Not only that, but I made a huge breakthrough regarding my family.

I had been worried about my nephews being brainwashed by the cult, but I realize now that they are too smart & aware for that to happen. I mean they are 10 1/2 & almost 8, & they hate church, hate Primary, & the younger one doesn't believe that God is real (his own words). He doesn't even want to get baptized. I really have nothing to worry about regarding those kids & the cult, & I'm relieved for that.

As for some other things, I was horribly depressed because I didn't want to be a horrible person. I didn't want to believe that I hated my mom. Well, the fact is that I do. I really, really hate her, a lot in fact, & her conniving, manipulative, passive-aggressive, questing for martyrdom, abusive behavior. I was angry that the cult rips her off for thousands of dollars each year. Now I realize that she & the cult deserve each other, & that she deserves to be ripped off by the cult because of the way she is as a person.

If that makes me a horrible person, then so be it. But I have had a huge burden & depression lifted from my shoulders because I finally admitted that.

Accepting yourself for who you are is an important step so well done!

You don't have to love everyone in your family unconditionally so there is nothing wrong with hating your mother if she deserves it.

Thank you. :)

Naw, not at all. Sometimes you are forced into situations (like offspring of a hateful person). You try to make good, you try to understand, but in the end it is what it is. Now you are facing that. What I really don't know is the extent to which something has to be said face to face. One could just disengage. Or one could engage and get it off one's chest. Or one could try to make it good, but that sounds like a waste of time. But I wouldn't feel badly about how you feel.

I'm basically disengaging, emotionally at least. I still have to live here, so I'm only going to talk to my mom, dad & sister when I absolutely need to. Or if they talk to me first. I'm not going to go into shared spaces (kitchen, front room, etc) when they're there unless I absolutely have to. As for my brother, the father of the 2 boys, I'm going to avoid him & his wife at all costs.

Even just today, I got in trouble for nothing at all, & my dad was yelling at me. I came very close to crying, which is what I usually do, but I realized that I had done absolutely nothing wrong, & that he was the one acting like the immature & insecure narcissistic brat that he is. I realized that his getting upset at me didn't have to hurt me. I realized that he's hurt me so much, that he can't hurt me any more than he has.

(edited for clarity)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2013 07:47PM by Tristan.

After trying to "fix" things for years (as the oldest I was pushed into that role) at some point it is best to just make other ties. When you realize the relationship is "come here so I can hurt you again" it is time to put your emotional eggs in other baskets.

I'm a lttle confused... how old are you? Aren't you old enough to be on your own?

Yes, I'm an adult. But I've had some serious set backs & health problems, & that's why I have to live here. It also doesn't help that I have severely overbearing abusive parents that treat me like I'm 12 years old. It also doesn't help that I have absolutely no friends or family I can stay with. I know I'm judged here for being as old as I am & living with my senior citizen parents, & for being a loser that can't hold down a job.

(I literally have only 1 friend, but they live thousands of miles away in Europe.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2013 01:27AM by Tristan.

Ok. No one is judging you on your age. They are thinking, how can we legally help this person. There is low income, disabled housing.
Now, i was you to stop and take a deep cleasing breath.And slowly blow it out. I want you to do this 5 times. During this, i want you to think, i am a good person. I am a great person and people like me. Whenever you get on the board i want you to do that. Before you respond to anything, i want you to do that and read the resonse again.
The first thing when you are recovering from abuse is changing your mindset about yourself. And eat pie. If you have a pie, eat it.:-)
This a RECOVERY WEBSITE.

Good for you!! That is a HUGE step. It took me over a year of therapy to recognize and be able to admit similar feelings. Good luck with the rest of your journey.

One thing that I have come to realize as a teacher is that all different kinds of people have kids -- good people, bad people, emotionally ugly and abusive people. There are no qualifications to have kids, no competencies required, no tests.

It sounds like you didn't do well in the parent lottery. It happens, and I'm sorry for that. I think it's an important realization that you have come to.

Keep in mind that sometimes relationships can change as you get older. Keep a mental door open to that possibility. Also keep working on your plan to leave as soon as you possibly can.

I'm glad the kiddies aren't buying the brainwashing.

I agree with green potato - it is not mandatory to love everyboby in your family. There is no reason to actually start fights with her. Just be polite and hate her. It's OK.

It's a huge weight off when you figure out that you can't change people. They are going to be exactly who and what they are and there's nothing to be done about it.

The only thing you have control over is your reaction to their utter nonsense and staying away from them. Their behavior is on them and it doesn't make you a bad person. You can still be a good person and hate their behavior.

You are now free!

I'm so happy for you Tristan! What a breakthrough. It's okay to feel the way you do about the abusive people in your family. It sounds like you're doing your best to survive in the situation that you are in. If you have to be there for now, that'll make things so much easier. Having health issues complicates things so it's understandable why you're living there. Keep up the good work.