Posted by:
Tal Bachman
(
)
Date: December 09, 2013 02:21PM
Long-time RFM readers might remember back ten years ago, when I first began to post here.
At that time, I was the Gospel Doctrine teacher in my growing branch, as well as the second counselor. Contrary to many of the malicious and untrue online claims made since (always anonymously) by members who claim to have known me, I was, I believe, as devout a Mormon as I was capable of being, and I always had been. Yarns about me living a rock star life were completely untrue; I'd toured the world as a pop star (albeit fairly low level), and never had a sip of alcohol, a drag on a ciggie, or so much as held hands with another girl - nor had I had any desire to. I had an angelic wife and seven (soon eight) children, and I was as certain as I think it is possible to be that Mormonism was God's only true religion.
No sooner did I begin to research my Old Testament Gospel Doctrine lessons, however, than I began to notice anomalies that - despite all the Mormon history and doctrine books I'd read - I had never known of before. First up was Joseph Smith's "Book of Moses"; my research into the original text of the first five books of the Bible showed that there was simply no way that "The Book of Moses" could be what Joseph Smith claimed. Rather than being a "corrected" version of a text written solely by Moses, as Smith claimed, it was clearly a composite put together of various Israelite histories (for more info on this, see the research of Dr. Richard Elliott Friedman).
That led into the Book of Abraham, which I realized was also a smoking gun; and that led to the discovery of more and more problems.
I sought faith-promoting explanations for these devastating problems from the church apologists at the now-defunct FARMS. I even wrote to Dallin Oaks. To my surprise, there were no answers. Oaks batted away my query by telling me to write to the First Presidency, and they responded by sending a copy of my sincere letter to my Branch President (though I had labeled it "personal and confidential"), as well as sending me a non-answer. I felt frustrated, bewildered, horrified, unsure of whether I was coming to my senses for the first time or being misled by Satan himself; and the cognitive dissonance I felt trying to find ways to stay in my pleasing "belief-state", holding on to the rock that my whole life and family relied on, while knowing that some of Joseph Smith's claims just could not be true, was terrible. I felt caught in some panicked state, with no way out, and I had no idea mentally what to do.
Around that time, I had promised my then-wife I'd make her a yard worthy of a "Better Homes and Gardens" feature; and it was while I was out one day laying and tamping down sod I'd ordered that I finally had a moment of clarity.
In that moment, it felt like all the hundreds of swirling concerns and questions stopped, and two questions came to my mind.
The first was:
"If, by some chance, Mormonism were not what it claimed to be, would I *really* want to know?"
And the second was:
"If it weren't, how would I know?"
Those questions, I thought, should be my starting point; and once I began to mull over that first question, everything else started to fall into place in my head.
Why? Because it wasn't a question about any particular Mormon or non-Mormon claim, but rather, a question about who I was, or wanted to be, as a person. Was I the kind of person who would prefer a pleasing fiction over a displeasing truth? If belief in a myth gave me things I valued, would I prefer to keep that going, versus seeing the myth for what it was, and losing everything?
I mulled the question over in my head for the next couple of days. If I remember right, by the third day, I had come - I admit with a lot of reluctance - to feel clear that *yes, I would want to know*, come what may.
That left the second question: "if Mormonism were not true...how would I know?"
This question again bypassed any particular Mormon controversy, and instead, forced me to consider some basic, a priori, ground rules about assessing ANY claim about the world (which would of course include the religion that meant so much to me).
That question again clarified, even stilled, a lot of the stuff running through my head at the time, and led to a few different insights, which to me seemed rock-solid. Now, they seem very common-sense; but in that addled state, when we have been essentially brainwashed so that we cannot think critically about Mormonism, they seemed earthshattering.
One insight was that, regardless of how any claim fared when compared to reality, if a witness asking to be believed contradicted himself in significant ways, he should be regarded as an unreliable source of information. That is, he should not be believed. Since Joseph Smith did contradict himself in many notable instances (for example, in claiming that he only had "one wife" even though he had secretly polygamously married many others, or changing the who, what, where, when, and why of his mutating First Vision story), that eliminated Joseph Smith as a credible witness.
Another insight was that epistemic rules, to be valid, had to remain the same when evaluating different claims. They could not be changed, in ad hoc fashion, so as to lead someone to a predetermined conclusion (this is known as the "Fallacy of Special Pleading"). I had noticed this many times in the writings of the apologists: no series of steps was too illogical for them, as long as they got back to "The church is true!". But this could only be a red flag).
I could go on, but these are just two examples of what I began to come up with, once I had determined that I really would want to know if Mormonism weren't true, and asked myself how I would know, if it weren't.
I described these two questions in many different posts online, most of them on this very board, never imagining that they might be as earthshattering to others, as they were to me.
Then, a couple of years later, I attended an ex-Mormon conference, and heard Mike Norton give a few remarks. During his talk, I was very surprised to hear him mention that an important moment for him had been considering the question, "If Mormonism were not true, would I really want to know?", and he added, "wherever that question came from".
I admit, the vain part of me at that moment wanted to stand up and shout, "HEY! Wow! Ha ha! I made that up! Yay me!". But modesty forbid it (obviously, that's worn off now :p).
And since then, I have heard a number of people - in podcasts, or in posts online - mention these two questions, and I have wondered how far they have floated through the ex-Mormon miasma (thanks to this very site), and how many people my two little questions might have helped gain clarity on what Mormonism is, and what it isn't.
I thought of this today, because I was shocked to see this morning, reading the letter English biship Steve Bloor sent to his ward members, that he also mentioned the "if Mormonism weren't true, would I want to know?" question. And I wondered again if these two little questions had far more power, and far more applicability, than I had ever imagined they would, ten years ago, when I first went through the painful process that so many others have gone through since. Certainly, in the many conversations I've had with members over the past few years, asking them those questions seems to have liberated them from years of brainwashing, sometimes in a matter of minutes. It is almost like, sometimes, they are emerging from a hypnotic state.
In any case, I just want to put out there that, if by chance you find yourself in conversation with a believing or wondering church member, rather than getting into a debate about some question of Mormon history or doctrine, try taking a step back, and asking your member friend these two simple, but powerful, questions:
1.) If, by some chance, Mormonism were not true, would you *really* want to know?;
and
2.) If it were not true...how would you know?
Let them ponder and stew; bring the conversation back to those fundamental questions if they veer back into rote apologetic sloganeering; and you just might see, as I have seen so many times now, their strange hypnotic state begin to dissipate, and them begin to think clearly, for the very first time, about Joseph Smith's invented religion.
Just thought I'd share. Hope this approach helps many more who would value truth over life, authenticity over pretense, and light over darkness.
Best wishes to all,
Tal