Topic says it all. My wife was talking to a TBM co-worker a couple days ago. Her son who is in his senior year of High School came out as gay earlier this year. My wifes co-worker (does not know my wife is no longer LDS) told DW that she just wishes her gay son would die so that this problem would just go away. She says worst case she knows that once her son is finished with this "stage" he is going through at least when he is bishop one day he will know what it's like to be tempted into homosexuality so he can counsel others out of the "lifestyle".

Makes me sick. High School is hard enough on kids with all the other crap they are going through. This kid has not only come out as gay he also no longer believes in God or TSCC and his mom wishes he was dead. It's times like this I just hate TSCC and it's culture of cruelty.

Disgusting.

Hopefully the mother will come to see TSSC as the problem (and wish its demise) and not her own son.

Does the son have any access to healthy emotional support?

spaghetti oh Wrote:
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> Does the son have any access to healthy emotional
> support?


Not that I know of. The TBM is taking her son to LDS counseling for therapy.

What do you expect from a cult which teaches that a man is to be admired who says he would rather have his child come home in a pine box than have him/her lose their virginity.

So...the value you have is your untouched reproductive organs?
Perhaps to make sure they are saved for the old polygamists?

Your wife has successfully been programmed to love the church more than her own children. Very sad.

As a mother who lost a son, she has no idea what she is wishing for. Just saying.


Anagrammy

That about says it all.

She needs to go away.

As a gay man, who grew up mormon, and went through the same thing as this high school boy, I wish you could report this woman to child services. This woman may just get her wish by treating her son like dirt. Suicide came frequently on my mind in rexburg Idaho going to Madison senior high school. 99 percent mormon.

From what you tell us, I am greatly worried about this boy. Maybe your wife should report to child protective services, because someone needs to tell this jack ass of a mom that her very attitude could be the difference between her son overdosing on her pills in her medical cabinet or slitting his wrists.

I know it sounds drastic, but her telling others that she wishes her son would die is worry some. It would warrant child protective services at least talking to her. I bet she harasses her son about the gay issue. I know my family did. I came out when I was a junior in high school. I went from elected student body senator and popular kid, to incredibly depressed and felt unwanted. My large group of friends dwindled down to a trusted few. There were many times I considered driving my car into a river. I came close to doing some pretty radical things. Became reckless in activities. Just lost the will to care about myself anymore.

Things have changed, I am happy now, that was 6 years ago, but I was lucky to come out alive, not every gay mormon boy gets so lucky as I did.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/06/2013 12:20AM by jl1718.

I don't even know how to compute that. How sub-human can you become? How much lower can human degradation get? Wanting your own son to die just because he's gay? What a pitiful, pitiful excuse for a human being.

I keep thinking its getting better for the young ones, but as long as Mormons are Mormons, there are many in danger.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/06/2013 12:10AM by blueorchid.

I really like this first paragraph. What would REALLY impress me is for 'wife' to write this up on a blank greeting card, place that card on the co-worker's desk and add her signature. THEN call CPS.

Well, I've heard from a TBM that gay support clubs in high schools are just for orgies.

And do you know what the scary part?

This TBM MOTHER OF FOUR is a HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER!

Wow. I am so mad at that woman I want to throw my laptop at something. That is a seriously evil set of beliefs. Whenever I hear a story like this, I want to stand up and yell "Come here sweetie. I'll be your mommy. I'll admire your courage, your authenticity and your openness. I love your partner like I would any wife you would have had. I'll babysit your kids someday. I'm so proud of you for just being you and not letting anyone define you. You are the best."

I would seriously, happily adopt any teen in this same situation. How can this woman not see that the only truly precious thing life has to offer - the people you love - she is throwing away? How can anyone do that for any reason? I really don't get this. I'm really upset this attitude exists in the world. My SIL just lost her 18 year old son last year. It was devastating. It's nothing to refer to lightly - or seriously. It's horrible. OK, now I'm ranting but I really can't find the words.

The world needs more CA girls!

I cannot imagine the pain that young man is in. Poor kid!

Typical TBM logic. 'Death is better than homosexuality'... what a sick cult.

I feel sorry for the son, though.

The most important thing for a Mormon woman to be is a good mother, and yet the teachings of TSCC make some women incapable of achieving that goal. She needs to join a support group for parents of gay teens and talk to one of the parents whose child has died. Her poor son needs a mother and she's the only one he has, so she needs to change. He can't change his attraction, but she can change her heart. Rotten cult!

Just one. What a pity such neanderthals are able to breed - it is so unfair on those who would love a child unconditionally, no matter what.

Briggy

When I came home from a mission with more questions than answers, and failed to be a font of unwavering dedication and devotion to the MORmON Church, my MORmON male parent wanted me to dis appear.
He wanted me dead, when I dared to question the church, due to lingering questions that I had from serving a mission which was something that he would never do. MORmONISM: its all about family, and making family do what they are supposed to, and if they don't, then it takes a nasty turn toward what happened to Laban. And Yah, its sickening.

