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Posted by: Jewles ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 05:37PM

sad to say, I haven't been to a non mormon wedding. what are the outside of UT traditions? the reception is just a big dinner with dancing, right? what about the engagement party, rehearsal dinner?

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Posted by: Carol Y. ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 05:45PM


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Posted by: cynthus ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 06:09PM

Go see "My Fat Greek Wedding" I know some women who love that show and say it is exactly like the kind of wedding they had or wanted. For me-- I had a JP marriage. Anything else and I would have hated it.

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Posted by: midwesternmom ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 06:22PM

We got married in Vegas, had a nice dinner after. Our daughter is getting married next year, she's doing an outdoor wedding with a dinner after.

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Posted by: utahmonomore ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 06:24PM

I've been to both regular weddings, and Mormon weddings. Here's a few differences I noticed. I will list the standard Mormon wedding 'reception' first...
Mormon wedding reception...
1. two butter mints, a quarter sized piece of cake, a half a cup of red punch.
2. No dancing (or maybe I missed that).
3. NO band. No DJ.
4. Reception usually held at ward house.
5. Couples getting married, and usually people you have only met maybe once or twice that you hardly even know send you an 'open house' invite. Not out of wanting to celebrate their day by getting to know you, but in hopes of getting really cool gifts.
6. AND...The tackiest thing I ever saw at a Mormon reception...my ex sister in law had a few teenage girls at the "gifts" tables and these teenage girls were taking the gifts, opening them (I thought the bride and groom were supposed to do that together?) and then handed me a preprinted "thank you note". They were handing everyone these preprinted thank you notes! It was a mass produced note from a home computer, and not personalized in any way shape or form. That was over the top for me.
7. For anyone that was a non Mo, they would be snubbed the entire year by Mormon neighbors, BUT if a Mormon families daughter or son was getting married, they would send you an invite just to see what kind of gift you would bring. TACKY. Gauranteed that was/is the only time you would ever get to see the inside of that so called neighbors house.
BTW, in the event of a Baby Shower, rules #5, 6, and 7 totally apply in this case. And god help you if you do not attend a Mormon baby shower, cause they will call you and DEMAND to know WHY you didn't show up. Not that its any of their business. They just wanted gifts. The last "baby shower" I got pushed into going, a bought a baby bottle at the dollar store, and gave her a bunch of diaper coupons. They did not seem to appreciate it. Haha...I figured if they were so tacky as to hardly even speak to me the prior year, then I would be just as tacky back. I did not appreciate being railroaded into going to a baby shower cause I cant handle the screaming, drama, and being forced to be around the little shits.
Now onto a real wedding outside Mormonism wedding
1. Usually has a bar/drinks. Not always an "open" bar, meaning that they do have alcohol, but guest will have to pay for the drinks they consume...no problem.
2. Live band/and or DJ.
3. Realistic sized slices of cake.
4. The couple that just got hitched appreciate everyone coming and do not place such emphasis on gifts. The couple truly wants you their to celebrate their special day with them.
5. Everyone has a good time with good friends.
6, Dinner is usually provided, and no butter mints or red punch is found anywhere which makes it kind nice so that you don't have to keep going back for more cake in order to satisfy your hunger.
7. The couple doesn't seem to mind tacky 'slogans' put on their car, and the same goes with beer cans attached to the bumper.
8. A very relaxing atmosphere.
9. Gifts are opened sometimes at the reception, sometimes at the new couples home a few days later, and the new bride always hand writes the thank yous. NEVER a preprinted thank you o a home computer.
10. Everyone who is invited to the reception was also invited to the wedding ceremony as well.
I think that about sums it all up.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2013 06:31PM by utahmonomore.

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Posted by: PtLoma ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 06:57PM

1. The rehearsal dinner in its simplest form is for the wedding party (bride/groom/parents/attendants/close relatives). Remember that the attendants actually play a role in the ceremony, they don't just pose for post-ceremony photos outside the temple (I never got the point of LDS attendants, since many/most of them don't attend the sealing, unless they are married or RM and endowed---even so, they play no part in the sealing).

