And I, for once was lost for words.
I have not been at church for 8 months and have had very little contact apart from those who are good friends.
Today get a call from the RS president, few niceties, and then she comes to the point.
Did I know...... Not really.
Well she continues ....... has lost their job, feels down, needs a friend and Bishop has said church will provide food for two weeks. Would I be willing to go shopping with..... for food, buy it ( and put in receipts to be reimbursed), and take it to......!
Now I know that I should have said "What", but I was genuinely so shocked I was lost for words.
I am not very good at being rude, and don't like the thought of others without food
That said,and as hubby pointed out, what about our welfare system ( Uk)
Said not this week.
I am sure there is more to this. But really for all the RS president knew I could have lost my job, been down etc!!
Where are the councillors in RS, compassionate services leader, VT etc? Anyone would think that this was a ploy to try and reactivate me.
I am glad, once more, for RFM for a place to write this down.
If only we could have a Cheryl hose for pointing down the phone!!

It is interesting how she didn't even ask how you were doing. Maybe she hadn't noticed you were missing.

I had a friend who was very active in the ward. She played the piano, sang, etc. She missed church for 6 weeks at one time to see if anyone missed her. She cried when telling me (the inactive) that nobody even asked her where she was. Being in Utah, the whole ward lives within a few block radius.

After that, I'd ask my daughter to inform me if this friend was at church. If she wasn't, I'd have my daughter drop off a note unsigned in her mailbox telling her she was missed.

Mormons are so wrapped up in their own lives that they may not even know you were missing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2013 11:49AM by cl2.

You are your daughter are so sweet to do that for your friend. I'm curious to know if your friend thinks it's the TBMs doing that or if she secretly knows it is you. <3

How dare the RS pres. call anyone to go shopping as a 'welfare' assignment!!! That's her job, as far as I know, and who needs food in the ward is supposed to be private. Call the bishop and tell him what happened.

The 'friendshipping' part may be appropriate to be told about. When I was RS pres the only time I was told to ask someone else to go shopping was when the lady I was shopping with used to complain afterwards to the bishop about the trip. ( I didn't know this). He told me to ask his wife to go shopping with the lady, I guess to see if he got the same feedback.

Like I said, unless something is up the RS pres. is supposed to go shopping or fill out the food form. I guess since her counsellors also could go to welfare meeting, they could technically go shopping, but certainly not an inactive person.

Glad it is not just me who thought the whole thing strange! Should have seen my hubby's face when I jokingly asked if we had enough in our account to cover the food till his pay day!!
I have emailed Bishop and said not appropriate on a number of levels

That is so kind of you to leave a note - what a lovely friend you must be

or the food order and just let them do their OWN damn shopping?

Have they GOT to make it as humiliating as possible?

And how grossly inefficient that they have to have their OWN storehouse, with their own produced foods?

Exactly. In the U.S., we have pre-paid gift cards available for all the major supermarkets. I imagine it's the same in the U.K. The RS president could buy one and present it to the needy individual. No need for her (or anyone else) to do any further shopping!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2013 12:30PM by summer.

Good thinking Summer, had not thought of that. We do have gift cards.
I am thinking this may be more about involving me?

A giving church? This is an underhanded info gathering reactivation effort in the guise of charity by guilting you and yanking on your emotions.

You are a busy busy bee. I agree with the gift card option. Not Your Problem!

Lydia Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good thinking Summer, had not thought of that. We
> do have gift cards.
> I am thinking this may be more about involving me?


Lydia: Cha! LOL

That is EXACTLY what it is all about. Lydia will be touched by the Spirit in serving another and will be moved deeply to return to the cult I mean fold.

They probably think they'd just spend it all on booze.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2013 12:59PM by nickname.

I have found that many "needy" families don't know how to get much bang for their buck. They buy soda (in small bottles or cans no less), the best cuts of meat (not even on sale), cereal not on sale, cigs, etc. There should be a class on how to shop efficiently for food (and clothing).

This is not even a family but a single person. Things just don't add up. I don't like it when things don't add up! I am sure the full story will come out at some point.
It is sad if a job is lost, but there would be redundancy and we do have a reasonable welfare system - enough not to starve - in my opinion.
Still, as you say , not my problem and not really my business

It's insane and HUGELY INSULTING that they don't let the people just shop for themselves. Do they even bother to ask what the person likes or may be allergic to? So stupid. And why is RS doing it? Can't a man f-ing shop too?

The thing that strikes me is that the RS President felt there was absolutely nothing wrong with involving you in a sensitive situation like this and invading the single woman's privacy like that. Are you close to the woman that the RS president is asking you to shop for? If not, then this smells to high heaven!

Know of, but don't know the women - she would not know who I am I think - see said it was strange!

sounds like a trap

I was compassionate service leader and wow just wow. No this is not how it is suppose to be done. We had an older lady without a car who we took grocery shopping. RS president asked to older lady who she wanted to go shopping with yippee I was her shopping budy for several years.

Was this possibly an attempt to make you feel involved and to entice you back into activity?

Or was she looking at a list and hoping you'd step in and take care of this situation for her?

In any case, I don't think she should be telling you the private business of someone who isn't your close friend. That's called gossip and church officials shouldn't do it.

I think if I'd been on my toes I would have asked why she's talking to me about someone behind their back.

I say it's a reactivation effort. In my experience, the ward councils I've been part of discuss people who are not attending meetings on Sundays. The 'reactivation' efforts are: can we give them an assignment? Who is similar to them, ie. kids the same age, single, widowed, etc. Who did they along with? and put those as HT or VT. I disagreed with most of these suggestins and often asked, why don't we just ask them why they don't come and then we can address the issue? Silence. Pretend they didn't hear me and move on to the next person. Ridiculous, really.

Bottom line, highly inapropriate. Good for you for emailing the Bishop.

That's the trouble, most of us are long standing members. We are not daft. I have been a RS pres and a primary president and sat in ward welfare and council. I ( we all) know the moves.
I am 100% with you, I am all for asking directly why people do not come to church!

You'd think they'd realize we know the moves because we were TBM once and were part of the leadership fo the ward/stake, but they don't. Once you're not walking the line, they think you are lazy and will fall for the love-bombing or the assignment trap.

I recently ran into the YW president and even though I knew her as a YW and was a very nice girl, she hardly acknowledges me when I'm around now. She approched me to ask for a favour. I was caught off guard and said yes. Later, that bothered me because I know she didn't need help for that activity but it is they way of reporting back at ward council 'oh, I did ask her for help and she said she would, she is ready to come back'. It's just weird.

If you really want to help these people, then go to them directly. Don't allow the church to use you. See if there is anything you can do for them.

If you don't, and I wouldn't blame you if you don't, then just drop it. Tell Sister RS Prez that you are not interested in this or future calls.

Do things on your own terms, not theirs. Don't fall into the exmo trap of still letting the church define your life.