I believe in reincarnation...and I accept that there are very long eons of "cosmic" (whether you look at this scientifically or from a "spiritual" standpoint) time.
Within this context, the scientific laws are the same for all of us, and all of the time.
Any individual life can be (and very often IS) "unfair" if that life is looked at in isolation.
Whole civilizations can be "unfair" if they are looked at in isolation.
But over [long] time, life IS "fair."
And the more any person works with the real laws of the universe (just like the more any person works with the real scientific/medical laws of physiology: good nutrition; good hydration; optimum exercise; protection from known harms; etc.), the more "fair" life becomes.
So much depends on where (country, city, neighborhood) a person is born, the wealth (or poverty) and intelligence of one's parents, the availability of food, clean water, and clean air, a person's health and genetic makeup, etc., etc.
Some people are born into a "good" life, many are born into an awful life. One size doesn't fit all.
If I ever complain about my being born to TBMs, DW reminds me that I had plenty of good food to eat and a comfortable house to live in. DW had the misfortune of her mother dying when DW was ten years old and then being raised by an alcoholic father who could barely earn enough money to provide an adequate living.
My TBM upbringing was an excellent life compared to what she had to deal with.
To add anything more to the end of that statement would require subjectivity. A subjective perspective is always necessarily biased since everything is perceived relative to the subject.
Removing subjectivity from the equation also removes the concept of fair/unfair, since those terms can only be applied to relative circumstances.
What is fair? 5 years ago my oldest and youngest sons were in a car accident caused by street racers on the freeway. Their car rolled several times and my youngest son's right hand was severed at the wrist, he was 15 at the time. He spent 16 hours in surgery having his hand reattached, then the next three weeks with his fingernails ripped off and the nurses scraping the beds of his fingernails every hour to keep blood flowing through his hand and using leech therapy putting leeches on his hand and letting them suck blood from his hand to keep it flowing as well.
After 26 pints of blood and three weeks of having his hand attached they stopped all the scraping and leeches and his hand died. Then he spent another 6 hours in surgery having his little hand amputated. He was right handed so he has had to learn to do everything left handed and the last 5 years have been a real struggle for him.
In the years since that happened I have never one time heard my son complain about how unfair life is. He has never complained about the struggles he has had learning to do everything left handed. He is an amazing young man who I am very proud to say is my son.
When this happened to him I was out of the church but my ex, who I was still married to at that time, was still TBM so we handled the situation very differently. She cried and wondered why gawd was doing that. She had the bishopric go and give my boy a blessing. She prayed night and day. Nothing she did saved my son's hand, I wonder why??? I on the other hand sat down with my son and told him that he was absolutly NOT being punished or tested or anything else by any effing gawd but that life is life and sometimes shit happens and sometimes really shitty shit happens and all you can do is deal with it and move on.
So whatever fair is, no I don't think life is fair, but then isn't it really all in the way you look at life and what happens to you that determines how you feel about a given situation? I mean, if my son wanted to he could have stopped living and given up and said life suckss and it took my hand so I don't have to do anything with my life now. But he didn't and he can ride a motorcycle, with a prosthetic I made for him, he can snowboard, he just finished school to be a personal trainer and he lifts weights and does anything his best friend with two good hands can do. It is in how you look at life that determines if you feel like life is fair or not. I personally think life is grand and have never been happier in my life.
Sure bad things still happen to me but I deal with them and move on. I wasn't alwasy like this, but since leaving the church I no longer see things that happen in life as either punishment or reward for my actions. I see life as unpredictable and dangerous and I know that negative things are going to happen occasionally but I don't feel like I am being picked on or that life is more unfair for me than anyone else. Life just is.
Thanks for sharing that story. What caused your son to handle the the situation with so much optimism? The only way we can see the world is through our own eyes.
Sorry it took so long to reply, I have been off the board. I honestly don't know why he handled it so well he is just an amazing kid I guess. He has his moments of discouragement, but he never complains like, "why did this happen to me, why am I being punished, why won't anyone hire me I can do anything anybody else can" I just never hear him say these things. He was not raised in the church because I was inactive when he was born and for most of his childhood and then I left the church so he has never been to Primary and has never been brainwashed by the crap taught in church. That is the only thing I can see that makes him able to deal with life better than his older siblings. He never saw the world through magical mystical supernatural glasses and never believed in some supernatural being who punished or rewarded based on nothing more than how that being was feeling at the moment. That is the only thing I can see that makes him like he is.
Sometimes it really is easier just to say, "well, that sucks but sometimes crap happens." than wonder WHY it is happening and what you can do to get GOD to help you. And if it goes wrong wonder what you could have done better....
Sorry about your kid. How is being left handed for him now? Did he pick it up well or is it still really difficult for him?
He has made the transition very well. He was an amazing artist before this happened and he has developed that skill to a point that he is as good now as he was with his right hand. He doesn't even seem to miss it at this point.
When I was younger, especially before I left mormonism, I wasted so much time and energy on feeling sorry for myself or being angry at the unfairness of this life. It is a pointless thing to do which only serves to make you miserable, in the end we all have to play the cards we are dealt anyway.
Your son is lucky to have you, to learn already from the start to strive forward instead of being stuck in the past. What you said to him there probably saved him years of emotional pain and confusion.
To the OP: Nope life isn't fair, but do yourself a favor and don't let that fact stop you from living a good life and being a good person.
The very concept of life being "fair" would require that we are all somehow entitled to something. You can't have fair and unfair unless something is being granted or denied equally. This doesn't mesh with my personal philosophy. so I reject the idea of life being fair or unfair. Life just is. Nobody gets the exact same circumstances as anybody else. That's just how it is.
Its people that are unfair. That I am sure of. Innocent people sit in jails for life, robbed of everything, falsely accused. There is ugliness in this world beyond measure, caused by greedy, power mongering evil people. There are Rhinos with half their face butchered off, left to die a horrendous death from gangrene, so that someone can snort their horns as an aphrodisiac. We could go on forever. There is plenty of this in the world. Unfair.
This question, is life fair, always makes me think of Maya Angelou's, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings."
Everyone has a similar set of hazards, everyone will eventually suffer the same fate. There is no cosmic score keeper. Some people are born rich, beautiful, intelligent. Some are born ugly, poor, dumb or even handicapped. Tell me life is fair for them.
Christ says, "he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" (Mat. 5.45b-46)
When I left Mormonism I left behind feeling sorry for myself and blaming the world or others for anything that happened in my life. It felt wonderful. I get to blame myself for any situation I put myself in. Whether it is good or bad, it is my fault and I love owning it.
I think that our mental state and how we choose to view the world makes all of the difference between being happy with life and being unhappy with life. The events that happens to us don't matter nearly as much as how we choose to approach them.
I am who I want to be. If tragedy were to happen tomorrow, I would be sad, I would mourn, and I would need to heal, but I would still choose to be who I want to be and that has made me happier than anything good that has ever happened in my life.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2013 11:36AM by snb.