2. Rehearsal dinners traditionally are the financial responsibility of the groom's family, though in modern times many families share the costs equally. They may be expanded to include out of town guests (who basically have to arrive Friday at latest and would not otherwise have a place to go on Friday) and---depending on finances---extended family, even if local.

3. THIS IS A MAJOR POINT THAT TBMs/THOSE RAISED IN CORRIDOR OFTEN DO NOT GET: remember, all other religions allow nonmembers to attend wedding ceremonies. Mormonism is the only religion that bars nonmembers and non-active members from wedding ceremonies. An Orthodox Jewish wedding might require that the women sit separately from the men, but they would allow nonmembers modestly attired to attend. The corollary is that IT IS CONSIDERED EXTREMELY RUDE TO ATTEND THE RECEPTION BUT NOT THE CEREMONY. The message it sends is that you were more interested in the party than in any religious commitments the couple is making. THis is not an easy concept for TBMs and ExMo's (without long experience in the NoMo World) to grasp, since even TBMs with TRs who are not immediate family or closest friends often are not invited to sealings, due to space limitations, and in Utah it's routine protocol to attend only the reception (even if one has a TR). In the Gentile World, everyone is allowed to attend the ceremony, so not doing so, Mormon style, is very bad form.

You'll notice on most Gentile invitations that the start time for the ceremony is given, with "reception to follow at [venue]"---a start time for the reception is rarely given unless the reception does not immediately follow----since they assume everyone is going to the ceremony, there is no need to estimate a start time for reception. Whether it's a simple 30 minute ceremony or a 90 minute full mass with communion, the reception is simply "to follow".

If you plan to attend a Gentile wedding reception, be sure you attend the ceremony as well. There are a few exceptions, like someone who is out of town racing to get back who misses the ceremony, or someone in police/fire/medical who has to work, but barring extenuating circumstances, you are expected at the ceremony.

4. As utahnomore pointed out, bars may be hosted (everything is free) or "no host" (you pay any tab). Depends on finances and attitudes. I've been to wedding where one side of the family doesn't drink (Baptists, Dutch Reform, etc) who don't want to foster drinking by making it free, but who also don't want to bar those who wish to drink from doing so.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2013 06:59PM by PtLoma.

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Posted by: schmendrick ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 07:16PM

by "Gentile" you mean non-Jewish, right?

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Posted by: utahmonomore ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 08:35PM

schmendrick Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> by "Gentile" you mean non-Jewish, right?


A gentile is anyone who is NOT Mormon.

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Posted by: PtLoma ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 09:32PM

I meant "non-Mormon"

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Posted by: schmendrick ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 02:31AM

I know, I was just being a smartass. I just think the Mormon hijacking of the term is ridiculous and a little offensive.

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Posted by: jujubee ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 07:23PM

I think that's because mormons marry young and the gifts are the only way the get by.

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Posted by: jujubee ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 07:20PM

are engagement party's common?

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Posted by: ellenl ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 09:43PM

They are optional, and not all that common.

Traditionally, the parents of the bride gave this type of party for close family and friends. It was a way to announce the engagement and an opportunity to meet some of the groom's family.

Anyone invited to an engagement party would be invited to the wedding.

Engagement parties are not gift-giving occasions, by the way.

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Posted by: caedmon ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 07:38PM

My pet peeve is when they tack up the wedding announcement on a work bulletin board. What am I expected to do? Am I invited or not? Expected to give a gift or donate to a group gift?

I've decided that unless I receive a personal invitation I will neither attend or give a gift. Even then I won't do either unless I actually know the bride or groom.

