I want to tell them. I want to come clean and tell them what I really think. I am so sick of lying and holding my tongue In every conversation.

I am moving next month and won't see my family for probably 2 years. Should I tell them I don't believe now, or should I wait and tell them when I'm in japan, or tell them when I return?

I don't know what Will be easier for both of us, Does anyone have any advice?

My wife and I have struggled with the same question - should we tell our parents and extended family, and if so, how, where and when. We've considered writing letters, or having a conversation.

For now, we've decided to not say anything. We don't blatantly lie, and if someone were to ask us outright, of course we'd be truthful and tell them we no longer attend church. For now, we plan to just "fly under the radar".

But here's the thing - if we were to take the first step, it would be like opening the door and welcoming endless religious debates and re-activation efforts. That's exactly what we want to avoid. When the cat is eventually let out of the bag, the fact that we haven't told them anything until we had to will hopefully send the message that we have boundaries that our family members will need to respect. They'll just have to accept that there are aspects of our lives that we wish to remain private.

I feel the same way as you do, Bartok. Can't wait to be 100% honest in my life, but have still to find an opportune time to tell my folks.

I'd suggest waiting for you to have been gone a while before you tell them. That way, they have time to get over whatever their reaction is before they see you again.

Most American adults do not feel a great need to discuss their belief system with their parents.

Wait until the next two years have gone by.
A lot of things can change in two years.

Just let a few comments drop now and then while you are gone that might suggest that you are thinking outside the confines of Mormonism. You could make comments about doing something NOT church-sanctioned on Sunday, or you could show support for something the church is against (like gay rights, or women getting the priesthood). Or you could say something that indicates you take the Bible with a large grain of salt (if that is the case for you).

They'll see that you are changing, and then it won't be such a shock when they find out you no longer attend, and later, that you don't believe anymore.

I agree with georgesaint that being open with it invites religious debate and reactivation efforts, so I have held off telling most of my family, but in some ways it feels dishonest. Being a member of the LDS church was a huge part of my life and leaving it has been a huge thing for me and my husband and kids. I feel like they ought to know. On the other hand, part of me thinks it would be nice to have let a significant period of time have gone by between stepping away from the church and sharing the news. I'd like them to see I haven't changed just b/c my religious views have.

We've contemplated letters or emails, but it's possible something more organic could come up before that happens. Certainly it needs to be done before my son's expected baptism next fall.

Is it like pulling off a Band Aid? Do we just need to rip it off and get it over with?

I suggest hints whenever conversations call for them.

We don't owe parents, relatives, and friends explanations or justifications for making normal rational adult decisions.

In this case I'd hint before going to Japan and continue doing so after leaving. If parents want a confrontation, let them instigate it.

Already did - big hullabaloo-- and then they conveniently forgot

Lucky. How did you pull that off?

Even though it is about gays coming out, I think they would be helpful for exmos talking to their parents.

I think your parents deserve the right to love you for who you are, not the lie.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/randy-neece/the-parent-crap-10-tips-for-coming-out_b_2104164.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/14/2013 09:03PM by MJ.

Actually I think I did pretty poorly. I told my parents that I was going to marry my now-hubby eventually. They took it poorly and tried to do an intervention with my grandmother, who was inactive. At that time I told them that I didn't believe anyway and wanted nothing to do with Mormon men. That did not go over too well. If I wasn't in the Navy, I think my dad would have tried to put me over his knee. He did know that if he tried I would report him for damaging government property-- me.

Tell them in a letter. Then you can control the conversation since it is one-way. They can respond but at least you can get all of your points out on paper.

If YES, then you should hold off and never tell them while they are alive. Don't screw up your inheritance by pissing them off.

So much depends on your personality and the nature of your relationship with your parents.

Another option is just not approached them. I just lived my life and waited for them to come to me. That gave me a few years. I let them ask the questions, and I'd answer. It was a very gentle way to come out, but that is my style.

Of course, I don't live in the same state as most of my family.