I have not yet made my leave from the church public with family but it is obvious to most everyone that I no longer attend. My husband is still in the church and I have agreed to let our daughter be baptized. Both my parents and his will be in attendance. I have very severe anxiety and panic issues and don't feel like I will be able to go without having a meltdown in front of everyone. I don't think that emotionally I will be able to get through it. I am very upset that my daughter is being further brainwashed and the whole thing is making me sick to my stomache. I am nearly in tears writing this.I feel a lot of guilt for not wanting to go and don't want my daughter to be sad I am not there. This whole situation is so awkward I just hate stuff like this. Any suggestions?

Is there time to rescind your approval?

rescinding approval ( backing out) seems like such a cheap tacky thing to do, until a person realizes they are dealing with LDS INC and just How revisionist LDS INC really is. THEN it becomes clear that sometimes it's necessary to fight fire with fire.

One the one hand baptism is just a ceremonial bath, it's symbolic, but on the other hand LDS Inc is going to use this as license to plow ahead at full speed with their MORmON agenda, it's symbolic of that too, and THAT is what's really putting knots in your stomach. Your kids have a break though, and that's the fact that someone like you is there as a parental influence to break up that iron clad bubble that MORmONISM would otherwise maintain around them.

So sorry to hear of this terrible situation. But as a parent you are one of the two people in total control here. If you feel this strongly it is time to stand up an say NO!! Talk to you daughter and explain that you simply want her to always be happy and you feel she should be older before she makes such a big decision. Explain it all to your husband and how strongly you feel about it all.

It is a tough decision, but as you are really suffering with this, I feel it may well be the only one you will be comfortable in making.

You can totally ignore this advice, as you know what's best for you and yours, but if this were me, I'd let her get baptised and try to look to the big picture. Most of us here were baptised and it didn't necessarily spell the end. She's got her whole life ahead of her. You've got years and years of teaching her critical thinking skills.

In any case, I feel for you. (((Hugs)))

+1,000,000

Looking back on your baptism, was it that big a thing when you were 8? You will offer her a different world view than just mo-ism.

((hugs))

I agree too. To her it means a party and a fancy dress and completing a ceremony that says she is growing up. Nothing about it means she can't leave TSCC later. Especially with a mom who knows to protect her.

This is indeed an extremely frustrating situation for you.
Is there anyway you can distance yourself, emotionally and see this (which you approved) as just a religious ritual that is very often temporary? That is evidenced by how many don't stick with the church. I have referred to it as a bad vaccination as it didn't take with some of my family.

You are still her mother and have inordinate power over what she learns, believes and accepts.
There will come a time to drop some hints, teach her about other belief systems.

Do you meditate? Perhaps it would be a helpful way to get you through this. Maybe you can practice meditating and clearing your mind, and focusing on the Big Picture for you and your family. Find a place of peace.

My best to you.

I agree with some others....you will have to live with this and obviously it is emotionally tearing you apart. I would not allow it. YOUR choices for your child are just as important as hubby's and this is such a delicate one that a young child can't understand the ramifications. She can make this choice on her own much later ...but hopefully won't want to.

my kids were all dunked after I left - I chose to look at it like this:

I had them when I was TBM so no matter what happens they are on TSCC's radar - I know that's shitty but that's how it is - if I manage to stall the baptism they are going to be prime missionary target for 10 more years

so... fuck it - kids are smart - make this event a total non-event (even if you are dying inside) to your kid and in a few years they'll start to figure it out NOT because you were an emotional wreck but because you are an example of someone not taking TSCC seriously and prospering

my oldest is 13 and i'm already seeing that my non-interference is taking the wind right out of TSCC's sails - they're nothing...

This!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHpA6qotiwg



The link is to a mantra ,I have been using for meditation .I am new to meditation ,but have found this helpful as I trans ion out of the culture of the cult.

My heart goes out to you. May the strength of light and love .Enlighten your spirit and bring peace to you and your Daughter .

Things were weird in my family when my son (youngest of 4) turned 8. I was trying to leave the church, my marriage was a mess and his birthday came and went and he wasn't baptized.

When son was 12, the ex decided he should be baptized. Several family members, including my non-Mo sister, went to the baptism, but I didn't. It wasn't something I could support so I let them have their day and I stayed home.

I have been to everything...every little thing...my son has been involved with, so this wasn't an easy decision, but it was one I had to make and I'm glad I did.

i know exactly how you feel. This happened to me 5 years ago with my daughter. But in my case, I didn't agree; my daughter supposedly "decided" this on her own and asked the bishop to interview her. Of course both sets of her TBM grandparents were on board and my ex who is jackmormon pushed for it. I was pissed, but I had to support my daughter. It was really hard, but not nearly as hard as attending her New Beginnings into YW 4 years later when they made her Beehive President without even asking my permission. All I can say is, keep an eye on it. If your daughter is excited about it, I think you have to support her but then find ways to interject sanity when possible. Good luck.

don't have an arbitrary early age at which children are to be baptized. Each individual decides for himself orherself when he or she is ready.In one family I know, the younger daughter was baptized at ten, but the older daughter, who still attends services even though she is on her own and doesn't have to, is not baptized, and says she doesn't know if she ever will be.