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Posted by: utahmonomore ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 08:55PM

caedmon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My pet peeve is when they tack up the wedding
> announcement on a work bulletin board. What am I
> expected to do? Am I invited or not? Expected to
> give a gift or donate to a group gift?
>
> I've decided that unless I receive a personal
> invitation I will neither attend or give a gift.
> Even then I won't do either unless I actually know
> the bride or groom.


Yep, wait until they send you a baby shower "invitation". They call and call, and hound you until you finally relent and say OKAY!!! I will go. They only want gifts and "praise and glory" simply because they are preggo. Well, I always had a problem with that...I didn't see why I had to praise some everyday person simply cause they were having a kid. Then IF you get smart and catch onto them and do not go, they will interrogate you as to WHY you did NOT show up. Me personally, I never showed for those cause I rarely knew the person. Hell, I even got sent baby shower invites from persons I didn't even know... baby showers in my opinion were/are boring,and I did not have kids(they told me time and time again that I did not have kids cause I wasn't "worthy" and that God was punishing me). So, I was like WTF? I also did NOT have the patience, nor cold I handle all the screaming, crying, little kids carrying on, etc,. It was waaaay too much drama for me. All I could think was "How awful you are preggo and now you have wasted your life...say goodbye to any and ALL of your "ME" time cause you will never get it back. They wanted to force me to go to some dumb baby shower, yet I was worthless, so it was like pouring salt in my wounds...Kinda like the kid who gets a pony on her 6th birthday while taunting nah nahs at everyone else.
When they would call and interrogate me for the no show, just to get under their skin and get a little "revenge" for their lack of empathy towards me my response was "Oh, I had to go take care of my horse,(I did have one at the time) and I also added that I also had to clean stalls and that is more important." Pissed em off but as soon as I hung up the phone I would laugh my arse off. I did it intentionally. Hell, I was not "worthy" anyway so what did it matter? hahahah.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2013 08:59PM by utahmonomore.

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Posted by: caedmon ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 09:20PM

The new trend in baby showers seems to be the "open house" shower. IOW, bring a gift, have a cup of punch, and leave. I guess I should be glad they didn't play silly games but I left thinking "why did I bother?" I could have just dropped off the gift to the expectant mother's parents next door and saved the time and gas. I did get a nice thank-you note (a first!).

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Posted by: janebond462 ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 09:10PM

I'm a nevermo and have had two weddings. We mailed invitations to those we wanted to attend. I mailed announcements after-the-fact to a few friends who lived too far away to attend. I sincerely wanted to let them know; it wasn't a ploy for a gift.
I think it is supremely tacky to put up a wedding announcement/invitation on a bulletin board.

1st wedding -
*No engagement party - They are not commmon in my part of PA

*Rehearsal dinner was attended by all of the groom's family (who were Roman Catholic) who'd made the trip from MS (it would be rude to only have had parents & the wedding party & exclude the siblings and grandparents!)

*traditional wedding in my church (Baptist). We'd invited b/w 80-100 people - everyone welcome at our weddings!

*Reception was at the Ukrainian Orthodox church hall down the block. We had a full dinner, a DJ, open bar and a good time was had by all.

The wedding & reception were, unfortunately, the high points of that marriage. ;-)

2nd wedding -

*Held in my in-laws gorgeous backyard under a pergola covered with roses. We were paying for this ourselves so we only had maybe 40 of our closest friends & relatives.

*Me(Baptist) and DH (lapsed Presbyterian) were married by the HR manager at my job who was also an Old Order Catholic priest (diff. from RC's)

*The reception was a cookout and DH's cousins' band played. Lots of wine & beer and a good time was had by all - despite it being 95 degrees with about 300% humidity. :-)

In both cases, everyone who came to the wedding, also came to the reception. Though, there are instances when people are only able to make the reception and that's perfectly fine.


Some people go all out for bachelor/bachelorette parties - like a long weekend at a resort location or a spa(for the bridal party). It can get out of hand and really expensive. The Dear Prudence column on Slate.com has had some letters about spectacularly deluded brides who expected the sun/moon and stars from their bridesmaids!

