Uchtdorf said, "We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner". I totally agree. While teaching Gospel Doctrine thirteen or fourteen years ago, I started to have serious doubts about JS as a prophet. Those doubts grew to include much of the church history I was required to teach. Over the years, I learned how to explain away my doubts. I became an apologetic to myself and anyone else who would listen. I didn't search diligently for the truth, rather, I let my doubts take me prisoner.

Events in 2008 made my prison an increasingly uncomfortable place, but it wasn't until Christmas of 2012 that I searched for the whole truth and freed myself from the prison of my doubts.

I realize that I was a prisoner of TSCC and the lies upon which it is based, for my entire life, but I was a fool, living in a fools paradise until doubt caught me in a prison somewhere between blind faith and the truth that would set me free.

How long did you live in a prison of doubt?

7 years so far, and I'm not sure I have escaped just yet.

I would say a good 10 plus years. I was busy raising small kids at the time so it went by pretty fast. But yes, doubt I did and the reassurance I got from those around me really helped me to see it for what it was. A big fat lie. The reassurance part was my attempt to be sarcastic. The things people said to me were absolutely ridiculous. I now see it for what it is, circular logic, gas lighting, control and manipulation. My sincere questioning was never received in a loving, understanding way. I just wish I had come to my senses earlier. It was a long painful ten plus years before I could actually break free from the crazy cycle that is the church!!!

At twelve years of age I anxiously told my father that I had discovered Mormonism is fake. The next six years were hell on Earth. Faith held me prisoner, not doubt. My father's faith was my bondage. I now know that his actions were evil, and I was a captive minor. But he was righteous among the temple keepers. He paid.

I still would like to know what mades us different from the typical mormon mind set. DOn you reminded me about what my parents would tell me I would say as a preteen. "what if this is all a big lie and we are all being tricked?" Do you think it has something to do with the church it self or did we get disappointed and disillusioned at such a young age as to just not trust anyone. Especially people in authority, like our parents?


(poster formally know as l.u.v.c.a.k.e.)

I literally went from believer to non-believer instantaneously. Then again, I define belief to be the church having a greater than 50% chance of it being true, and unbelief as it having less than a 50% chance. The moment it crossed that mark for me was pretty tremendous. I suppose anything between 1% and 99% counts as doubt, but it never felt like a struggle to me. Either it was mostly likely true or it was most likely not. Granted, this was after my mission beat all the absolutism out of me. Once it dipped to 49%, because of how much of my life had been devoted to and was still invested in the church, I went on an information crusade to see if the evidence would pull that number away from the midpoint one way or the other. As it turns out, intense research brought it lower. MUCH lower.

Looking back, I'd been dealing with doubts for many years but I rationalized them or put them on the shelf. It was 7 or 8 months ago that I was going through another serious period of doubt and decided to just study the Bible, starting with the OT. I wasn't very far in before my doubts came to a head. There was no way that the temple is a restoration of ancient temples in any way. None. Screamingly obvious when I read the OT without someone holding my hand like in SS or seminary. A friend of mine had recently left the church and posted the John Dehlin video about why active members leave the church and it all just clicked. THis is not just me. I am not just unfaithful. This is real. So I confronted the doubt, researched the issues, which led to the discovery of more issues. And now here I am: full unbeliever in all things Mormon.

I realized yesterday that it is just over 6 months ago that I told my husband how I was feeling about the church. He was shocked, concerned, totally emotional about it. I remember the talk Holland gave at conference just a couple of weeks later and how it messed with my husband at the time and pissed me off. And now, just 6 months later, we're both out and taking our 4 children with us.

So, to answer your question, I spent probably 2 years dealing with significant doubts that I tried to squelch, 15 years of doubts before that that didn't interfere with my ability to believe in the church as a whole, and 3-4 months of heavy, anxiety-ridden research before I could admit what I had realized: that the church is not "true".

Nine years. Oh the sweet air of freedom!

