Posted by:
resipsaloquitur
(
)
Date: February 04, 2011 04:22PM
My TBM father, who is a young and reasonably healthy 66 year old, found out today that he has an aneurysm in his brain that could rupture at any moment and kill him instantly. He'll likely have to have neurosurgery within the next few days. He had the same condition 20 years ago and it almost killed him then. The percentages are not on his side this time around.
I went with my TBM brothers to his home to be with him today, and we had a good long conversation, expressed our love and support, and all in all good feelings prevailed. As we were getting ready to leave, my dad asked my TBM brothers for a priesthood blessing, and then turned to me and specifically asked me to join in. I have told him numerous times that I am an atheist, that I believe in neither god nor any form of supernatural/metaphysical religion. Even knowing this about me, he specifically asked me to join in the circle, and said "Just rely on MY faith."
I have been heartbroken all day because of my dad's condition. Although he and I have very little in common (mostly because of religion), I love my father. I didn't want to say anything negative or confrontational or disappointing to him, given his condition, and given the fact that he may be on borrowed time. But I had to refuse, and he continued to press it and insist. I finally had to say that I had resigned from and was no longer a member of the church.
This ended the request, of course, and he even said to my brothers that they should wait to do the blessing (presumably until a time when I'm not there). Then he said, very awkwardly, "Well then you'll be one of these people that, um, have their, uh, butts kicked..." He couldn't finish the thought because he could see immediately how offensive it was. He meant, of course, that I would be punished severely by god for my waywardness.
This has been a very difficult thing for me, because I didn't want this to be about me or my beliefs or religion. I wanted to simply share time and love with my father, but he had to try and push religion and guilt on me in the middle of it. For the record, I struggle with no feelings of guilt or shame. I just wish religion wouldn't interfere with my relationships with my family like this. It was a pointed example of how religion poisons everything.
God I hate TSCC.