For those that aren't aware of my being atheistic-agnostic, or why I have those views, I'm going to take some time out this afternoon to retell my story.

I was very sick as a kid with a chronic illness (which I still have as an adult). In late 1984, when I was 8 3/4, I became violently ill. One night, in the middle of the night in fact, I prayed & prayed for God to heal me. This is what I had been taught - that if you have enough faith, that God & Jesus will heal you. So, I prayed for hours to be healed - probably about 3-4 hours, so that I wouldn't have to go into the hospital. I wasn't healed, I didn't receive an answer to my prayers, & I ended up in the ICU a few days later.

I realized that if there was a God, he had nothing to do with us, that we couldn't prove either way that he even existed, & I personally believed for myself that God probably didn't even exist.

Now, I was already the type of kid that thought the Bible & BOM were just stories. & I also thought that the Holy Ghost didn't exist, because I surely didn't ever feel him. But I wanted to believe in God & Jesus very badly, ever since I was very small.

I kept my disbelief to myself for many years because I was afraid of being punished & ostracized. I did become a questioner & was considered a critical thinker within Primary & the teen programs. I tried to hold onto a type of belief in Jesus for many, many years, one where he was just a man & a teacher, & that did give me great comfort for many years. In fact, in many ways, I still consider myself to be a Christian-Atheist.

I just wanted everyone to know that my disbelief came about not because I was searching for something, or because I read some person's book as an adult. That it manifested itself during a very private & personal experience in my life as a young kid.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/14/2013 05:47PM by Tristan.

The hard ground (Mormonism) of your soul has to be plowed up and tilled before something new can be planted. If the clods were sentient and could speak, they would say it's not only confusing, but it hurts like Hell, too!

I'm almost 38 years old, & I've been out of the cult for almost 13 years. & I was a nonbeliever within the cult for 17 years. What I'm expressing is my true self. Despite my disbelief, I did look into other churches & even other religions when I left TSCC. Like I said in another thread, I'm not anti religion, I'm not against it, but it wasn't for me, even liberal faiths like Unitarianism.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/14/2013 05:45PM by Tristan.

That's pretty much the same conclusion I came to after going through a few periods of great stress in my life. I decided that either God was there, didn't care, and might even be into watching people suffer.

Or He simply wasn't there at all and I was just talking to an imaginary friend.

I was also a critical thinker at a young age.. One time I asked mother if God knew our thoughts. She answered that yes, He does. I was disgusted! I thought that if He saw my actions, that should be sufficient for Him and my thoughts should be my own. I also noticed that prayer had no discernable effects. I prayed and prayed that my little sister would not die from her kidney failure, but she did. I prayed that my parents would not divorce, but they did. At that point, I believed that God either did not exist or did not really care about people on a personal level.

I'm just the opposite. I used to totally believe in God as a kid, but I become an atheist after reading some person's book as an adult. The Bible.

I quickly realized the Bible couldn't literally be true. After all, it starts out with God creating the world 6,000 years ago! Dead giveaway! Add stories like Noah's Flood, Balaam's talking donkey, Jonah and the whale, etc. and it becomes pretty obvious that the Bible contains at least some fiction. If some of the Bible is fiction, what part (if any) is true? You can only determine what is true by examining the evidence, and since there is no evidence of God, I have to assume he is just one more fabrication to add to the Bible's collection of lies.

http://www.amazon.com/Going-Home-Jesus-Buddha-Brothers/dp/1573228303

I never was able to accept the teachings of TSCC. As a child I was left to find out for myself, I had many questions, what was the truth, if mormons are suppost to be Christian why were they so mean minded, if the JS translations were inspired then why did it so frequently seem out of context with the Bible? How is it that some people seem to get answers to prayers and mine never went anywhere?

I concluded that the Beattitudes is just a good attitude to have.

The Bible was started by cavemen that needed to have a good story to tell around the fire. God was formed from the smoke.

If there is a God he/she/it is a damn smart scientist.

That commandments were created to keep humanity from self distruction.

Religion is a political and economical means to control the masses.

When I need spiritual comfort I meditate, for then I can hear my own voice, find that which I call "my center" and become in harmony with the universe.

There is always a lot of BS people well try to feed you, me included.

Remain critcal.

Hello Tristan,

Thankyou for your lovely honest telling of your feelings. I am sorry to hear of your chronic illness and hope you are able to be well often now.

I found your writing SO refreshing, in that you are expressing feelings and how you got to where you are, and NOT telling anyone else what to beleive or feel. I have found here that most atheists/agnsotics are SO insistant that everyone agrees with them. That isn't any more possible than our involvement in tscc was. It is wonderful to have you say, this is what I beleive ......period! I really appreciate that, and totally support your beleifs. You have found them through a deep personal journey, and that is a wonderful thing.

I found your definition of yourself as a Christian/athiest - great. I really can understand that. I too feel that Christ, as he has been told to us, was a good man, who taught wonderful and quite revolutionary things for his time. I admire him. BUT I have difficulty with the whole need for him to be tortured to death FOR ME! In so many ways our thoughts appear to be exactly the same.

Take care Tristan! I send my love to you!