Totally know what you mean... I was raised in the church and it was never considered weird or odd or a horrible thing to be in a closed room alone with a strange man at the age of 12 talking about porn or any sexual inclinations I might be having. When it first happened to me I felt very, very awkward. Fortunately, I knew just enough, even at that age to lie to just get though it, so I could &quo
Forum: Recovery Board

You are not powerless, you have choices! Letting go is one of the hardest things we can do. It's not easy, but at some point you need to cut your losses. "making sure no one gets hurt" is not the best you can do. Why? Because YOU are the one getting hurt. It took me a long time to come to terms with the understanding that I have to take care of myself, especially in the church. No on
Forum: Recovery Board

Nope, you can't live like that... The downside to how most church sponsored activities is that there is no outlet for such behavior, you can't send the kid to the principal or anything so your stuck with dealing with it. This is why there is so much turnover in primary and callings that deal with kids. I feel for you...
Forum: Recovery Board

I was always "called" to teach primary because I was "so good with the kids"... Really it's not that hard, I expected them to behave, let them know when they didn't and when they did so they would learn the difference. All the kids had problems, some were acting too adult and others had no discipline at all. None of them knew how to just be kids and have normal fun. Most pa
Forum: Recovery Board

I don't really have much to add to what's already been stated... It's just so weird seeing his response now and being able to see it for what it really is, manipulative, and condescending. I think the part that bothers me the most is that he assumes you are unhappy. I think my response to his response would be simple: "Thank you for your thoughts. We will have to agree to disagree. Ple
Forum: Recovery Board

I would agree with the others... I've been there several times, many as a kid/young adult, got engaged there (got locked in the temple grounds, this was before the rebuilding of the temple), and then for a tour of the newly built temple (though at that point I was fully inactive and I think my parents hoped that a trip though the temple would "activate" me). If you're going to be in
Forum: Recovery Board

Lots of good advice here! I have a french press that I use for Tea sometimes and I think I can use that to brew a cup... I'm starting to look forward to giving it a try...
Forum: Recovery Board

I'm sure this has been covered here before, but I thought I'd ask. I had no problem with tea. I served a mission in Korea and we drank "herbal" tea all the time, it was expected and boiled so it was "safe" (black tea is the one that is officially banned). So, I was already accustomed to it and even enjoyed a cup of tea now and then on my return. Now, I have my daily cup of
Forum: Recovery Board

I remember my first cup of tea, I felt so darned rebellious! It was wonderful!
Forum: Recovery Board

It's always a risk... I'm pretty fortunate in that all my siblings have become inactive and none of us really talk about the church. If that does happen, you have two choices, you can lie or you can tell them the truth. You can try to put it off with something like "I'd rather not talk about it right now", or being wishy-washy, but that only put's it off. I always lean towards tellin
Forum: Recovery Board

I don't know if my two cents will help, but I thought I'd throw them in. My parents are about as "true believing" as they come. Dad's been in multiple Stake callings, High Council, Bishoprics's the works. Mom is similar. Their proudest day was when I went on a mission and completed my term honorably, the only thing that was better perhaps was my temple marriage. They are of an
Forum: Recovery Board

Sadly, it doesn't read like satire to me... perhaps I'm still to close to it or I've just meet too many people would would talk just like that (not the least of which is my own father) and believe every word, never hearing the irony. It was almost painful to read.
Forum: Recovery Board

Really????? Please tell me he's joking? Though based on some of the other articles (The one on his discussions on language with a non-member linguist are laughable and I only read the first paragraph or so). The sad thing is I probably would have responded the same way just a few short years ago... Can he not hear himself??? (who am I kidding I probably wouldn't have seen the irony that long ago,
Forum: Recovery Board

While I didn't go to Uganda on a mission, I did go to Korea, the southern portion where a lot of the modern thinking still wasn't available. I'd like to think that I wasn't as bad as some and I hope that because I recognized, even at the time, that there were a lot of other missionaries who didn't see that they weren't in Utah anymore that I wasn't so blind to the plights of the people who's
Forum: Recovery Board

