Long story short: wild night a month ago ended with a close encounter of the carnal kind.

I didn't "finish" inside but it seems to have made no deal.

She moved to another city a few weeks ago. Marriage we are both recovering financially after some long term unemployment. My family won't help. Abortion is out of the question.

1. She's only a few weeks along..wrong to pray for a miscarriage?

2. Adoption seems the only option. Does anyone know how to find a safe place for a newborn to land?

I know this site is about RfM but right now its my only outlet. I'm trying to remain calm but its hard. want to do the right thing. Help.

Try using birth control. You're an adult; act like one.

Kind of late for birth control at this point.

Try googling adoption services in your area...or looking in the classifieds in a local paper...there seems to be adoption companies in the ones around here...and then google them to see what's what.

Maybe a family planning agency in your area (or are they shut down due to gov't issues atm?)

No argument with your comment, but that's "Monday-morning QB'ing"...meaning too little, too late..


But YES use birth control if all you want is a little fun especially w/no strings attached..

Judgmental much? Really, show some empathy! You sound like a TBM picking up rocks to stone someone caught in adultery!

at least one form of contraception EVERY SINGLE TIME.
There is NO EXCUSE for any adult not to use contraception EVERY SINGLE TIME.

BadGirl is a GoldStar member of the "Not Even Once Club"

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1014518,1014993

An adult would understand the inherent harm in "not even once" mentality and recognize when they exhibited it.

Yes, we all agree that doing something dumb even once is, well, dumb. Most of us here understand, though, that excluding someone from the club of "humans worth helping" because they've done something dumb once that we would never do it is extremely damaging to both self-esteem and human relationships. It's a type of mentality very common in mormonism, and one that most of us on this board have grown up from.

You're over 50, you claim that you have used contraception EVERY time you have had sex, and you tell ME to grow up?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 04:36PM by sonoma.

Married, no kids.
Always used the sponge, at least, and later the pill.
Why is it that I can do it, but men can't be bothered?

I think you are being a bit defensive here, Sonoma. Sounds like I hit a nerve.

125 million years ago a few of our ancestral cousins went about trying to find out what the source of pregnancy was, they concluded after lots of practice that pregnancy was caused by sex.

I understand that you choices are limited now but one month ago you had the option of wrapping it up and you choose not to. You are now forced to make some really hard decisions. Above all remember that she is the one that is pregnant and you are not at liberty to force her to continue the pregnancy. If she chooses to keep the baby than together you can talk about adoption.

30 days ago? And she is absolutely sure she's actually pregnant not just late with her period?

She needs to see a doctor, pronto, for her health and that of the baby if there is one.

As far as praying for a miscarriage? Not a prayer, myself. But if I were that kind of person it seems...unkind, not spiritual, vindictive to me. Yes, it might be better if the problem did not exist or would poof! just go away, but to pray for that to happen that way? Not my style

What does SHE wish to do at this point, assuming she is actually pregnant? Is she asking you what you wish to do, or telling you what she will do?

Can she ask her health care doctor or nurse for information regarding these topics? Her clergy person? Her parents, sister or a friend? Does she have access to these things? Do you?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 12:32PM by bookratt.

at this point you don't even know if its yours. wait for a definitive test before you do anything stupid (like marry or pay for something). If you two had a one night fling once, chances are you both are willing to do it on a different night with someone else. The baby may be the result of someone else's swimmers.

Real men sack up when faced with the possibility, they don't shirk into the shadows.

Yep

because EVERYONE knows that contraception is 100% fool proof and NEVER EVER fails. You have a point but you're turning into a dog with a bone(r) on this and it's not pretty on you.

Actually, not "finishing" inside is a form of contraception that the original poster used, similar in effectiveness to some artificial forms. Clearly not enough, though, to keep his status as "human" in your eyes.

my wife and I have been trying to have kids and adopt for over 12 years--- shoot me an email if you are serious, we both have stable jobs, we have a stable relationship, love camping-- live in colorado...

kn1ghtus@yahoo.com

Hindsight is 20/20 so there's no point in telling you now what you should have done. I had a daughter who got pregnant in high school and placed the baby for adoption. She did an open adoption and her birthson is almost 16. It was hard to wrap my mind around it at first, that she was going to give my first grandchild away. But now I've seen the other side and realize that she did the right thing. Hands down.

My son was in his 20s when he knocked up the bishop's daughter. They got married, it has been tumultous from day 1. That is not a reason to get married if it is the only reason. However, when it comes down to it, it will not be your choice. It will be hers. If she decides to keep it, you have a commitment, that doesn't mean a marriage commitment.