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Posted by: MJ ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 09:45PM

First off, there are non-Mormon marriages in Utah.

Weddings can be very different depending on traditions, cultures, the desires of the people getting married, etc.. One of my brothers had a very large wedding with the cake, The money dance, money tree, the first dance, dancing, dinner, toast, throwing of the bouquet, the garter thing, cutting the cake, the bird seed (substituted for rice for environmental reasons). The other brother had a very small wedding. Immediate family only, had a very nice dinner in a banquette room at a very nice restaurant, none of the traditions of the other wedding.

If there is an engagement party, it is likely that you missed that if you are being invited to the wedding.

Rehearsal dinners of for the people in the wedding after they rehearse the wedding. Rehearsal dinners usually include: the people getting married, the parents, the bride's maids and the groom's men. If you are not in the wedding, it is likely you are not invited to the reherseal dinner.

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Posted by: surrounded ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 03:02PM

regarding rehearsal dinners:
Often the bride's family and the groom's family have not had a chance to really get to know one another. Some members of the families may not have met at all before the wedding. The rehearsal dinner is an opportunity for the families to meet and get to know one another a little better before the big event the following day.
When my husband and I married, I had met his parents and all of his brothers and sisters, and he had met my parents and all of my brothers and sisters. (We both come from large families) but none of our siblings had met the siblings of the other. And our respective parents had only met on one other occasion.

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Posted by: SeaNeverMo ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 11:17PM

A few additional things:

Often there will be a grooms side and a brides side at the ceremony. Sit on the side that is your connection to the couple. Do NOT sit in the first row or two -- that is for the family. If it's a big wedding, there will be ushers (usually the groomsmen or friends of the groom) that will direct you to your seating. If not, there should be signage.

Each culture/religion has its own quirks. A Latino reception usually includes a money dance where the bride and groom where bags and guests fill it with cash. Abjewish reception involves guests raising the bride and groom up on chairs and dancing around the room.

At the reception, when guests clank their knife on the glass to make noise, it means the couple should kiss.

Do not take a piece of uncut wedding cake. The couple cuts it together and often smashes it in each other's mouths.

Rehearsal dinners also include out of town guests. They can be small and informal, or big and formal. It just depends om what the couple and family want.

The first dance is the couple, and then the brides dad cuts in to dance with her. After that, anyone can ask to dance with the bride.

Don't ask the bride when she is getting pregnant. I'm stunned when I read on here that that happens at Mormon weddings.

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Posted by: Particles of Faith ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 04:52PM

In these instances the bride should respond, "I already am." That should shut down that line of inquiry.

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Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: December 07, 2013 11:29PM

Sometimes the grooms gets roped into helping with the thank you notes. Bride was teaching summer school, so I had to write half of the notes. I didn't complain. Nore than half of the gifts were from non-Mormons and were really nice gifts, not that the expectation of a gift was the reason for anyone's invitation to the wedding.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/08/2013 12:10PM by scmd.

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Posted by: Senoritalamanita ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 03:09AM

Groom removes garter belt from the bride's upper thigh sometimes during reception. Groom flings it toward the eager groomsmen, about the same way the Bride throws her wedding bouquet to bridesmaids. A groomsman then puts the garter on his arm as a good luck charm.

Destination wedding -- i.e. on a beach in Hawaii. Couple is wed by a "Kahu" -- a Hawaiian holy man. The Hawaiian Wedding Song may be part of the ceremony. Bride and groom wear leis. Couple marries alone, or invites family members to gather on the beach to watch.

Casual couples in some very liberal churches incorporate their pets into the ceremony. When DH and I walked down the aisle, the couple who escorted me had their dog in their arms wearing a doggie tuxedo and a lei around his neck.

