https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/talent#:~:text=In%20Biblical%20times%2C%20a%20talent,talents%20in%20the%20master's%20absence. “In Biblical times, a talent was a unit of money, and a New Testament parable tells of a master punishing a servant for hiding, rather than investing, a bag of talents in the master's absence. The interpretation of this parable to mean that you should not hide y
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Couldn’t he just walk on water?
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Tattoo removal or washing and de-anointing?
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Yes. There is a video on YouTube that shows it. It’s pretty lame.
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Forced testimony. I realize, now, how culty it was to randomly ask people to go up and bare their testimonies in front of the congregation if Sacrament Meeting came up short, or for any other stupid reason.
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There was an Elder Elder in my mission.
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Oh no!
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Neither. I can’t imagine anything that would make me projectile vomit more that that.
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2020 was the year of COVID, so the big celebration was cancelled. When they switched to the two hour format, they started the home study program. I think they even had a special manual. Then, the GC before, Rusty told everyone how grand it would be and said “So, take your vitamins!” All of a sudden everyone said he had been inspired to say that , and started the home study early because he kn
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…the second anointing.
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I hope that a second grade teacher has to answer the question: “Mrs. Young…what’s adultery?”
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Yes. Doing some sort of cardio always helps me. If you live where it’s cold-become a mall walker. If you go before the stores open you’ll have plenty of company!
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Ponderize using your goddamn turn signal!
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Isn’t there a “wandered in the wilderness for 40 years” clause?!?
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Actually, it started while on my mission. I had a former SS Soldier for a mission president (I’m not kidding) who treated the missionaries like prisoners. About six months before I came home I had a lightbulb moment, that maybe there isn’t a god and this is all bull scheisse. I came home with all the due glory that a returned missionary, who didn’t jump in front of a train (one actually did
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Hoarding and not sharing? Yeah, I’m sure Jesus would do the same.
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If that were required, there would be a line, for the bishops office, out the door!!!
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I have a friend who went to BYU who was “struggling” with(shhh…same sex attraction). He didn’t do shock therapy, but his bishop told him that he needed to go play basketball with other men……wait for it…WITH THEIR SHIRTS OFF!!! Yep, that’ll “cure” him! He graduated and moved to Southern California and fortunately, came out, and is very happy to be gay and NOT Mormon.
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Bigfoot was there first customer…and you know what they say…
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Never
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One of my great great something something grandfather was sealed to Wilford Woodruff.
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Dinosaurs were around for 165 million years…we’ve only been around for 100,000 years or so…oops I mean 6,000!!! 165 million years of dead dinosaurs ads up.
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“Run Forrest, run!”
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Keep in mind that you will be stuck with several companions whose only idea of exercise will be jumping to conclusions. You won’t be eating as much or as often as you are now.
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I’m just curious…when you go to clean the temple, do you have to dress in white?
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Great grandparents.
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I’m 68 and you couldn’t pay me enough to go back to my 30’s. Enjoy the ride…it goes by really fast the older you get.
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“IF???”
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A week after I came home from my mission the stake president called me to be the elders quorum teacher. I said no, and that I just wanted to sit and listen for a change. He looked like I was about to be swallowed up into the bowels of the earth. A year later I just disappeared and moved away.
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