My daughter did an open adoption. The parents were with one of the big national open adoption agencies, I don't remember the name of it off hand. She had looked at many binders sent to her from several different agencies. The good thing is that they have screened those people and they can help with all the legalities, especially if it is an inner-state adoption. I highly suggest going with a good agency. You hold all the cards. Especially if someone is getting a healthy newborn. You can get anything you want in a family and any adoption situation you want. Just stay away from LDS Family Services. I could tell you some horror stories, but you're probably smart enough to know to run the other way. There are many many good people out there who are desperately wanting a family. You have plenty of time to find the right one.

I'll have my rant and then get on with the more pertinent information. My wife and I adopted three special needs children almost 5 years ago. It has been incredibly difficult and at times we've questioned our decision. We will continue and will provide the best chance in life for the three kids we love and who are now ours. I work with kids who have been horribly abused and are up for adoption. Nobody takes them. They languish in foster care or group homes with nobody to care for them. They will have no family, no tradition, no real love quite possibly until the day they die. Most people who adopt want the perfect child. No issues, no history, an infant with no genetic problems. They are almost impossible to find. Now this guy is offering one up over the internet. Sick.

Anyway. Most able-bodied people who try to get their children adopted end up coming under suspicion for neglect. Obviously this doesn't seem to be the issue here. There are state agencies who deal in this type of thing. Here in Maine they are called DHHS. Some questions can be asked but I'd be careful. Like I said, this is highly unusual and may call unwanted attention to you.

There are a range of options, but the ball is in her court. If she is pregnant, and does not want to terminate the pregnancy, you would be wise to demand a paternity test.

An adoption agency may be the way to go. See if others whom you know are willing to adopt. Kudos to you for helping the mother-to-be through this process.

For the sake of the child, although it may seem hard for you, if you are willing to keep the door open for the child to get to know you, you may save the child some heartache and anxiety of not knowing who his/her mom and dad are. You may just also find another little one to love as your own.

Also a bit suspicious that she moved out of town and now suddenly is telling you she's pregnant.

DO NOT get involved with any adoption facilitator so early on. There are too many unscrupulous ones that would pressure the mother to surrender and cut you and her family out of the picture as early as possible. Sad to say there are too many adoption vultures out there. You both need counseling that is unbiased and offers all the options including raising the child, not "counseling" that only pushes adoption. Utah is full of unscupulous adoption facilitators, and I would not trust LDS social services or any Fundamentalist religious agency either. Also do not hook up with anyone trolling for babies on the internet. This choice is too important to both of you and to your child to make in haste and panic. Been there, did that, still regretting it 45 years later. And no, it is not all better now, in some ways it is worse with offers of open adoption that close and high pressure tactics to get a white newborn that can sell for big money. Visit www.CUBirthparents.org to see what the adoption choice has meant for some of us, and for things to think about before hearing what a perfect selfless, painless option it is for expectant parents in your situation.

Not endorsing this, but I believe that the more information one has on a subject the better decision one makes.

http://contraception.about.com/od/unplannedpregnancy/g/RU486.htm

For your homework tonight you need to read the complete website of Planned Parenthood.

Well, since it's been less than one month, it's Conceivable that she only says she's pregnant to keep you around, and not leave her completely. Not the first time I've seen that happen. If you don't want someone to get pregnant with your baby- try a Vicsectomy- or don't fuck a hateful bitch whom you wouldn't want to see very damn day, let alone with a kid of yours. Wait a little while and she if she passes any pregnancy tests before deciding what to do. If she is pregnant- be responsible- but I would not take crappy advice and Marry her if she pregnant. I mean you two live in separate towns.

Real men also don't question her honesty (if she's actually pregnant) or her virtue (are you sure it's yours) when they sleep with a woman. Not to mention they don't pray for someone's ill-health or the death of their future offspring!

Holy cow! These responses sound like fraternity-brother blathering.

They treat and refer to her in a gallant way.

His online moniker ends in 1950! If that means anything, this guy is 63 years old!!!! No, no sympathy or cutting of breaks earned here.

"Real" men might not question her honesty or virtue, but smart men do.

If they don't trust her they should slap on a condom beforehand. And quit whining.

The penis releases semen before ejaculation, making the "pull out" method ineffective.

The prophet Hosea prayed for miscarriages, so it's okay to do that. Nevertheless, God isn't real, so the prayer method is ineffective as well.

Do not have unprotected sex with her again! She might not actually be pregnant (because of her making a mistake or telling a lie)! If this is the case, you might impregnate her thinking "oh, she's already pregnant, what's the harm?" Also, if she is pregnant, the child may not be yours. Have you ever heard of Maury?

My personal opinion is that (if she is actually pregnant with your child) abortion is a better option than giving the child to adoption. Remember, she has a say in what happens as well, so have honest discussions with her.