It's sad when the Mormons are more backwards in some ways than even the jWs.

Just say she's not ready to make such a monumental decisions, traditional or not.

This was me a month ago. My husband baptized my daughter. I was in the lady's room watching from the door in there. There were cute little kids with their faces all smashed up against the glass. It was like watching her take a bath. Meant nothing to me because I'm going to be there to lead her out one day. None of her cousins believe in it, nor her two aunts. Only my FIL, and 3 BILs. The others just keep their names on the records to make dad happy. Their kids don't believe and will not carry this faith forward beyond this generation. My child knows my stand on it. We will see if she can keep it up through her life. Already she doesn't like going that much. They sit alone without me because I've finally said no more church for me.
I had to go the following Sunday to watch them all touch her head with their sweaty hands and have her grandpa give the blessing. After that I endured 3 hours of dillusions and lies and that will be it.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2013 09:17AM by snuckafoodberry.

No worries my friend. Watched my Ex Father in law baptize my Daughter many years ago. I gave her my support/love by being there. Today she like me she has nothing to do with Mormondum and will be getting married, like my oldest Daughter, outside of anything church related, to a Non-Mormon. Living by example and being happy outside of the Cult is the best thing you can do for your children. My TBM Ex Wife has two more Daughters, whom my Girls are close too. It will be interesting to see if the girls influence them of how good life is outside of the walls of a cult.

God almighty. This brings back a maddening memory for me.

I had separated myself from the church emotionally and spiritually, but I didn't want to prejudice my children, so I let them go to church (a mistake in hindsight).

My son announced that he wanted to be baptized and that he wanted his TBM grandparents (my parents) to attend. The Bishop called and informed me that although I had not been attending church, that he would allow me to baptize my son! My son also knew this.

I would not participate in a million years! But my parents didn't know I was inactive. My son was excited. How could I just stand there in front of my devout parents while our Home Teacher did my priesthood responsibility for me?

My wife, who was semi-active, asked why I couldn't participate just this once.

I felt like putting my fist through a wall.

I chickened out. I didn't show up for the baptism. I went out and got a hamburger and drove around town until the family was asleep.

My poor son was disappointed. My wife was furious. My father wrote me a truly horrid letter. I hated myself, but it was like the church's final intimidation and I would never let them force me again into submission again.

I have since though of a dozen other ways I could have handled things, but I was in a panic at the time.

That was years ago, but my blood still boils at the thought.

this may sound strange to everyone in here but the baptism is a contract that links us to maritime law, which IS the law of the land. you will have to do yr own research on this, but i have spent 5 years on it. your birth(berth) certificate also. here is a link. http://ageoflucidity.info/2013/05/15/how-the-roman-catholic-church-rules-the-world-maritime-admiralty-law-papal-bulls-and-sovereignty/

Which lesson do you want to teach your daughter?

That you love and support her unconditionally?

That your love and support come at a price?

Baptism at her age is merely a right of passage. To you it symbolizes many things, mostly negative, to her it probably means nothing of consequence. All she will remember is if you are there for her.

All they do is dip them in water; beyond that, it's a social thing with the kids. There have been threads here asking what people remember about their baptisms, and few of us remember very much. For example:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,599088,599088#msg-599088

In the grand scheme of things that stick a kid in the Mormon church, baptism is pretty weak, imo. Missions and brainwashed parents are far stronger, and your daughter only has one brainwashed parent right now. You don't know what will happen with her dad in the years to come.

If it were me, I think I'd go and try to look supportive, knowing I have at least another ten years of influencing ahead of me.

Of course, you feel how you feel about it.

I'd be more concerned about letting those feelings show and unintentionally reinforcing any notions that I'm under the influence of Satan. :)

If you are having anxiety and panic attacks, you NEED to get to a doctor, preferably together with your husband. Any doctor who has ethics would explain to your husband that your emotional state of being is more important than your daughter's baptism or your parents' approval. The baptism can be put off, if not canceled altogether. Your health cannot be put on hold.

My wife has been fighting an uphill battle against anxiety and has also suffered panic attacks. One of the lessons we have learned the hard way is that it is not worth it to expose yourself to situations that put your emotional stability at risk to please not-so-understanding family members.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2013 08:17PM by zarahemlatowndrunk.

Wow! Just realized how old this thread is.... I feel a bit sheepish now.

Someone named Terri made this thread "current" for today's date. Look closely at her message -- read it. It's talking about Catholicism and maritime law.

I truly think its more troll activity like we had at Christmas.