And I feel terribly guilty about it.

I don't know why, I'm old enough, I didn't even get smashed or anything, I just had a sip of a friends beer (which I find disgusting) and half of some sweet peach drink. I didn't even feel anything from it.

I'm just terrified my parents will find out and ostracize me.

Im 32 and going through a very similar thing. We've been programmed from a young age to believe that "sinning" is bad and that if you "sin" there is something wrong with you fundamentaly. Drinking alcohol is one of the many sins in mormonism that is very clearly defined. We know drinking is super bad and get asked about it all the time and people get up and talk about how their lives are so amazing now because they never drank a drop.

thats stupid. Catholics drink WINE for SACRAMENT. Enjoy your life and have a drink every once in a while. It is social and fun and normal and everything the church tries to get you to not be.

I am the daughter of two alcoholics (both of them had "end stage alcoholism" listed as--primary for one...secondary for the other--cause of death on their Death Certificates). I am well aware of the potential genetic heritage involved, and I have always been pretty cautious about alcohol when it comes to me personally.

That being said, when I became a Jew I quickly realized that a certain amount of alcohol was pretty much obligatory. Kosher wine on Shabbat is customary...and four (some rabbinical opinions say five) "cups" (each of a specified minimum quantity) of kosher wine during the Passover seder (dinner) is fairly close to mandatory...and actually getting out-and-out drunk on the joyous Spring holiday of Purim is supposed to be obligatory.

I know of some exMormons who later became Jews, and in the past I have wondered how they handled the huge paradigm change in transitioning from "being a good Mormon" to "being a good Jew," :-)

Are you 21? If not, it's reasonable to feel a little guilty that you are breaking the law.

If you didn't like it, you don't have to cultivate a taste for the drink.

I am in my late 40's and I don't drink at all because I don't like the taste of liquor. (I understand that most do acquire a taste for it if they drink enough but I never did.) I'm glad I don't like it. Not drinking is a lot cheaper than drinking. And don't even get me going on smoking. I don't know how average working people afford that habit.

My first drink wasn't so bad, but it was about a year after my first coffee, and six months after my wife had already become accustomed to me drinking coffee.

My first coffee, however, was terribly guilt inducing. On top of trying to push off the 20+ years of indoctrination that said I'd go to hell for it, I was also super embarrassed that I didn't know jack about coffee or how one orders coffee.

I still don't drink alcohol a lot, but I'm experienced enough to know I like margaritas and newcastle brown ale. Ordering a drink is probably more intimidating than ordering a coffee was (since I don't *really* know what I like or even what is available), but at least I know everyone in the state liquor store doesn't give a crap that I'm doing it (whereas at starbucks at the university a lot of people could be there for, say, hot chocolate, and judge me for the coffee).

They call that unearned guilt. You didn't earn it, but you have it anyway. Someone planted that guilt in you years ago. Hummmm, let me guess who that was.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/07/2013 07:24PM by madalice.

The anti-alcohol conditioning runs deep. I didn't drink for more than a year after I left TSCC - long after I gave up on all the other learned guilt. To me, it wasn't so much that I felt like I was sinning as that I felt like I was weak. I had been conditioned to think that drinking alcohol was something weak people did when they couldn't cope with their emotions. It was something weak people did when they wanted to step outside of their own miserable lives.

Of course, that's bullshit. I had spent a year hanging out with friends who were drinking socially, as the perpetual designated driver. I had seen that my ideas about drinking were totally off base - that there was a wonderful grey area between sobriety and puking-in-the-bushes-embarrass-yourself-pass-out-drunk where you just feel relaxed and happy. But it still took until the second or third time I experienced this golden zone myself before I realized that all my previous conceptions about alcohol being nothing more than an escape from misery were incorrect.

Take it slow, take it easy on yourself, and don't expect to change your worldview overnight. Just because you left TSCC doesn't mean you HAVE to drink. But, in your own time, test it out a bit to see if it's something you enjoy - safely, of course.

Lol. Have a whole drink and get a buzz. Your guilt will leave as a slight grin will unsue. I was guilty once when I won a homebrew competition and my name was published in the local paper. Haha.

Just experiment until you discover what you like. I love Sam Adams in the beer department and Jameson whiskey in the liquor department. If I'm gonna get drunk it's patron shots.

Take it slow and don't feel pressure. Drink if you want and don't if you do not. There is no guilt necessary. You're your own person now! Nobody gets to say what you do.

Side note: getting drunk is exactly as fun as it is portrayed. Just have a designated driver and be responsible.

Jamison's is good isn't it? I like the Irish marguerita - Jamison's instead of tequila - yum.

I've had light and dark beer, red and white wine, champagne, vodka, gin, rum, saki, sangria, Mike's Hard Lemonade, and hard cider. I tolerated the last two and sort of liked them, but not enough to continue learning to like. You don't have to learn how to like drinking any more than you need to feel guilty for it.

And completely off-topic, is your screen name a reference to the composer?

Yes it is :) I'm glad someone recognized it. He is my favorite composer.

Guilt is one of the most powerful tools the church has in it's tool belt. They have become extremely good at it. Unfortunately, even after leaving the church, the guilt can hang around for a long time.

For the longest time, after we left the church officially, we held off drinking any alcohol. Finally, I just wanted to try and see what the fuss was all about... Would a single sip turn me into a raving lunatic? Would I end up robbing a bank? Would I instantly become an alcoholic? What would happen?!?