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Posted by: enoughenoch19 ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 04:13AM

I am in the wedding industry. I attend 50+ weddings per year at least. Each wedding is different, but some things they all have in common.
I am not in Utah either, I want to say that. In my experience, there have been about 7 weddings where there was NO alcohol at all out of the past 14 years of my being in this industry. One of these are due to the fact that the groom was a recovering alcoholic and did not want to be placed in a position where it might be difficult to turn it down. Most weddings have some booze involved in the reception/dinner etc. after the ceremony. Some have mimosas BEFORE the ceremony for daytime weddings. For those of you who are Mo influenced, a mimosa is champagne with orange juice mixed in, about half and half. It is a great brunch drink. I'm not saying that people are falling down drunk (although sometimes they are), but people drink at weddings usually.
Depending on if the wedding is inside or outside, there are notable differences. Inside weddings are most often in some kind of religious building, a church or a synagogue, a few in a Buddhist Temple. The inside of a religious building weddings tend to be more formal overall than the outside weddings. This is speaking generally. We have had some quite formal outside weddings.
Most inside weddings have buffet dinners or full service sit-down dinners and most inside weddings are in the evening or in the morning. Outside weddings are 90% sometime in the afternoon.
Nearly all weddings we do have a religious officiate; a priest, rabbi, minister, pastor, etc. I would guess that 80% have a religious officiate. The other 20% have civil servants or friends perform the ceremony, two had the governor as the officiate. I am in Colorado where anyone can perform a ceremony as long as the couple as witnesses. Having said that though, most people have more of an official person doing the ceremony.
For the religious weddings (which can be inside or outside), the couple gets to have a lot in input most of the time. There are certain portions that must be said/included in the ceremony (depending on the religion) but the couples choose much of what goes on. For example, the couples choose the scriptures that are read (and usually who reads them) if scriptures are being said at all. For Catholic weddings, the priest has certain prayers and rituals associated with the ceremony and especially with the communion which are always done. But even within that more rigid structure, the couple gets some leeway. The couple gets to choose the music though (within reason) for the communion. Often it is up to the priest how strict they are about the music. We have played Guns N Roses in churches (not for communion of course) but for the recessional.
Depending on the budget, couples have from 4 (normal number) to 8 attendants each; 4 to 8 bridesmaids and 4 to 8 groomsmen. Usually there are flower girls and ring bearers. Sometimes for outside weddings dogs are involved and act as ring bearers and in one case as flower girl. One service dog for one bride was the maid of honor. It was a cool wedding.
One wedding at a fabcy resort at Aspen allowed the dog attendants into the main dining room. I'm sure thay paid dearly for that privilege.
Against everything Lay Leno holds dear, we have seen many breeds of dogs in tuxedos and fancy dresses. One of my personal favorite things to see in the entire world are young children in tuxedos and formal dresses. There is really nothing cuter, one of the true joys of being in this business.
Again depending on the budget, there are usually at least one still photographer and one videographer but usually two of each. Now that film is not involved, there are way more pictures taken.
Generally speaking for the food, roast beef (prime rib is possible) is served along with chicken or salmon. Other side dishes are tossed salad, fruit salad, some kind of potatoes of pasta and cake. Cupcakes are taking the place of regular wedding cake at many weddings because you can get many flavors (somthing for everyone). For vegetarian weddings, usually some dish with lentils is served and some dish with tofu (don't laugh until you've tried it). Some caterers are great at preparing tofu. I love it.
The weddings we played for today served prime rib, chicken marsala, and salmon along with some kind of pasta, a tossed salad and cake. There was wine and coffee/tea to drink for free. If you wanted to pay, you could get stronger liquor like vodka for example.
Most of the outside weddings here in Colorado are in the mountains and often on the very peak of the mountain. We have ofen been placed where we are looking down on ski lifts. It isn't always the best choice especially if the couple has guests coming from sea level somewhere. Suddenly we are all at 11,000 feet and some people literally have to get oxygen to remain at the wedding. These mountain peak weddings are costly because all guests/food etc have to be moved up on the gondolas. Yet we still have 5-6 of these per year for Vail and Aspen mountains.
Weddings in general are most expensive over that last several years. Might just be inflation in general. Brides have become quite picky. I am not saying this is a bad trait, but I do think that if the shade of pink is just a hair off, don't let it ruin your entire wedding. Be reasonable and try to put the entire picture together.
We furnish the music for the weddings (LIVE MUSIC). We want the couple to have music which has meaning for them. So we have a huge repertoire: I mentioned Gun N Roses. We also have Mozart, Pachelbel Canon, Led Zeppelin etc.
I think weddings are more personalized and that is good.
I was also in the wedding indistry in Utah and it was SO DIFFERENT. We only played for receptions and sometimes dinners, not ceremonies because we could not have music in the Temple. I actually asked a bride in Utah once (who was getting married in the temple) and for whose reception we were playing for why they could not get a string quartet WHO DID HAVE TEMPEL RECOMMENDS to play their music in their ceremony and she said that they don't have music in the ceremony and looked at me weird. I found our later why and it sickens me. I think music makes the ceremony perfect. I am biased being the music provided but music is important for a wedding.
We often do the music for the dances. We generally have one for the couple of course. Then we have one for the bride and her dad often one of those tearjerkers like "I Loved Her First," or "Butterfly Kisses." For one recent wedding the bride asked for "Amarillo By Morning" by George Strait for us to play for her and her dad's dance. I arranged it for the quartet. VERY COUNTRY. We weren't sure we could do such country fiddle. When her dad turned around in his cowboy hat when he heard the first notes of it, he looked at us and then grabbed his daughter and danced like nobody was watching. It was pure joy. After he said that it was a complete surprise to him, that he was raised in Armarillo and that he did not expect a string quartet to play it so he was very touched by that dance. I was too. It's the moments like that that make weddings worth the special music and the extra work. We also usually play a piece for the groom to dance to with his mom. Those are usually real emotional too. We played one which was a lullaby to her SOLDIER SON. There was not a dry eye in the house and certainly not in the string quartet.
I just wanted to mention one more thing about tonight's wedding. We had a couple of mixed religion (both Christian but different denominations.) Their relatives and friends included Jewish. Because Christmas is close, the bride had us play Hava Nagila for the Jewish people to dance to (but everyone else did too) and lots of Christmas music during the dinner. We ended up taking requests of Christmas music. It was super fun!!
I hope I have contributed to this posting. Whoever it is, have a great wedding.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/08/2013 04:42AM by enoughenoch19.

