My best friend, a super-mo RM, came to visit me in my new house. I told her that we had also looked at a house on such-and-such street, kind of close to the bar off of main street (the only one in this tiny town!). She responded with, "Dang it, you should've moved there! Was it within walking distance? 'Cause you could've gone any time you want! You could even leave your kids at home. Just crack the window and you can hear them from inside the bar!"

I KNOW she was just joking, and I'm not one to get offended easily. But it just makes me think, like, what does she think of me? Does she think that because I'm an ex-member, I just drink all the time? Any time I want? Isn't there a saying--something like, every joke is half truth. Her comments just made me wonder what she thinks of me.

Drinking is such a taboo for TBMs! I think in my family having a beer is right up there with out of wedlock pregnancy. ha.

I've noticed that taking the plunge - your first drink - has been a really big deal for me and for all my other friends who have left. It felt like the point of no return somehow...

Anyhow, yes, your friend probably thinks you are an alcoholic. Just like how a guy who whacks off with his playboy once a month is a porn addict. Typical TBM black-and-white thinking. No help for it.

I think it was a huge relief to my TBM DH that, after I left the church (having been a convert, and thus no newbie to alcohol) I keep my alcoholic intake very minimal. I don't keep alcohol in the house (unless you count cooking wine and sherry) and only order the occasional cocktail (never more than one) if we go out for supper.

I remember the first time I got a drink that actually had a substantial amount of alcohol in it. I was pretty silly on the way home, making stupid comments, telling lame jokes, not at all my usual fairly unremarkable self.

DH asked me, "Do you always get like that when you've had a bit to drink?" I asked, "You mean, do I get silly? Yeah, I guess I do." He said "I think it's cute. Kinda sassy. Maybe like you were as a little kid."

At least he doesn't think I'm some sort of horrible exmo wino monster.

Our TBM friends and family are in a pickle: To acknowledge or not to acknowledge? That is the question. Either way it has to be done. And it is awkward.

My cousin's family looks past the Starbucks cup in her hand as though it doesn't exist. Tells her how cute her shoes are when she is wearing a spaghetti strap dress. Does everything they can to help her feel like one of them.

On the other end of the spectrum, my family mention alcohol in good humor Every Single Time We Meet. As though they are reaching out to me with all they can muster to show me acceptance and love.

Either way, there exists a palpable Us-vs-Them mentality.

"Thus onto Eternal perfection, the honest and faithful will go / While those who reject this glad message will never such happiness know"

Just be ready with a zinger if she ever tries that again. Laugh and say, "Oh yeah, just like people who are constantly at church meetings and activities and leave their children at home."

I've forgotten how obnoxious that line from the song is. Yes, we are the perfect ones following all of the excellent rules while you lesser folks "will never such happiness know." I hate the box that "lesser folks" are put into by religious zealots. It is so very christian, isn't it?

As a TBM, I didn't really "understand" anything about alcohol. I used to think it was possible to get addicted to alcohol just from one drink. So that's probably what your friend thinks too.

Maybe next time the subject comes up, make sure to slip it in casually that you only drink once every few weeks.