I was a recent convert of only 9 months. I left the church last week. I'm new in my town and new to this ward. New to the whole religion. I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss the friends and the family environment.

I'll NEVER go back. I've even written my arguments and research down so that IF they come wanting to talk me back, I'll be ready to defend my reasons for leaving.

However, the interesting thing is that NO ONE is coming to try to get me back and that's a mixed feeling. On one hand, I'm happy so that now I can go explore my new religion of choice next Sunday. But on another hand, I miss my friends. Such a WEIRD feeling, knowing good and well that this religion is so wrong but the feeling I got around my "church family" felt so right.

Will they actually do what I hope and leave me be, so that I can recover from this quickly?

Not likely. If you left a forwarding address, they will find you. Even if you didn't leave a forwarding address, they will probably find you.

You just have to be up front with them and tell them you want no contact. If you really want out, you should resign.

www.mormonresignation dot com

This will tell you most everything you need to know about the process.

I will say that the one thing that I will miss is having the Elders quorum show up at my place the next time that I have to move.

Oh no, I didn't move. I'm still in the same town and same house. I've been so shocked that it's been almost a week and no one has tried to co-erce me back. :) It's kinda awesome, and sad at the same time because I do miss their friendships.

I also have all of my research ready for when they do come bug me. Thank you so much for the link, I'm gonna check it out.

Honestly it doesn't sound like you really want to be left alone and thats okay. Also, Mormons really can't be your friends; everyone is an assignment. I am almost 99.999% positive that someone will be assigned to you and you will not be left alone for long. They are probably still plotting their mode of attack (or "fellowship") in their correlation meetings. Don't worry they will be by soon enough. You are a lost sheep now.

I want the friendships and in that regard, no I don't want to be left alone. BUT I don't want the missionaries to come. I don't want any elders to come to talk me back. I JUST WANT THE FRIENDSHIPS. Is this even possible? My friends mostly said, "We love you and respect your decision and no matter what we'll still be friends". But....they haven't come back (they being my friends).

What do you mean "someone" will be assigned to me. I want to be left alone in that regard. No discussions about the church. Lost sheep? No no, I moved onto a different religion. Not lost! LOL!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2013 12:18AM by pamelaf3211.

I hear you. None of us are lost they are, but active believing Mormons view everyone else as "lost sheep" that need rescuing. In Mormonism people are assigned to each other. Even if you aren't active you will still be assigned visiting teachers and home teachers. You will also be discussed in meetings and amongst the leaders and a plan/assignment will be made regarding your inactivity. This is just how it works. I hope I answered your questions.

almost forgot...I'm not sure how to say this, but typically friendships don't survive this, but you never know. From my experience and others on the board a lot of family relationships don't even survive someone leaving the religion. My friendships very quickly ended when I left. But you never know, only time will tell. Good luck! Keep posting, everyone here is very supportive.

So..I never had a home teacher. I don't know why. I did have visiting teachers. They did attempt to come visit me and I said, "I don't think that's a good idea. I left the church last week and I don't wish to talk about it. If you want to come by strictly as a friend, you're more than welcome, but my boundary is clear: NO CHURCH TALK." They didn't respond. At all. LOL!

But is that what you mean by the person(s) "assigned" to me? I still don't have a home teacher- 9 months later. So I don't imagine I'll be getting one soon, if at all. WHAT? They discuss inactive members amongst each other? Why? They know why I'm inactive, I told them!

My reasons for quitting are 1) The history of the church and research I found; and 2) Answers to my prayers about the church not being true.

I will definitely keep posting. I feel happy and sad at the same time. Thank goodness I was not a member long. Maybe being that I was a member only for nine months, they won't consider me valuable! LOL!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2013 12:49AM by pamelaf3211.

unfortunately, yes members are talked about in meetings. Each auxillary (RS, PH, bishopric, etc.) has, usually, weekly meetings where they plan, discuss, assign & delegate. You might have a home teacher, not all home teachers do there assignments.

Mormonism believes that once your a member you will always be a member. Your name will always show up on attendance sheets and the records. They will track you each time you move and assign you to a new ward. Your records will keep being forwarded. The only way to avoid this is to have your name removed by resignation or you can tell the bishop to put you on the "do not contact list." The do not contact list isn't always effective.

anonthistime Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> unfortunately, yes members are talked about in
> meetings. Each auxillary (RS, PH, bishopric,
> etc.) has, usually, weekly meetings where they
> plan, discuss, assign & delegate. You might have a
> home teacher, not all home teachers do there
> assignments.
>
> Mormonism believes that once your a member you
> will always be a member. Your name will always
> show up on attendance sheets and the records.
> They will track you each time you move and assign
> you to a new ward. Your records will keep being
> forwarded. The only way to avoid this is to have
> your name removed by resignation or you can tell
> the bishop to put you on the "do not contact
> list." The do not contact list isn't always
> effective.


