left the church. What makes him unique is the CES Letter. It's a work of beauty. I wish I'd written it - but I didn't, so kudos to Jeremy! This isn't hero worship, just a recognition of a unique contribution, one that has helped and encouraged a lot of people.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I didn't read it that way. It sounds like Peterson assumes (incorrectly) that Runnels was excommunicated. It's not true. It's also not true that the council voided his membership. Once Runnels handed over his resignation letter, he was no longer a member and thus not subject to church discipline - of any kind. I don't know why Peterson plays these games.
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8 years ago
ellenl
Yes!
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8 years ago
ellenl
I'm glad Jeremy handled the council in his own way, and left on his own terms. Way to go, Jeremy!!
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8 years ago
ellenl
How would you feel if the tables were turned and your wife suddenly became determined to take you INTO the church? What you're proposing is reverse-proselytizing. I wouldn't do it, unless you get clear signals from her that she's interested in hearing a different point of view. A good, strong, and loving marriage is a beautiful thing. Think very carefully before you rewrite the rules in yo
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
Not at my church (UU). This wouldn't be popular, and since we have financial transparency and democratic governance, I can't imagine it happening. Other organizations may have abusive or wasteful practices. But they're easier to leave. They don't carry the threat of the loss of blessings, eternal happiness, forever families, etc. if you leave - or if you dare to question or object to policy.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
You're not damaging relationships. You're moving on. Transitions and progression are a natural part of life. Some are exciting, some are difficult, and many are both. Why are senior missionaries visiting your workplace? That seems inappropriate to say the least. You can just say no to these intrusions. You're entitled to your privacy and to have your decisions respected. Don't let these people
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
Suid, I feel for you - and your wife. I sincerely hope you two can reach a détente over this issue, and go on to live happily ever after! What you've recently decided seems to me an effort by each of you to prove the other person wrong. You're hoping that your wife will "come around" once she's read up on the subject. She's hoping you'll be influenced to join the church by meeting w
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
If you go, they are sure to ask you afterward, "What did you think?" I can't think of any honest answer that would benefit your friendship. You've already said you don't like Mormonism. They apparently do. I would take theology off the table and build your friendship on other terms.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I think it could be the only reason the church is growing. That's why I don't see the church backing off it's emphasis on having a lot of children. It's effective, regardless of the hardship it inflicts on members.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
On the Mormon mommy blogs, 5 seems to be the magic number these days - and all too often, it's 5 children in 5 years. Doctors recommend at least 2 years between pregnancies. It’s safer for babies (a too close interval carries increased risk of placental abruption, placenta previa, low birth weight, preterm birth, stillbirth, etc.) and for mothers, whose bodies need time to recover from a pr
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
That's a great column, maybe his best. Will the faithful ever see it? It seems most live in a bubble, too busy on the Mormon treadmill to look at other perspectives.
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8 years ago
ellenl
Love this story! Congrats to you and your hubby!
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I've never been Mormon, but I can understand the hold that garments have over Mormons. Members have been taught that sacred garments are protective. They're also a reminder of covenants made in the temple and blessings promised to the faithful. I think it would take courage and conviction to discard them. What if a loved one gets cancer, is injured in a car wreck, loses their job, or anythin
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
My mother was Cathlic so she took my brother and me with her to early morning Mass. It lasted around 45 minutes, and there was always another group coming in for the next Mass. My dad stayed home and read the Sunday paper. After church we stopped at the bakery to buy fruit kuchen to take home. I really loved kuchen, the best part of Sundays for me.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
My priorities, in order, would be funding a retirement account, helping the children with college, and giving to a church - any church. That is the way DH and I planned for our future and that of our kids. Many people give too little thought to retirement savings. Believe me, it is a gift to your children to make sure their parents are financially secure. That way, you won't have to move in wi
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I don't know if that article will influence those in the church right now. It might. But there's a broader audience. The real value, I think, is that non-Mormons are less apt to convert to a church that's revealed as weird, destructive, out of touch with modern attitudes.
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
That story is harrowing. Whenever I hear of a Mormon parent saying they'd rather their child be dead than be gay - or be dead rather than leave the church - my jaw just drops. You said what??!! Normal parents do not want their children to be dead. Ever. Someone should call these parents out on their behavior, immediately. We need a General Conference talk titled "Never tell your ch
Forum: Recovery Board
8 years ago
ellenl
I think you've figured it out. Real friends don't care which church you belong to (if any); they just want you to be happy. Best wishes to you!
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