I got into a fight with my TBM sister, I screamed at her, & she said to me that I needed to be on lithium. Apparently, I'm not allowed to get angry, & she is. When I get angry, I'm told I'm mentally ill, & when she gets angry, she's justified in her actions.

I'm losing it. I'm never going to have a normal life. I have made so many mistakes that I've painted myself into a corner, because I have never been able to handle being abused. Because I can't handle the abuse, I have fucked my life up beyond repair. I would be better off dead.

No, I'm not suicidal.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/29/2013 11:41PM by Tristan.

Why is it that the person who's being abused is the one who is considered psychologically fucked up? The one who needs therapy & medication, & to be locked up? & the abuser always get off, saying things like, "I never abused anyone. I only punished. They were ruining my life."

That sounds like my family. I get to the point where I boil over and I am psycho. Anyone else gets angry and well I pissed him or her off. Yay

I am so sorry for you, Tristan!

I have been brutally abused, in the past, and I know that when someone else abuses you, you blame yourself! This is part of being a victim.

No, it is not a requirement of a normal life, for a person to take or handle abuse. Abuse is to be avoided, not "handled." It is perfectly OK to run away from abuse.

--I tried reasoning with my abusers. Abusers are not reasonable. They are out of control. Most have some kind of mental or emotional illness.
--I tried standing up to them and they almost killed me, physically, and, years later, I still have the injuries.
--I tried loving my abusive family members--until I understood that ABUSERS DO NOT LOVE YOU. No matter what they say, no matter how they manipulate you emotionally--they do not love you.

What did help, was therapy. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD, and helped me stop being a victim. He is the one who told me that abusers do not love their victims. He taught me dialogs, and escape tactics, and eventually agreed that I should cut my family off completely.

No contact, was what I had to resort to. I did this to protect my children, especially. I ran away. They tried to steal from me financially, but I sued them, and won.

If your sister makes you feel like you would be better off dead--she is toxic to you. Like poison, you need to avoid her.

I have a feeling that your mistakes are not as numerous and awful as your sister makes you feel they are. It is possible to put your "mistakes" behind you, one by one, by doing whatever work is necessary. No one deserves to feel as bad as you feel.

I wish you would see a therapist!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/29/2013 11:58PM by forestpal.

No they are. I'm unemployable & wrecked my credit because of my non-fsther's constant abuse. & it's all my fault because I can't handle being told what a worthless, selfish, lazy fatass bitch I am on a daily basis. Because I can't handle getting beaten by him - roughly every 4-6 months now because he's getting older; it happens more when he's angry.

The problems are all my fault. I caused everything because I'm a shame & an embarrassment to them. I'm ugly & fat & mentally ill & unemployable. Oh & I'm an evil sinner for leaving the cult. Even my non-believing inactive non-father believes this.

wrong place



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2013 12:06AM by Tristan.

Have you gone to see a psychologist (a non-LDS one)? You need to learn how to deal with your anger and how to effectively express it so that you can let others know how you feel. They might ALWAYS take the defensive posture and say you are the one who is wrong BUT you need to go to therapy for YOURSELF. You can't fix them, but you can fix yourself. Once you learn how to be angry and how to express that in a healthy way, you will find you are more at peace with yourself. There's nothing better than telling someone off with a smile and being peaceful inside yourself. Does this make sense?

I can't afford to see anyone even though I have health insurance. We don't have free counseling for people who really need it where I live. Only for people who are breaking the law or are addicts/alcoholics. The worst part is that we don't have counseling for students (of which I am one) at our community colleges.

Also, if I were to see anyone 2 things would happen - 1) I would be beaten & thrown out of the house. 2) I would be permanently labeled mentally ill by everyone, & my life would be wrecked even more.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked about any of this. I know it's my fault because I'm such a fuck up.

Try the county Mental Behavioral Health Service. You can get counseling really cheap and have access to a psychiatrist if you need it.

I already tried looking for that kind of help, & it just doesn't exist. County help is for the certified mentally ill, addicts, & ex-cons.

I also can't get help from domestic violence services because my situation makes me unqualified to receive that kind of help.

My only way out of this house would be to go to a homeless shelter. & frankly it is so horrible - we have a bad homeless problem in this city - I would be better off in this house.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2013 12:42AM by Tristan.

I agree with jojo. I sought help with my local Mental behavioral Health Center and they helped me. They help anyone who walks thru the door. You don't have to be certified mentally ill to receive help. They're there to help anyone one who needs it!

Just a suggestion. Maybe there is a shelter in your area that will take you in and help you get back on your feet so that you can get away from your abusers. You are not worthless and it is not your fault. They are the ones that are an embarrassment because they are treating you horribly. They have no right to do that. You're the victim. You have a lot to deal with and I hope you can find counseling of some kind. Remember that you don't have to be perfect and you don't have to fix everything all at once. Take it a little at a time. Perhaps you can qualify for some kind of assistance if you can find a way to move elsewhere. Hopefully someone here has better knowledge in that area. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Shelters here are for abused wives, abused teenagers, & for the homeless. I don't fit into any of those categories.

Believe me, I have tried to get help. There is none to be had. That's why I'm trying to transfer to a university in another part of the state, because university students have access to regular scheduled therapy.