Oh nooo....this isn't sounding very good. :(

Various people and varying capacities at various times will be "assigned" to "fellowship" and reactivate you. Its only been a week so I'm not surprised you haven't had people come by yet.

As long as you are on the rolls of the church you will receive periodic contact to try and get you back. Hometeaching/VisitingTeachings visits, Relief Society visits, missionaries, carolers during Christmas, Elders Quorum checking to see if there's "anything you need help with," Bishopric visits, etc. They get together in various meetings and review various lists discussing "members" who aren't participating fully.

They might become less frequent as you hold your ground and make it clear you will NOT be returning.

As for friendships, I wouldn't put much hope in that. Mormons are too busy to have friendships outside of church. The church IS their social life. Once you drop out of their club you most likely won't see most of these people again, and the few you do see again won't be very often.

Ex-CultMember Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Various people and varying capacities at various
> times will be "assigned" to "fellowship" and
> reactivate you. Its only been a week so I'm not
> surprised you haven't had people come by yet.
>
> As long as you are on the rolls of the church you
> will receive periodic contact to try and get you
> back. Hometeaching/VisitingTeachings visits,
> Relief Society visits, missionaries, carolers
> during Christmas, Elders Quorum checking to see if
> there's "anything you need help with," Bishopric
> visits, etc. They get together in various meetings
> and review various lists discussing "members" who
> aren't participating fully.
>
> They might become less frequent as you hold your
> ground and make it clear you will NOT be
> returning.
>
> As for friendships, I wouldn't put much hope in
> that. Mormons are too busy to have friendships
> outside of church. The church IS their social
> life. Once you drop out of their club you most
> likely won't see most of these people again, and
> the few you do see again won't be very often.

I think my ward is just incredibly lazy. I did have the visiting teachers attempt to stop by, but they facebooked me! LOL! It was REALLY easy for me to say no this way. :) But other than this..nothing. I was supposed to sing for a Christmas party (I was an active member of their choir) and I didn't because my convictions were that strong. My VT companion has asked me to show up at her house for dinner, as her "friend". But she is the only one who has asked or tried. I was happy to hear from her, because I miss her friendship. I would not be happy at ALL to hear from my bishop, any of his councelors, missionaries, etc.

The hard facts:
You're only valuable if you pay 10% tithing, and clean the church.
Mormons have very few Real friends. If you're not a mormon, you're even less likely to be considered a friend.
If you were baptized, you're considered a member. If you stop going you're considered inactive.
The only way you'll be considered NOT a member is if you write a letter to SLC records department stating that you're no longer a member. Otherwise, they will show up eventually.
If you didn't have a hometeacher, it's because you were assigned to someone who doesn't like to do their HT assignment.
Don't be surprised if the missionaries show up again.

Most mormons aren't interested in having friends who aren't active mormons. They have nothing in common with them. Mormons don't have much in common with people who aren't mormon. They don't have time. They have so many church assignments. Mormons make lousy friends.

madalice Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The hard facts:
> You're only valuable if you pay 10% tithing, and
> clean the church.
> Mormons have very few Real friends. If you're not
> a mormon, you're even less likely to be considered
> a friend.
> If you were baptized, you're considered a member.
> If you stop going you're considered inactive.
> The only way you'll be considered NOT a member is
> if you write a letter to SLC records department
> stating that you're no longer a member. Otherwise,
> they will show up eventually.
> If you didn't have a hometeacher, it's because you
> were assigned to someone who doesn't like to do
> their HT assignment.
> Don't be surprised if the missionaries show up
> again.
>
> Most mormons aren't interested in having friends
> who aren't active mormons. They have nothing in
> common with them. Mormons don't have much in
> common with people who aren't mormon. They don't
> have time. They have so many church assignments.
> Mormons make lousy friends.

OH! Well this is good news for me, then! I don't pay 10 percent because my Bishop told me I need to "defer" to my non-member husband who does not agree with tithing.

Ok...so..as I was typing to you all, my VT messaged me again on FB and said, "That's fine, I'll come just as a friend and will respect your boundaries". She wants to come on Fri.

This will be interesting- to see if she can visit WITHOUT talking about the church, because I made it clear we're not discussing it.

even without giving you a lesson.

