Posted by:
Gay Philosopher
(
)
Date: October 14, 2013 06:51PM
Hi,
(1) What is right? and (3) What is right for me? are the same questioon, expressed from the standpoint of society versus you, as the individual.
(2) is easily answerable. Many, many students lose their virginity at your age in life, so I'd say that that's pretty normal.
As for what's right, since it's part of your private life, but it affects one other person, you get to decide what's right in conjunction with the girl. There's nothing wrong with engaging in sex, so long as: (a) you don't allow harm to befall the girl; (b) you don't allow harm to befall you; and (c) hopefully one or both of you will benefit in some way.
In practical terms, this means that there are psychological (emotional, particularly for the girl, because girls tend to want relationships rather than just sex) and physical (disease) risks. How would you feel if she insisted that she was a virgin, but wasn't, and infected you with the herpes virus (as happened to a close friend of mine)? That virus never goes away, although you can take expensive pills for the rest of your life to try to reduce the frequency and intensity of outbreaks.
Then, there are the more serious--if not lethal--viruses: HIV, and the hepatitis viruses, which are 100x more easily spread than HIV. And don't forget about human papilloma virus (HPV). It's easily transmmitted through skin-on-skin contact. In males, some strains of it cause genital warts. In females, over the course of decades, some of the strains can cause cervical cancer. (There's now a vaccine, but it's doubtful that she was vaccinated, and in general, vaccines are far, far from conferrring 100% immunity. The flu virus is only 33% effective, after all.)
Let's pretend that at some point in the future, you met the love of your life. Would you want to risk contracting HPV and inadvertently spreading it to her? It's all a matter of risk.
Condoms don't necessarily prevent STD's. My friend always used a condom, and yet he has herpes. The only truly safe behavior is solo masturbation. The girl could masturbate you, and that would be safe, but penetrative (oral, vaginal, and especially anal) sex will always carry risks. How much risk is acceptable? My friend was 18 at the time that he repeatedly had sex with a girl that swore up and down that she didn't have any STD's, until my friend was infected with herpes. Have you heard the expression, "trust but verify?" Verify. Your health depends on it. You have a long life ahead. You wouldn't want to do something that you'd spend the rest of your life regretting.
I know that you want to have sex, and there's nothing wrong with doing so, so long as both of you go into it with an accurate understanding of expectations and risks, and you do so honestly. To what degree can you truly trust this girl?
In the end, it's up to you. Only you know how lustful you are, and to what extent not having sex with girls would reduce the quality of your life. Some guys are far more lustful than others, and they're tortured by the prospect of not having an active sex life. You have to weigh the tradeoffs, keep clearly in mind that there could be permanent, undesirable consequences to your actions, and then choose wisely.
I had another young friend who had sex with a girl he didn't plan to marry, and this led to an unwanted pregnancy that would have turned scandalous had anyone found out. They wound up aborting the fetus, which caused all sorts of trauma for both of them. Don't go there.
Personally, if you're oriented toward marrying a woman and having a family and being a devoted father and husband, I think that you shouldn't have sex now. Ultimately, though, the choice is yours. Life entails risk and tradeoffs.
Inform yourself and choose wisely. Just remember that it's not your decision alone. Also remember that viruses don't usually give anyone a second chance.
Best,
Steve