People like this woman has never seen the devastation on a family when a child dies.

If I came across this woman, I will create and raise hell. That is a disturbing and disgusting view.

Mormons are behind the times. In the 70s they had to be forced to change their racial views (of course not every individual was that way, but the organization promoted racism) when the country would no longer accept it. Then 'suddenly' there was a revelation that changed it all. Me being young and having non-white friends wasn't freaked out about it at all. I wonder tho, about some of the older people who had been told all their Mormon lives that Blacks were inferior. Did they change because the church changed, or did they have to die out as 'Neanderthal' people?

Altho I wasn't anti-gay, my higher 'gay' education happened on this board, with some posters who wrote what Mormon attitudes about gay people felt like to them. I changed my views to the point where when I talk about marriage to my little daughter I ask whether she is going to marry a man or a woman (she plans on both, the little polygamist, but she's only 7). I live in Canada and I didn't protest against the gay marriage law.

This mother could be a horrible mother. But I don't know her, so I could also say this mother hates conflict or problems. She may just want an ordinary life with no big challenges to her views. She may go 'la la la' if she hears about problems of any kind to her idealistic Mormon view of a Mormon lifestyle and Mormon family. She may not know how to deal with this crisis to HER faith. How does she reconcile this to her belief in a god who ' would never do this to a person' as one GA said sometime.

Can someone educate her? I don't know. Getting her wish fulfilled might educate her, but it's too late then.

The problem is that her son needs her now, not sometime in the future when Mormons have come up with a better view of a gay person.

Thanks for the posts. It broke my heart when my wife told me this. I feel so bad for this kid.

I know a TBM family, who's beautiful, intelligent, fun-filled daughter also happens to be gay. A kinder, happier, more successful young adult would be hard to find. She's what every parent dreams of in a child.

But she's gay.

And at a funeral of another young adult, the TBM mother of this girl is heard to say to others: "At least the parents of the deceased child will get to see their daughter again, I've lost my daughter for all eternity."

Huh and WTF?

Sick and insensitive and grossly overbounds, beyond any reasonable expectations.

But hey, TBM mom is mormon, so that explains her woeful lack of decency and having a clue.

I wish we could establish an adoption agency to adopt all of these poor kids to parents who actually love and cherish them for who they are, and how they love. So that they could know just how valuable they are to others, and to society.

I guess this only applies to some: http://ldsliving.com/story/67980-primary-every-child-is-precious



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/06/2013 09:59AM by schlock.

What a horror.

When the TBM mother says "problem", I think she's referring to her embarrassment in the social paradigm of the ward/stake, etc. If he came out, this news travels fast via texting/tweeting/etc. So now the whole ward knows, including her Bishop and other venerable leadership. So the "problem" is her own embarrassment because in the morgue, she feels she has lost social status. Instead of having a stalwart pure undefiled missionary-to-be son - she has a gay son. To her, gay = evil.

That is why the cult is so evil. It destroys family relationships - it does not build them. Do you think her son senses that his mother would rather have him dead then gay? I do. How tragic.

the one person you count on to have your back .... wow! Unforgivable of that lady!

Wow, this makes me worry about the boy. I hope he is finding some support somewhere. Gay teens are at a much higher suicide risk than heterosexual teens because of all the extra pressures they face. I would hate for her sick desire to come to fruition.

This story reminds me of a situation that happened in my rural Utah town. The daughter of the Stake President had been a mildly rebellious child,nothing really to bad,a little drinking and having a little to much fun for a Mormon girl. She was killed along with three of her friends in a horrific head on collision.

Her mother was actually heard by several people saying that she was actually relieved that she was dead because now she would know that she was through with her sinful habits.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Try to get the information from this website to this mother and all mothers and fathers of lgbt children, Mormon or not:

http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/

Watch the trailer for this film. I have seen the whole thing and its producers have done a superb job of naming and defining this problem and showing the path toward love and acceptance of gay children.

The film features a Mormon family, one that supported Prop 8. And then their son came out to them. It traces how they grew to understand their son and to love and support him as he is. The message is applicable to everyone who knows and loves a gay person and who is struggling with how to reconcile their faith and their love for their child.

The family in this case is still Mormon. I think that eventually the path of accepting a gay child inevitably leads out of the church because at its core the church is homophobic and horribly wrong. But I guess I'm trying to head off criticism in this thread of the family remaining in the church. People don't get there overnight, and the family featured here is a model for how to give loving support to a gay child. The trailer doesn't do justice to the powerful impact of the whole film.

At the very least, get at risk families like this to this website.

sophia Wrote:
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> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Try to get the information
> from this website to this mother and all mothers
> and fathers of lgbt children, Mormon or not:
>
> http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/
>
Thanks for the link. I know some people who will benefit from it.

TBM have such a skewed perception of what family means. My own mother kicked me out the summer before my senior year because I had taken up smoking. Ciggarets, I was 18, in Nevada, didn't do it around the home. Yet she didn'tn even give me a chance to quit. Just told me to get out. That was the best thing she ever did for me. Not that this is the same. Just TBM, would rather their own children be out of thier lives, than deal with a problem, or even have it look like to other people there IS a problem.