Tristan, I don`t think you are mentally ill, I don`t think you need threapy. I think you just need validation that you are okay. You have the right to your feelings and your beliefs. You are living in a terrible situation and you feel there is no way out and no where to go. I think you have been badly hurt by those you should be able to depend on for love and support. I understand, I have been there too. I too have been trapped without a job, and had to depend on crazy,dogmatic, family who felt that my temperary situation of unemployment gave them permission to accelerate their abusive mentality. I, used their energy to find my way out, got rid of anything I couldn't carry and left them with the message that the best gift I can give them is to let them continue being hateful and evil, but I was not going to be their target anymore.
It has been over a year since I have heard talked to any of them. I have ignored any of the efforts to contact me.

I told myself every day that the situation is only temperary. That the only thing that doesn`t change, is change itself. There is a big world beyond where you are right now. You deserve to have your place in it. You have the right to your humanity.

For having been a woman in the world of conservative, religious bull shit, I know I have, for some reason, had the strenghth to repeatedly fight off the jackels of the society and start over. I'm a product of the sixties, I didn't burn my bras for nothing. If I can start over in a new part of the country at my age, you can too. I just decided the pain of staying was worse then the pain of leaving. There is nothing wrong with you Tristan, it is the situation/society that is sick.

i'm so sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation. I don't think its your fault, or anyone else's, it just is.

I once had a friend in a similar situation to yours. I've moved away, so don't know how she is.

She lived a life that no matter how others tried, they couldn't come up with a single answer or solution to help her. We tried everything. She always had a list of reasons why none of our ideas or suggestions would work. It seemed like everyday brought a new unsolvable problem. Every problem was bigger and more hopeless than the last. All of her problems seemed to have the suggestion of suicide lurking in them. Try as we might we couldn't come up with anything, nothing. All of our suggestions and efforts had been shut down. We had found her jobs, health care, a safe place to live, a car. There were a million reasons given why those things wouldn't work to fix the problem.

We were becoming exhausted in our efforts to help this person. We got together to talk about it. To see if we were missing something. We were determined to find solutions. We sincerely wanted to help this person. She was our friend and we cared about her. We went over the problems,paired them with known solutions. That's when it hit us. She didn't want her problems solved. She liked the attention, she liked her problems. They kept her busy feeling bad about herself. She liked that. What would she do if her problems were solved and we all went back to our lives? She wanted to keep us on the hook with her impossible problems to solve.

We told her we weren't going to do that anymore. We were worn out from worrying about her.She needed to worry for herself. She needed to make a plan, pull her resources together and work that plan. We would be the first to congratulate her when she crossed a mile stone.

No more midnight calls. No more suicide calls, she had to call a professional or hot line for that. We put responsibility for her back on her.

I may be wrong, but I suspect you may have this same problem. I would love to see you take a step toward solving one problem this week. you're smart, and I think you have what it takes to resolve your issues so you can find happiness that you deserve.

I know that no one else can solve my problems. I know they are either unsolvable, or problems only I can solve. I don't expect anyone to solve them or even be capable of solving them. I vent on here because I have no one to talk to, & I end up venting a lot about Morg bullshit.

No matter what changes I attempt to make my non-father shits all over me. Then blames me for everything wrong in his life. I don't want to believe that he's mentally ill - NPD & some other things, because then it would be an excuse for his lifetime of abuse. I want him to be this evil, horrible fuckhead, because he deserves no sympathy.

Again, I'm very sorry. I'm taking off for awhile again. I need be by myself.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2013 02:29AM by Tristan.

From Marion Strickers book:

"The Double-Bind - "Lying for Yahwah"

If we bear in mind that Yahwah's world was an upside-down world where what was "good" was what was against the Bound individual, and what was "evil" was what was against the Binder-Yahwah, we find that there was no choice but to agree that Yahwah was always right, if you wanted to live. It is the classic double-bind and a form of "Lying for the Lord;" the Bound is forced to blank-out reality in order to survive. One is "good" if one "witnesses" against ones self and "evil" if one tells the truth according to the right-side-up world. When this perverse Pattern of reversal begins in the cradle it becomes "the way the world is" and reality is projected as "perversity."
"

Yelling at other people when you are stressed/angry is a learned response. It can be unlearned, but it takes time. You might want to consider changing things up when you are having a conflict with your sister. Perhaps just roll your eyes at her or say, "whatever" and walk away. Or just walk away. If she says something that tears you down, why respond? Just get away from her.

I like that you are working on a plan for getting away from your toxic home environment. For one thing, you should not be living with someone who beats you. You deserve better than that. And another community would likely have better resources to help you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2013 06:36AM by summer.

I hate Mormonism - it sets women up to be targets for abuse. How can a church be'true' if it 'truely' hates women?

Tristan - the abuse is not your fault; it's a product of your culture, and as so many have said here, you need to get away from that culture to make things better for the most important person in your life - YOU!

No one has the right to physically abuse you - by all rights they should be going to jail on domestic violence charges. Your self esteem can never grow as long as you are beaten down physically, mentally and emotionally. And you'll never see a better tomorrow until you have your self-esteem.

Start a plan to get away. Start it today. Yours is a toxic situation and it will keep on poisoning you as long as you stay in it.

Good luck! ;)