We bought a nice bottle of wine, had a steak dinner and we enjoyed it. I must admit that I did feel guilty about it at first... I'm 40 years old and felt guilty for drinking a single glass of wine... I mean really? when that hit me I was over it.

In the end I never really developed a taste for it. Maybe if I had grown up with it? I wouldn't mind it every now and then, but I'd rather spend my money on tea, which I enjoy so much more. We'll probably get a bottle of champagne for New Years, but that's about it.

But I no longer feel guilty about what I decided to eat or drink anymore. I used to worry so much that I was being constantly watched and judged, not by God, but by everyone around me, that they would just somehow "know" that I'd done something "wrong"... No longer. Let it go, it's not worth wasting your energy on worrying about what other people think.

I resigned 6 years ago but have been inactive for almost 35 years. This year is the first year I've allowed myself to drink moderately in social situations due to residual guilt, I suppose.

But by moderately, I mean this year alone I've probably had a total of 4 glasses of wine and 3 beers -- and usually at birthday or dinner parties.

One reason I don't drink is out of respect for my husband who is a recovering alcoholic. He has been clean and sober for over 13 years. Alcoholism has ravaged or taken the lives of some of his closest family members.

I do have booze in the house for cooking such as dry sherry and brandy for holiday cookies. My husband is neither bothered nor tempted by the bottles in the house.

No one says you have to drink. Feeling guilty is normal in your situation as an ex mormon. But ultimately, if you don't enjoy it, have a family history of alcoholism, or rather not start, then don't feel pressured to imbibe -- unless you truly want to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2013 04:21PM by Senoritalamanita.

No history of alcoholism in my family, both sides have been Mormon since waaaaay back so no drinking at all.

I didn't feel like I "had" to drink, I just wanted to see What it was like, that's all.

Thanks for your advice, the people on this board are really the only people I can talk to about anything anymore. :) I still feel guilty and a bit paranoid About drinking XD but I think that will pass.

senoritalamanita: I would love to take you out to paint the town red and drink you stinky. Cut loose. footloose, drink up your favorite booze eeeewwwwww eeeee marie, shake a shake a for me...your loose footloose, kick of your sunday shoes.

too long what a waste of life, enjoy live it up. not a damn thing wrong. just call a cab.

Um...ah...ohhh just take a bigger swig. Try some fireball whiskey or but light. If you like sweet stuff, do parot bay cocanut rum with pepsi and crushed ice. I know you will love it. Me, I like cap morgan, not moroni, and coke. Wonderful buzzzzzzz wwwweeeeeeeeee

You might need to take a bong rip first to loosin up, you seem real tense.

I guess everyone's different. I never had a drop of alcohol in 40 years. Going down to the casino and ordering a drink was the first big thing I did after renouncing TSCC. No guilt.

I wonder how guilty I'll feel the first time I cheat on my wife. Hmmm......

So you feel guilty for drinking.

You will have exmos pressure you to drink, so don't feel guilty if you don't want to.

Stuff tastes bad, and is expensive.

Not everything about the morg was bad.

I listen to guys at work brag about getting drunk, then sick and hung over, and wonder why anyone would enjoy that. Why not drink paint or turpentine or whatever?

Alcohol is toxic.

It don't count if you don't get drunk. Go to the strip club next time. Way more fun!

I think one thing that helped me not feel guilty about drinking was learning that there are actually some legitimate benefits to moderate alcohol consumption. By "moderate" I mean not more than a drink a day for women or two for men. A little bit of alcohol can help you unwind at the end of the day. Beer and wine, especially red wine, have all kinds of antioxidants and minerals. Beer contains silicon, which is good for bone health.

Personally, I've observed that a well-paired beer or wine with a nice meal can make both the food and drink taste better. Learning to enjoy slightly bitter tastes has also helped me crave sweet and fatty things less. This is a major shift from the typical Mormon diet. I'd contend that having a 12-oz beer with dinner every night is probably a much healthier habit than having a 12-oz soda, or even diet soda.

It also helped me to realize that I can have a drink or two, stay in control, and not become a raging drunken beast.

The key is moderation, and doing it for the right reasons. Don't drink when you're angry or to escape from anything. Do it because it's relaxing and interesting, and actually may not be as bad for you as you've been programmed to believe.

I had my first drink this past summer. We have some friends that are extremely knowledgeable about alcohol. It has been a lot of fun learning from them. I haven't felt guilt. But maybe that is because I waited long enough after leaving. I've been officially out for 3 years.

Try social drinking. A couple of drinks with friends. If it brings you closer as friends and you have fun, it's a good thing.

Living is about the now, not the afterlife. It's all a series of nows.

Yeah, beer tastes disgusting when you're new to alcohol. After a year of drinking I'm only just starting to be able to tolerate it, but even now I don't like it yet.

I guess feeling guilty is normal if you've had a mormon upbringing. Once you're around normal people you'll stop seeing it as a bad thing, and you'll end up not feeling guilty about it after a while.

Until your taste adapts, try the sweetened stuff that the underage kids drink. After a while, a year or so, your palate will adjust, and you will want something a little more bitter and mature. Also avoid cheap watered down beers. Try things like Sam Adams, or Corona. A lot of cheap beers have a metallic taste, because they are brewed cheepy.