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Posted by: notamormon ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 07:39AM

Your career sounds like fun! Thanks for the post.

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Posted by: PtLoma ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 11:26AM

Agree with your take re: what can be incorporated into a religious wedding ceremony. Liturgical churches such as Catholic and Episcopal have a wedding rubric (generalized outline for the service) but there are choices in scripture readings. Typical there are readings from Old Testament, Epistles, and Gospels (Matthew/Mark/Luke/John...."the Gospel to non-Mormon Christians means the "good news" of these four books and is not a synonym for "church doctrine" as is used in Mormonism).

There are 3-5 choices of scriptures for each reading, and yes the couple may designate who the readers are, except for the final (Gospel) reading which generally is done by the priest. I am an non-Catholic (and Never Mo) who was allowed to be a reader at a Catholic wedding (some priests might restrict the readers to Catholics-only) in which the groom was from Austria: I am fluent in German and they wanted the first two readings done in a bilingual format, so I read the German version of each of the two readings, after the English reader had done so.

With respect to venue, in the US most Catholic weddings are held inside churches. I know of a couple who wanted a Catholic ceremony at their reception venue on a bluff above the Pacific Ocean, the priest said no, all Catholic ceremonies take place in churches (the groom countered with "when the Pope comes to the USA, they hold mass in stadiums", for which the priest had no answer). Most other denominations, including Episcopal, will conduct ceremonies at the venue----though many prefer the more formal atmosphere of the church interior. I have also attended venue ceremonies where communion (Episcopal) was celebrated.