If its only been a week I doubt many people have really even noticed. I still attend about once a month with my family. I have been in the same ward my whole life, grew up with many still there, had many of them as mentors/teachers/whatever. The only time I was away was on my mission.

No one notices when I dont attend. Furthermore I dont take note when other people dont attend. Now I know there are many attendance sticklers out there, but I wouldn't be expecting anything dramatic for quite a bit.

Also, when it comes dont be too combative... How many people even can begin to understand your discontent there? Any? Try looking at it from their point of view, your departure is likely coming out of nowhere to them whereas you may have seen it coming and built it up for a bit.

Also all TBMs do not respond or acknowledge "evidence" so dont expect your research to do any good in a discussion.

Just be nice and cordial with them, make boundries clear. I like to play a little mind game in my head when talking with TBMs of imagining how I would act if I was in their shoes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2013 02:45AM by nonsequiter.

nonsequiter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If its only been a week I doubt many people have
> really even noticed. I still attend about once a
> month with my family. I have been in the same ward
> my whole life, grew up with many still there, had
> many of them as mentors/teachers/whatever. The
> only time I was away was on my mission.
>
> No one notices when I dont attend. Furthermore I
> dont take note when other people dont attend. Now
> I know there are many attendance sticklers out
> there, but I wouldn't be expecting anything
> dramatic for quite a bit.
>
> Also, when it comes dont be too combative... How
> many people even can begin to understand your
> discontent there? Any? Try looking at it from
> their point of view, your departure is likely
> coming out of nowhere to them whereas you may have
> seen it coming and built it up for a bit.
>
> Also all TBMs do not respond or acknowledge
> "evidence" so dont expect your research to do any
> good in a discussion.
>
> Just be nice and cordial with them, make boundries
> clear. I like to play a little mind game in my
> head when talking with TBMs of imagining how I
> would act if I was in their shoes.


Wow, I'm not sure I have the patience to do that. I feel rather conned right now. They definitely have noticed. I was their main soprano in the church choir, and they put me to use pretty much all of the time, musically speaking. I was also their RS chorister so I was expected to be there for RS at least every sunday, and also for choir practice. The choir conductor is the bishop's wife, and the first thing she does is ask where I am. She seems sad that I skipped out on their Christmas Party because we had songs we were due to perform. I just randomly dropped out and didn't talk to anyone about it. No one expected it. And no one has asked. It's like they don't really care.

It was as if life just went on as usual for them. They knew I wasn't there, but they didn't care. My visiting teaching companion texted me and invited me to dinner. She had no idea I had left the church. I'm not going to her dinner. Three very active members- no thank you.

My visiting teacher asked if she could come over Friday but she asked via facebook so I just ignored her.

One thing I think you should realize is that until you formally quit, these women are still your VTs. So a visit with you (even if they don't discuss church) still counts as a church-mandated visit -- meaning that it will be difficult to determine if they truly want to remain friends, or not.

Be proactive about inviting your Mormon friends to different activities. It may work out or it may not. I would recommend coming to an agreement with them about keeping personal beliefs (or lack thereof) off the table as a topic of discussion.

Formally resigning can determine that. If they are willing to be your friends even with you as an ex-member, and with religion off the table...which I doubt...you'll know if they were real or (more likely) assigned friends.

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One thing I think you should realize is that until
> you formally quit, these women are still your VTs.
> So a visit with you (even if they don't discuss
> church) still counts as a church-mandated visit --
> meaning that it will be difficult to determine if
> they truly want to remain friends, or not.
>
> Be proactive about inviting your Mormon friends to
> different activities. It may work out or it may
> not. I would recommend coming to an agreement with
> them about keeping personal beliefs (or lack
> thereof) off the table as a topic of discussion.

WHAT? Really? Ugh. I'm not going to visit with them then. If they show up and I'm not working (I work from home) or if I'm in a decent enough mood to deal with their crap I might, but not often. And not soon!

Ya know...the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing that I don't think I want their friendships. They weren't very proactive about keeping up our friendships outside of church, and neither was I. So why would I even want the friendships outside of church, now that we have nothing in common? I know I sound like a witch but honestly, I've got a large family and a loving husband. I need new friends but I'm fine without friends at all until that happens.

I left after 36 years (graduate of BYU, stake leadership positions, part of an extended family that left) and no one contacted me (or any family member) except the Bishop by phone. I told them I wanted to leave quietly and be left alone. In the last 10 years, only one person has asked me why I left, and because she was only 12, I replied only that pursuing a better relationship with God took me in a different direction. I don't know what you can expect. There were no cookies, VT's contacting me, and one of my closest friends only asked if there was any chance I might come back. They don't want to know why... your reasons might be valid and I think they are afraid. Don't take it personally.