Freedom to think for myself without constantly second guessing if is for or against "the church". Sundays! It now feels like a real relaxing day and if I don't mow the lawn or run an errand on Saturday, I can do it on Sunday! I get to enjoy a nice cup of tea without feeling guilty. A better relationship with my wife. i.e. More focus on my family instead of service to the church
Forum: Recovery Board

Its such a shame that she doesn't see that she is going to lose everything by continuing down this path. Is she a pyromaniac? Cause she sure likes to burn bridges. I would have your father talk to the bishop and reinforce what you said. So matter what your mother requests, you are not to be contacted. Just so you know, my parents like to send the missionaries over every now and then to &quo
Forum: Recovery Board

There are tons of research out there, some of it was mentioned here. The hard part, which you even mention is how the church creates a mindset of, you're either for or against us... There no middle ground. For me, I had to work very hard while reading about the history of the church, written by non-Mormon historians, reminding myself constantly that these were just people doing their job, in
Forum: Recovery Board

Think of it another way... If you go, you are telling her that you really do think the church is true, but you don't go for some other reason. You know, sinning is fun and all that. She can then feel that by committing to a temple marriage and wanting you to be there, she has brought you back into the fold and has saved you from a life of sin. It becomes a faith promoting story and legitimizes he
Forum: Recovery Board

I have already noticed a change in the church's stance on Homosexuality. It has gone from "completely evil" to Bishops being told to state that "It's OK as long as you don't act on it". You can even go to the temple now, depending on your Bishop's current stance and his thoughts on if you have "acted" on such thoughts or not. To me this is a first step in re-writi
Forum: Recovery Board

Most people have already stated what I would consider good advice. It's your house, are you ashamed that you left the church? Should you be ashamed that you drink coffee or even alcohol? By hiding it or not doing what you consider "normal" in your own home, you are saying quite clearly that you are, it is not a good lesson for your kids, or even their kids. My wife and I are not coff
Forum: Recovery Board

Do you give the prayer when asked? Up to now, I've given the standard "thanks for the food and letting us all get together" prayer just so there aren't any "discussions"...
Forum: Recovery Board

My Father still asks me to give the blessing from time to time when I'm home. I think both my parents think this is just some kind of phase I'm going though. I'm their returned missionary son after all, how could I not believe. Going out to eat or when they are at our house, it's a little awkward. Neither my wife or I ask anyone to give a blessing, we serve the food and start eating. If my par
Forum: Recovery Board

Who didn't they ban, would be an easier question... Basically, if it wasn't allowed at a church dance, we couldn't listen to it. It was to the point that my Dad blocked the MTV channel (and several others, even those basic cable channels), they were EVIL! You know, full of all kinds of terrible influences on teenagers and clean spirited Mormons. Even now, they have a device installed on th
Forum: Recovery Board

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the advice... It's nice having a place like this where I can actually talk with other people about these things with who have been though it.
Forum: Recovery Board

My wife and I went several years ago, but didn't go in (is that like smoking but not inhaling?). We were both inactive at the time, but my niece was getting a temple marriage. (as a side note, my niece is now no longer a member, maybe at some point I'll post that story, it's quite interesting and led to my final decision to start really researching what the church was about.). My family was ve
Forum: Recovery Board

I mean this feeling of anger and disappointment. I know logically that it's going to take some time, I spent far more time in the church than out of it and a big part of me is angry... It's weird, I've been inactive for several years and have only in the last few months admitted to myself that the whole thing is a sham and I've wasted so much time, money, and energy on it. When I was "jus
Forum: Recovery Board

You need to find someone you can talk to about this. It would be nice if you could go to a non-mormon marriage counselor with your wife to provide a safe environment to talk about this. Maybe she'll go and start to understand your side. But if she won't go, maybe you could on your own. If not counseling, then take up a couple of people's offer here. You need to be able to get things out without h
Forum: Recovery Board

That's all well and good, but I don't think that's the experience that most exmormons have had. When most Bishops or other members of the church are faced with someone who has left, there is this need to bring them back into the "fold", often by trying to point out what sins that have made us lost, or "loving" them back with prayers and faith promoting stories. They don't
Forum: Recovery Board

Thanks! I had guessed at most of them, but didn't understand a few, this cleared thing up!
Forum: Recovery Board