I have Utah-transplant TBM colleagues here whom I have had to remind/advise that they ARE expected to attend the ceremony, not just the reception. A dead giveaway that they are clueless in this area is when they ask you "when is the reception", unaware that the reception is "to follow" the ceremony, so there IS no start time. It starts sometime after the ceremony (time for photos etc creates a buffer) but no one is late since presumably everyone attended the ceremony.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/08/2013 11:33AM by PtLoma.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 09:13AM

The rehearsal dinner is just that, a nice dinner. It might be given at someone's home or a restaurant. It is just for the families and members of the wedding party. There is no dancing involved.

Receptions can vary widely -- oftentimes there is dancing, but not always. Substantial food is always served -- you will be offered a meal, a buffet, or substantial appetizers. You may not necessarily eat the wedding cake at the wedding. A different dessert may be served, and you will be given a slice of the cake in a box to take home with you. If there is a traditional throwing of the garter and bridal bouquet, unmarried men and women will be called up to participate. If you don't want to do this, make a quick exit to the restroom. Other than that, just watch what's going on and go with the flow.

Most nevermos send their wedding gifts to the bride or the parent's house ahead of time. Generally substantial gifts are given (I used to budget $100 for a gift, or more.) It's best not to take gifts to the reception, but some people will do this anyway.

Nevermos tend to dress up for weddings. At an evening wedding, all stops are off! You will see bead, sequins, silks and satins.

The biggest thing is to RSVP! Couples and families often spend a huge amount of money on food and drinks at the reception and they need to know if you are coming or not.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/08/2013 09:14AM by summer.

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Posted by: PtLoma ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 11:40AM

Re: gifts, I have seen this evolve. In the 1980s I used to see gift tables piled high with gifts from the couple's bridal registry. Nowadays, it's much more common to send the gift ahead of time, either to the home of the bride or to the parents. The gift table now mostly has cards with gift/money cards inside, sometimes because the person bought the gift at the last minute, sometimes because they were afraid to send a $150 gift card in the mail. Bringing anything larger than a card or very small box is now considered an imposition, because the couple has to assign someone the task of gathering/safeguarding/transporting all of the gifts from the venue to a safe place. Much easier task if the person assigned does not have to deal with food processors or toaster ovens.

Some stores give the option of "free in-store pickup", which means the couple comes to the store after the wedding, at a less frenetic time, and picks up all of their gifts at once. I know of several couples who did this---began writing thank you notes (since they could access the registry and could see who had purchased which gift) before they actually had physical possession of the gift.

The cost of the gift is of course proportionate to the finances of the person giving the gift. A couple in their early 20s might receive $50-value gifts from peers, while older couples attending might gift $100+. Under no circumstances would a $5-10 gift (i.e. framed photo of a temple or other LDS-produced posters) be acceptable, and gifts tend to be of a practical nature---not religious propaganda.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 03:50PM

Right, and for certain ethnicities (i.e. Polish) it is common for the bride to make the rounds of the tables carrying a little satin purse. Those who wish to give her a money gift or a gift card may do so at this time (it is perfectly okay to give a regular gift beforehand, of course.) I've seen the bride distribute little net bags of candy-coated almonds at this time.

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Posted by: axeldc ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 03:29PM


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Posted by: Missy Kitty ( )
Date: December 08, 2013 06:13PM

Non-mormon weddings come in all shapes and sizes. Some are huge with no expense spared right down to the registry office affair with witnesses only.
I was on the registry office end with a few family and friends, then off to a nice restaurant for lunch.
But my husband was a grooms man in a full church wedding, professional photographer, big reception with flowers on the toilet stall doors etc.

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