To deny your own child the love and support of his mother in this life, in exchange for the nonproveable, unverifiable promise and hope of his receiving love from soneone else youve never met and cannot even prove exists, on some distant planet in some far-off, nonmappable universe, some day that can't be known, saddens and angers me.

Be the safe harbor for your kid in the here and now you share with him, lady. love really is as simple as that.

Why is she, and her religion, making it so complicated?

That poor kid.

Wow! Seriously, WOW! This mother is in serious denial about her son. With so many states outlawing the use of therapies that try to turn gay people straight, I thought the counseling world had turned a corner on compassion and understanding of homosexuality. Sounds like LDS counselors are seriously untrained and behind the times if they are still trying to "UN-GAY" people. I think the ACA and APA should be notified of this practice. Am I assuming correctly that this is happening in Utah? If so, I for one, will make every effort to get Utah chapters of these organizations on board with pointing the finger at LDS Counseling services and hopefully getting them kicked out and uncertified. This is plain unimaginable!

Unfortunately this kind of "conversion" therapy bs isn't limited to the mormons. My hairdresser is a conservative Baptist (Southern Baptist Convention). One of her nephews came out as gay in high school. The family put him in therapy to convince him he was just going through a phase. I had to bite my tongue when she was telling me this. She kept saying, "He's only 16, he doesn't know if he's gay." If she didn't have a sharp pair of scissors in her hand at the time, I would have gotten into an argument with her about it.

But I know where she got bad her ideas from. The mega church she goes to also had their own conversion therapy program, like Evergreen. It has since been shut down. There's a documentary about it available on Netflix but unfortunately I can't remember the name of it right now.

So she was picking up this "anti-gay" crap from the pulpit. I do think she is changing her mind some now though, as she has been pretty disillusioned with her church lately. This church got into a big stink about a lesbian playing on their community owned softball fields, but yet hid the fact that they had a pastor with a record of pedophilia for more than 10 years.

So, I'm afraid this kind of narrow minded thinking isn't limited to the mormons.

The woman (I can't call her a "mother") needs a healthy dose of PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays)


What a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE woman!

When I was in my undergrad years at BYU-I, my roommate came to me and told me about a debate they had in one of her psych classes. The debate was this: If you had a child that was gay and getting married to his/her partner, would you attend the wedding?

Even as a TBM I was SHOCKED that this was even up for debate! OF COURSE YOU GO TO THE WEDDING! Otherwise, you're telling your kid that your love is conditional.

It truly is amazing how TSCC has the nerve to profess that they are a "family" oriented church when all they do is destroy families. Let your kids be true to themselves and you will be in awe of how amazing they really are.

solost Wrote:
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>Let your
> kids be true to themselves and you will be in awe
> of how amazing they really are.


+1,000,000

solost Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> When I was in my undergrad years at BYU-I, my
> roommate came to me and told me about a debate
> they had in one of her psych classes. The debate
> was this: If you had a child that was gay and
> getting married to his/her partner, would you
> attend the wedding?
>
> Even as a TBM I was SHOCKED that this was even up
> for debate! OF COURSE YOU GO TO THE WEDDING!
> Otherwise, you're telling your kid that your love
> is conditional.
>
I don't mean to be rude, but I don't understand why that attitude was shocking. I mean, this is a church which excludes all non-Mormon parents from attending their *straight* kids' weddings in Mormon temples. Mormons grow up with the idea that it's fine for people not to attend weddings of close family members, depending on the circumstances.

My TBM mom is really very guileless, and only means to be helpful. Unfortunately for me, it took me years to realize this about her. She's convinced that anything that came out of a "prophet's" mouth has to be totally true and therefore helpful. When I came out she quoted to me Spencer W. Kimball's gem that it would be better for someone to throw themselves into the Great Salt Lake with a rock tied to their ankle than to be gay. A) Nothing sinks in the Great Salt Lake, I'd just be bobbing atop the briny water, gay as ever. B) She just couldn't understand why I was hurt that I thought she wanted me dead. "I didn't say I wished you were dead, I said it would be BETTER if you were dead." Silly me. She is actually quite bright, but when it comes to the gospel, the brain shuts right off.

Forward this to her: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/linda-robertson/just-because-he-breathes-learning-to-truly-love-our-gay-son_b_3478971.html

...think again.

What concerns me is that if this woman is saying such a thing at work, she is probably saying it to her child at home. Verbal abuse of a child is against the law in Utah and reportable to DCFS and in Utah everyone is a mandated reporter, not just the usual professionals.

DCFS staff are no doubt aware of the high rate of suicide among that boy's age group and of the danger he's in emotionally.

Maybe, Wolfsbane, you could refer the video cited above to the woman as a way to alleviate her own pain. That way she may see you as sympathetic to her perceived dreadful plight. A flanking move rather than a frontal assault on how misguided she is.