It's very personal. It's internal and external It has a lot of components: emotional, intellectual, physical. It usually takes a lot of time.

It's what I often refer to as a: Do It Yourself Project - with no manual! It's what I define as: Leaving Your Generational, Cultural, Traditional, Religious Tribe. In my case, as a convert: My Adopted Tribe.
Part of my personal process: getting myself "Un-Mormonized" -- deleting and rewriting the automatic thinking scripts imprinted from decades of living Mormonism. It took awhile!

What we understood at the time as the teachings/doctrine as related to us is very different. No place is this more evident as when attending the temple. The lack of current official teaching is vague at most,As a consequence, what one considers symbolic, figurative, literal varies widely.

My first trip to the temple, as a new convert of just over a year,( to be married to my RM fiance), was so strange (another story for another day), I refused to go back for over a year. But, I was well ensconced in Mormon Culture living in BYU Wymount Married Student Housing in the early 60's and was given lots of encouragement to go back. Or "when in Rome" ...as they say.

I eventually acquiesced and went back, again and again and again for several decades, as it was part of my beliefs in the religion I had joined. I found no reason to think any of it was anything but figurative and symbolic. Nothing in my life up to that point had any kind of reference to indicate that symbols were literal. I didn't even remember my "new name" as I thought it was only to be used at a certain place an time, then I promptly forgot it! (How I got it back, is another story for another time.)

I did not know at the time (and for years later) that other people understood it all so differently. I realized, by a few faux pas comments early on, that no part of the temple was to be discussed outside the temple. Ever. It was a closed subject. So, I didn't broach the subject again. Much later, I did explain how to wear and use the temple clothing to a new convert (as she was borrowing mine), going to the temple for the first time. Interestingly, she returned them, and never cam back to church. Now I think I know why! :-)

The fact that our little family joined so easily was partly because of our belief in Spiritualism in addition to our belief in Christianity which was lived in the home for generations. After I left the LDS Church, I happened to read B H Roberts and learned that Joseph Smith Jr was considered a "psychic" ! I was correct all along. What a surprise that was!

What I later recognized as Red Flags, (something didn't add up, didn't make sense) I just "shelved" as told, but when I realized the extent of the metaphysical claims of Joseph Smith I knew I was correct all along and could trust myself. (This is my From Fog to Enlightenment Post I have shared before.)

Then I found the book" Early Mormonism and the Magic World View" - and got more insight into how I was on target all along. The same reasons that contributed to how easily I joined with our little family, contributed to how easy I stopped believed in the claims.

I finally got used to the temple - accepted it, at the time as symbolic, figurative, and sacred. It was rather easy to become an Olympian Athletic in Mental Gymnastics and Compartmentalization! Mormonism was wrapped up in a tight compartmentalized box and hermetically sealed shut! I was surrounded by believers, and for a long time, went right along with it as was expected.

Eventually, a bunch of "somethings" (dozens of Red Flags) grew and grew until they all fell off the shelf and the code to the emotional attachment/bond was broken and I was able to accept new and more accurate information about the LDS Church and it's claims, teachings.

Then the bridge was broken. It all came falling down in a heap. Interestingly, my innate personality and ability to see humor (in most things), was my first reaction. OH MY GOSH. Joseph Smith Jr told a WHOPPER and that ain't no hamburger! It struck me as a very clever, funny ploy that had millions of believers still clinging to the new and improved -- sanitized faith promoting history of what I like to refer to as an American God Myth - or Joseph's Myth --don't know who coined that, but it fits! There wasn't an ounce of truth to any of the claims of angels and translations, and visitations, etc. What a fantastic clever story!

I had no clue, no idea how other people had internalized Mormonism. It was not discussed except on superficial levels in the LDS Church. It was typical religious support: believe, and testify. Not until I got on line, read and posted to different boards, chat rooms, etc, did I find out how Mormonism was very different to different people. Much of it was not any where close to how I lived and believed it as a young adult convert.That is why I often say: there are as many different kinds of Mormonism as there are Mormons. I didn't know how true that was until I compared living in Oregon, Utah, and California and actively involved in the LDS Church. And was I active! Wow.

When we stop believing in the claims and leave the LDS Church , there are a lot of changes that take place. Many times, many of the reasons for not believing are laced with angst, anger, bitterness, resentment, etc., for some ,more so than others. Some do not get out very easily. Some never totally leave the LDS Church even thought they don't believe it's claims.

When the house of cards comes tumbling down, there is a great need to talk to someone. To know we are not alone. To know that we are OK an were OK all along. We didn't need to be fixed by Mormonism. To know there is more to life. To know it's OK to leave the LDS Church and be happy, and at peace ...in, fact, in my experience, it's a much more expanded happiness!

There is a need to vent, to talk about our experiences, to share, and to know it's OK to think about....everything. No longer is there a taboo on discussing.....anything and everything. And what a great relief that is!!
Someone will understand. Someone will listen.
That's part of the value of this board and others.

Some have families that leave with them, some not. There is a new phenomenon in the LDS Church - a new definition of the Part Member family: part believers and part not! I never imagined that would happen, but here it is!
I am one of those part member families.

Because of our individual personalities, family dynamics, circumstances, we all leave the LDS Church and build a New World View ...just ...a little differently. It think that's great. It's a big world of ideas out there!

I have never been more at peace than I am now with my New and Improved World View,....giving myself permission to allow it to evolve and change.

So, we keep on keeping on, putting one foot in front of the other, learning new things, finding new insights that resonate with us.

The freedom after leaving the confines of the LDS Church and it's teachings is indescribable. There are no words for it! But I know it when I see it! :-)

Ahh...life is wonderful! ..... Most of the time! It's what I often say is: the good, the bad the ugly!

Questioning Mormonism? Go right ahead. It's fine. Want support? It's here!

There's nothing like hugging an ex-mo woman. You always get that full frontal hug and not that whateverthehellthatwas hug as a Mo.

Just sayin'...

Ronnie

And we don't have to put up with that double handshake, or the garment feel up either! :-)

Well said, Susie.

I keep coming back to Prop8 as my tipping point.

I was working in a local city college. I saw, heard, talked to and listened to a wide spectrum of people of all ages. That's where I broke out of the insular church point of view and received my own education of the acceptance of gays in society today. At least where I live.

So when Prop8 came along, I made the decision not to participate.

Then more church dominoes started falling and with that feelings of anger and betrayal but not bitterness or resentment. By that point I was sure of my position and started planning my exit with confidence.

I'm not out yet, still moving the chess pieces on that. But moving forward.

And without the guilt of never being good enough or doing enough, I am enjoying life a lot more.

depending on what is going on at the time in the world we live in and how the LDS Church is able to adapt.

I guess I was lucky, I didn't seem to get the guilt-gene that can be so debilitating. I do guilt for about two minutes, just enough time to recognize something needs to change and be fixed and I have to take responsibility for it.

LDS beliefs tend to be insular. They don't mesh well with the rest of the world. I came unglued when Prop22 came along and the church wanted the members to go door to door with fliers.
The LDS Church, in my view, assumes that their members are going to do what they are told and not think about how off base they are, or how ridiculous, and outrageous they are!
Being taught they don't get involved in politics then see that kind of thing with Prop 22 and Prop 8, it was a real eye opener to what they will do when they think they need to rally the members.
What really got me is the level of money the members would contribute just because they were told to. Then I read the list of contributors and saw names of people I had known all my life and wondered what are you thinking??
I am still shaking my head.

Those that internalize the "follow the prophet" mantra will do almost anything, I think.