Just Me Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I left after 36 years (graduate of BYU, stake
> leadership positions, part of an extended family
> that left) and no one contacted me (or any family
> member) except the Bishop by phone. I told them I
> wanted to leave quietly and be left alone. In the
> last 10 years, only one person has asked me why I
> left, and because she was only 12, I replied only
> that pursuing a better relationship with God took
> me in a different direction. I don't know what you
> can expect. There were no cookies, VT's contacting
> me, and one of my closest friends only asked if
> there was any chance I might come back. They don't
> want to know why... your reasons might be valid
> and I think they are afraid. Don't take it
> personally.

My bishop knows. He hasn't called. I don't think he will, to be honest. He knows because I'm incredibly active in choir and haven't shown up to two performances and four practices. Finally, their neighbor asked me and I told her. News flies around here. I'm sure they know. I'm better off if they just allow me to leave quietly. But if they do visit me, I won't be one to be made to feel guilty or to be told that I need to "pray about it"- lol. They will have a long, lengthy debate on their hands, after which they probably will quickly excuse themselves with nothing left to say except, "I feel the spirit of dissention here in your home".....lol

That said, all bets are off. They might bug you. They might leave you alone.

It's highly doubtful you'll keep TBM Friends, especially if you've come out and given reasons why you don't believe. Many mormons would now consider you to be somewhat dangerous to their faith. If they hang out with you, they might hear something that would shake their faith.

And as far as not talking about the church to you, do the Mormons where you live actually have something to talk about besides church? Where I am, everything seems to revolve around church callings and activities.

imaworkinonit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That said, all bets are off. They might bug you.
> They might leave you alone.
>
> It's highly doubtful you'll keep TBM Friends,
> especially if you've come out and given reasons
> why you don't believe. Many mormons would now
> consider you to be somewhat dangerous to their
> faith. If they hang out with you, they might hear
> something that would shake their faith.
>
> And as far as not talking about the church to you,
> do the Mormons where you live actually have
> something to talk about besides church? Where I
> am, everything seems to revolve around church
> callings and activities.

The few that did ask were told 1) I did research into church history and wasn't pleased; and 2) I received an answer to my prayers about the truth or lack thereof, to the church.

I actually did receive an answer. And my research is strong and valid. They will an earful if they come to my home.

But I promise you the Mormons are stressed and overwhelmed with their families and church work, their guilt and drive toward perfection. They might harass you or not. If they do or don't, it doesn't matter much because they do what they do out of duty more than love.

You're smart to leave early on. This will make your recovery shorter and easier.

What they do will be about them and their hangups. It won't be about you.

That was really wise of you to write down your research and reasons for leaving. It will all fade from your mind in time, and then one day you'll get asked and won't be able to remember it! It has happened to me.

The Mormons might show up at your door again, and if they do just say "No, thank you." and resign.

http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

Makurosu Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That was really wise of you to write down your
> research and reasons for leaving. It will all fade
> from your mind in time, and then one day you'll
> get asked and won't be able to remember it! It has
> happened to me.
>
> The Mormons might show up at your door again, and
> if they do just say "No, thank you." and resign.
>
> http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

I have my reasons listed on a little notebook I carry around in my purse, in case they see me out of my home..lol. If they see me IN my home, I can pull up all my research from the "notes" section of my iphone. :)

9 months is, well, the perfect amount of time for gestation.

Sounds like you were 'born again' and figured out the Truth...

Congrats!

What name will you give the 'newborn'?

breedumyung Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 9 months is, well, the perfect amount of time for
> gestation.
>
> Sounds like you were 'born again' and figured out
> the Truth...
>
> Congrats!
>
> What name will you give the 'newborn'?


Her name is Jezebel :)

Those fake MOrmon "friendships" are bought with your free work for the cult and 10% of your gross annual income.

Frankly, the price is too high and Mormonism is a fraud anyway.

Apply your energies to developing real friendships instead.

But if you are an introvert, that's o.k. too

Leah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Those fake MOrmon "friendships" are bought with
> your free work for the cult and 10% of your gross
> annual income.
>
> Frankly, the price is too high and Mormonism is a
> fraud anyway.
>
> Apply your energies to developing real
> friendships instead.
>
> But if you are an introvert, that's o.k. too

An introvert. I work from home, have a toddler and three rambunctious boys. I'm very close with my husband and our relationship is fun and profound. We have happy lives, and probably will even be much more happy WITHOUT the church. :) We're already investigating a different religion.