Wasn't keeping track, but I would say I stayed active 5-6 years past when I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually DONE. The reason -- I wanted to see my youngest daughter get married and Hubby and I had taught her so well, we knew it would be in the temple. So I played the game until that day. Last time I ever went to the temple. Took me a while after that to send in my resignation. Hubby worked at YBU and didn't want me to make waves for him. I resigned a few years after he passed away. Never been happier.

who was a free thinker. He was extremely strict, but it wasn't about mormonism that he was strict--more about how we lived our lives, lived by the rules in the world. BUT he was very much a free thinker and what you saw is what you got. He was NEVER FAKE. He didn't attend church much, etc.

So--when I finally met many nonmormons where I worked, things didn't make sense any longer, though I clung to mormonism. My siblings for the most part did not. I started having my first doubts when dating a nonmormon. But it took marrying someone gay that really put the wheels in motion--or before I married him. I was shocked by how the lds church handled the situation. It took years to sort it all out. Both my ex and I listened to Steve Benson and to the September Six. We read Dialog and Sunstone. We took baby steps out.

I went inactive in about 1992, but it took until about 2004 for it to completely fall apart. I had to take a vacation from the weekly programming for it to all fall apart in my mind--so I could listen to my own intuition instead of listening to them.

Doubt didn't hold me prisoner, but fear kept me from resigning for almost 30 years. Fear that a bishop or stake president, or a court of love would become part of my resignation effort. Fear that the missionaries would show up at my door. Fear loomed so large in my mind -- it was way out of proportion to reality.

Most of my fears were unfounded, except that the missionaries DID appear at my door -- even though I lived on top of an 8,000 foot mountain in New Mexico, a remote little village.

Thankfully I was not home that day and my big burly outspoken husband met them at the gate and shooed them away, lol!

Recently my son resigned. He received his final resignation verification letter from SLC just 3 weeks ago. The missionaries visited him too, but he just shrugged it off and sent them on their merry (or should I say dejected) way.

Now my entire family is out! Oh happy day.

I enjoyed your story (and I love your name!).

Thanks ellenL. Welcome. (I think you're new here? Not sure)

I'm a 51 year old mother and grandmother and I spent 30 years doubting my doubts. 4 months ago I realized the only way I could go on living was to LET GO and trust myself. I left the church and consider myself 100% ex-mormon. I am married to a TBM and live in the very heart of the mormon corridor, (utah county), and have exactly one non-mo friend. Yet, I have never been happier or more at peace. I've been surprised at how easy it has been to let it all go.

That's a very brief synopsis of my journey. I'm glad to have found some forums to read about other's experiences; it's been very helpful to not feel so alone. Thank you!

I got lucky. I was always a "challenge authority" sort of teen. Not sure why. I was having serious doubts by the time I got to BYU. It wasn't making sense. I was out by the time I was mid-twenties. Best thing I ever did. As I look back over a whole adult life free of moism I see how great and grand it has been. I wish we could get people out earlier, help them get free of the foggy thinking and control, their lives would be so much better. TSCC is so damaging and destructive, truly feel sorry for people that discover late in life how fake moism is and realize the time and money they have wasted supporting a cult.

This "doubt" topic is currently occupying the top 3 in our forum list.

Every time I've seen the word "doubt" over the last couple days I subconsciously read "donut."

Donuts are yummy.

I put up with 6 months with serious doubts. 2 months as a non-believer (it is painful) then I came clean to my wife about 3 months ago. I attended the temple once (I attended a wedding, and wanted to see the movie) and church once since then. After that I was all done. Haven't been back yet. I told my HT I was taking a break, I told my bishop I was taking a break and didn't want to be contacted. They have respected my request going on two months now. I recently moved into this ward so I think that helped lessen the blow. If they bug me I'd happily resign, but see no reason to do so before then.

I wouldn't say I'm all the way out, since my wife is still in, and my children go every other week.