I left mormonism about six months ago. In the church I was always looked down upon and was never asked out on dates. Yet when I left, I've been asked out by many men.

I am currently in my first relationship and am amazed at what a relationship really is. It is nothing like the chruch teaches. I often stay at my boyfriends place because it is close to work and well, who wouldn't want to spend more time with the person they care about?

I was always more openly sextual than anyone in my family. I was often shamed into beleiving my behavior was wrong. When I first started college my older sister gave me some advice.

She said that a person who lives with their boyfrined without marraiage is just an unpaid whore.

I find this thinking in the Christian faith as well. Since I often 'live' with my boyfriend I made the connection that she would consider me a whore. There is sooooo much more to sexuality that just sex. My boyfriend has treated me with more respect that any other person in my life thus far. There is no way he thinks of me as just a means to have sex.

Why do Mormons (and Christians) not get this?
What do you think?

There are whole First-World cultures where the boy and girl live together before finally marrying. They they tend to stay together for their whole lives. Nothing like marrying the person whom you really know and are really sure about. Mormons can be such twits.

Calling somebody a whore is not Christ like behavior. You could point out that to her. I would, if a family member called me that. (Remember that Jesus story with the woman caught in adultery?...)

I am so sorry your sister shamed you with name calling. Members of the LD$ church, as well as members from other churchs, surely feel that they have the Gawd-given right to do this, don't they? And, I am ashamed to admit, I was guilty of this behavior in my younger LD$ cult going days.

I think the reason I acted like this was because I had been taught I was chosen to live in these latter-days as a member of the true church, and felt that it was my duty and RIGHT to save and help others. I learned from the royal 15 that this is the way it was done. Act like an arrogant S^*#!

Not a smart friend-making-policy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/06/2013 10:49AM by presleynfactsrock.

Not nice, but yeah, maybe your TBM sister's got a point.

Bigoted much?

And that point would be...?

That she *gasp!* isn't a virgin!?!

That the priesthood didn't cast a spell on, er I mean, bless her relationship so they could have sex righteously?

Or is there another point I'm not seeing here?

TBM sister, nor you, are able to enjoy and express your sexuality without inhibition.

Why is sex, in the year 2013, still viewed by many as something the woman "gives" and the man "gets".

Seriously?

Ever even consider that the OP might be enjoying her sexual romps with her boyfriend just as much as he does?

It surprises me, often, that the feminist movement doesn't take more umbrage to this antiquated notion, that sex is a commodity, doled out by the giver (woman) to the givee (man).

How about instead we look at sex instead as a healthy beautiful expression of being alive, and of being human.

Gee, what a concept. Outdated victorian mores and opinions are just that: Outdated. Try shifting your brain from 1957 to 2013.

(And another question: If 2 women are having sex with each other, who's giving, and who's receiving? Who's the whore, and who's the john?)

I was just about to post this, not exactly the same wording, and I was planning to curse, and use the word boob.

Clearly, this is someone looking to get a rise out of you. Glad to see only three people fell for it.

"Unpaid Whore" is a label Dr. Laura often uses.

*shudders*

best board name ever btw

As if there aren't marriages where the wife is essentially trading sex for money.

But I suppose that would make the wife a paid whore.


I basically sold my brain to the companies I worked for. And I occasionally got f***ed by the companies. What does that make me?

OP's sister is an ignorant harpy.

You are doing fine. Don't worry about your ignorant sister...she would just be parroting what she was taught. Religion wants to control people and comes up with all kinds of stigmatizing labels.

Life is short, live it on your terms, it isn't easy but you can get to a point where it won't matter what other people think so much. You can't change them but you can live true to yourself.

Oh and here is my other unsolicited advice: if you do decide to get married, make sure you have lived with him for at least three years. It takes that long for the crazy "in love" endorphins to return to normal and make objective decisions.

No one on Earth is here to live up to another persons' expectations . It just amazes me how many people who make it a profession to be a busy body eventually get exposed as a hypocrite . People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks . And as far as intimacy issues , I sure as hell won't buy a new pair of shoes without trying them on first .

It is such a sexist thing to say... I mean, why would she think that the woman is a whore but the man is just fine? If the guy moves in with the woman, is he the whore?

The OP wrote: "She said that a person who lives with their boyfriend without marraiage is just an unpaid whore."

So, according to the sister, what does that make the boyfriend??? An innocent victim??? I HATE the double standard where the woman is a whore, but the man is just "being a man" or whatever.

Couples living together (and having sex before marriage) is the norm. I'm sure all of us know of mormon couples who "saved themselves for marriage," only to realize the reason they got married was because they were horny, not because they had anything in common.

I was a paid whore!! I married a man who had 2 small children and I had 3. That made us a family of 7!! Every few weeks my husband would give me a few hundred dollars to choose, buy, lug, and then prepare FOOD for us all. In 9 months -- He cooked one meal!

Not when I wanted sex...but when HE WANTED SEX...I was expected to give it. He paid the rent and the bills. He wanted me to find a "day job" WHILE I WATCHED OUR (Collectively) 5 children all 10 years old and younger!! (Really?!!).

We are now separated and his children have been returned to their mother. I retain full custody of my children!

Sister: you do what you feel is right and do not let anyone (family or other) judge you!!

Tell her that marriage is legalized slavery and you'd rather be a whore than a slave. See how she responds to that.

Otherwise, just laugh off how archaic and silly she is. I've lived with my boyfriend for 8 years now, we have no plans to marry. If anyone called me an unpaid whore, I would brush it off simply because it's just ridiculous and outdated thinking. Anyone who thinks that way is misogynistic at best.

Classic Mormon Christ-likeness. Don't worry about it, sometimes people are jerks.

As opposed to someone who gets married, "because it provides security". I would thus call married people "security whores" by that same logic.

Really, to me a whore is someone who sleeps with a man for reasons other than passion. That could and would include, but not limited to those who marry for money instead of love, those who marry a man based on a superstitious belief that he will magically get them into heaven, or those who have sex for money or other financial gain. Those who have sex because they are in an adult emotional relationship with someone they love and respect, are not whores.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/06/2013 03:46PM by forbiddencokedrinker.

Let me put it this way.

Sometimes people are wrong about certain things. The more idealistic, the more likely they will be wrong.

Your sister is wrong. That's all there is to it. Not only is she wrong, but she's also self righteous on top of it all. I'm guessing she's not a very pleasant person to be around.

I had to laugh when I read what you said about how church people look upon someone who lives with their boyfriend.

A brief synopsis: My mother was the first one in our family who wanted to join TSCC. Sis and I followed her in. Dad really objected and asked Mom to stop attending church. Mom complied and thus, as a convert, really doesn't know all that much LDS doctrine or culture behaviors to this very day. Sis is inactive and I resigned but we lived dutiful Mormon lives when active. And paid a bunch of money that Mom never paid because the only money she had was Dad's and he wouldn't let her pay tithing.

Today, Sis and I are looked down upon for being apostate. We two always lived the church rules and studied to be good Mormons. I still am pretty much what you would call "worthy" but I resigned and no longer believe any of it. I'm just a prude by nature.

Here is what's funny. Mom ALWAYS kept drinking coffee. Mom only went to the temple to get sealed to Dad when he died because ward bishop pressured her. I remember her asking, "Why would I want to do that?" Same thing with doing temple work. She hated it but did it under pressure. She never saw a need. Mom always taught us that it was better to live with a guy before marriage because it was the only way to know if you were compatible. Sis and I never did this because we wanted to be worthy. Mom wasn't a drinker but she wouldn't turn down sherry or wine if it was offered her at someone's home. It would be impolite. Sis and I never touch alcohol to this day.

Fast forward. Mom is adored by her visiting teacher. The ward has mostly forgotten her because of her age but she still gets yearly greeting (cards) from RS and Priesthood leaders and is praised as the one who is "enduring to the end". Sis and I are ignored and avoided by all people Mormon. Mom is considered totally worthy member and Sis and I are dreaded apostates.

If I were God I'd sure be scratching my head. In Mormonism it's all about letter of the law and appearance. Actual substance and obedience actually means nothing.

Mom was right. Live with your boyfriend before marriage. It's the sensible thing to do.

You sound happy in your relationship and you sound as if you respect and treat each other well. You are having an experience she can't really relate to.

I have known women (and men) who give too much too soon and it does not fair well in the long run if they are looking for a permanent or lasting relationship. Especially if they close off their options by joining their assets or moving in with someone they don't know very well. Then if things don't work out they have no home to go to. Or women who move in, cook and clean, do their laundry and then feel used.

Maneuvering through relationships can be tricky. If you find someone to love and they love you back, you two are fortunate and there is no game, just two people enjoying each other.

If she's being judgemental about you living with your boyfriend tell it's none of her business. If she's asking why he would want to buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free that's something that you might want to think about.

anybody Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If she's asking why he would want to buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free that's something that you might want to think about.

And something he might want to think about as well. Why buy the bull when you can get the beef for free?

Send her this :)
http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=c4-feed-u&v=fDWWwLGqdU4

Thanks everyone for your comments. I am finally doing what I want. I'm living life and enjoying it. I'm happier than I've been in a long time.