I left the church two weeks ago, as of tomorrow. I don't think they are going to come for me at all (thank goodness). The reason? I'm not a full tithe payer. I went to the bishop once I moved into this ward and explained to him that my husband doesn't like me tithing.The bishop said I needed to "defer" to my husband and not pay it unless he says so.

Anyway, I think they don't come after people who don't tithe. :) Yay!

But they might miss having you around to clean toilets and keep the numbers up on the rolls that get sent to Salt Lake City. The Church Office Building will send the ward less money if there are less bodies (you don't even have to be a member) in the pews. And as we all know, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!

Did you officially resign or did you just leave physically?

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> n/t


WHAT? what could they possibly have wanted? LOL!

And suck people in giving tithes and free labor. With pressure they hope those who don't attend will man up and get into the Mormon mind set.

Cheryl Wrote:
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> And suck people in giving tithes and free labor.
> With pressure they hope those who don't attend
> will man up and get into the Mormon mind set.

Well they know I'm very research oriented and hard headed. They know I won't feel pressure or cave in.

LOL- I wasn't a tithe payer either, and they've come after me off and on for over 20 years!

Maybe I'm a bit cynical by now, but being a woman, I expect they want my free service and my children. (And their children, and so on.) :-O

And just because we didn't pay in the past doesn't mean they won't try to get us to do it in the future, right?

I do hope that you are luckier than me, and they let you go gracefully.

CakeOrDeath Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> LOL- I wasn't a tithe payer either, and they've
> come after me off and on for over 20 years!
>
> Maybe I'm a bit cynical by now, but being a woman,
> I expect they want my free service and my
> children. (And their children, and so on.) :-O
>
> And just because we didn't pay in the past doesn't
> mean they won't try to get us to do it in the
> future, right?
>
> I do hope that you are luckier than me, and they
> let you go gracefully.

Over 20 yrs?!?! WOW! How often have they come for you during this time period?

It varies. I've moved around a bit during the last couple of decades. There were some places I lived where I was left alone for up to three years at a time.

My name has even changed (married now).

But we have settled down in one place for a good stretch now, and they cannot seem to stay away for more than 12 months in a row. At the worst point, I was actively love bombed by people whom I had never met at least once a month. (It's better than that, now... Currently they show up about every 6 months.) They ask for me by my maiden name. Yes, I am on the "No Contact" list, which I really think doesn't actually exist.

Every time they come, it only serves to show my children that this church has a deep lack of respect for people, and a lack of common courtesy in general.

CakeOrDeath Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It varies. I've moved around a bit during the last
> couple of decades. There were some places I lived
> where I was left alone for up to three years at a
> time.
>
> My name has even changed (married now).
>
> But we have settled down in one place for a good
> stretch now, and they cannot seem to stay away for
> more than 12 months in a row. At the worst point,
> I was actively love bombed by people whom I had
> never met at least once a month. (It's better than
> that, now... Currently they show up about every 6
> months.) They ask for me by my maiden name. Yes, I
> am on the "No Contact" list, which I really think
> doesn't actually exist.
>
> Every time they come, it only serves to show my
> children that this church has a deep lack of
> respect for people, and a lack of common courtesy
> in general.

o.ooo three years at a time would be nice!!

Welp, I've missed two singing performances (I'm a lead singer in their small choir), and as of tomorrow, two church services. If they were going to come they would have done it by now.

I think I'm in the clear! I have not officially resigned. I do believe in God and Jesus- honestly I don't think he cares about a piece of paper in their files. You know?

Two weeks is nothing in Mormon time. Think *eternity* because that's how much time they think they have to get you back. I'll bet they are so busy with ward Christmas programs they hardly noticed you weren't there. But when the new year rolls around and the ward missionaries and full-time missionaries have too much time on their hands......watch out! Mark my words. They will be after you deary.

There are some posters here who have flown under LDS radar for decades and then one day..... Love bombing begins out of nowhere.

Cali Sally Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Two weeks is nothing in Mormon time. Think
> *eternity* because that's how much time they think
> they have to get you back. I'll bet they are so
> busy with ward Christmas programs they hardly
> noticed you weren't there. But when the new year
> rolls around and the ward missionaries and
> full-time missionaries have too much time on their
> hands......watch out! Mark my words. They will be
> after you deary.
>
> There are some posters here who have flown under
> LDS radar for decades and then one day..... Love
> bombing begins out of nowhere.

Naw..they noticed. My close friend is a member of the Relief Society presidency. Also, I'm their top soprano and I missed their two Christmas performances. The choir director is the wife of the bishop. They know. They just don't care. :) When I moved wards in July and moved to this town, I didn't go to church for two whole months. They didn't even stop by then.

...did you just quit attending, or did you officially resign on paper? If you just quit going, you still might be in their gunsights, especially if the Ward gets a new set of missionaries. They can and do play stupid.

..."Oh hi. we were just in the neighborhood, and thought we could visit".

..."Thanks, but I asked to be removed from the Ward list, AND put on "No Contact".

..."Oh OK, but we are new to the area, and just used the list the MP gave us. Maybe they haven't updated it, but can we come in anyway"....you know, since we're here, and all?

ConcernedCitizen Wrote:
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> ...did you just quit attending, or did you
> officially resign on paper? If you just quit
> going, you still might be in their gunsights,
> especially if the Ward gets a new set of
> missionaries. They can and do play stupid.
>
> ..."Oh hi. we were just in the neighborhood, and
> thought we could visit".
>
> ..."Thanks, but I asked to be removed from the
> Ward list, AND put on "No Contact".
>
> ..."Oh OK, but we are new to the area, and just
> used the list the MP gave us. Maybe they haven't
> updated it, but can we come in anyway"....you
> know, since we're here, and all?

I just stopped attending. Been almost two weeks! I did make it clear that I didn't want to hear from any of them, especially not anyone in the bishopric or the missionaries. Hopefully they are honoring my wishes. I am interested to see if they will come or not because it will solidify my theory that they are ONLY after tithe payers. Also, once I pull out my lengthy page of their own church history, they won't stay long, right?

...maybe, but like I said, when new missionaries come on board, they get their marching orders from the MP, not the BP, unless there was a mutual understanding regarding you exclusively.
...but, as you said, by keeping a low profile, you may be able to illude capture.

I believe that you are counted as a regular attendee if you go only once a month. So you may not be on their radar just yet. Give it a couple of months and see if their welcome lack of interest in you continues.

As much as the church values $$$ its not their only priority as they wouldn't have such a huge missionary presence in Latin America and the 3rd world. Those countries are certainly NOT helping their pocket books. They'll take whoever they can get (though they'll still and try and squeeze any penny they can if possible).

I think you are still under the radar with most of the ward members and the Bishop and missionaries are probably giving you a little space at the moment since you were so outspoken about your status with the church.

I would be VERY surprised though if you don't start receiving visits in the next few months from various members of the ward. If not, then you are one of the luckiest ex-Mormons I've ever known.

Ex-CultMember Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As much as the church values $$$ its not their
> only priority as they wouldn't have such a huge
> missionary presence in Latin America and the 3rd
> world. Those countries are certainly NOT helping
> their pocket books. They'll take whoever they can
> get (though they'll still and try and squeeze any
> penny they can if possible).
>
> I think you are still under the radar with most of
> the ward members and the Bishop and missionaries
> are probably giving you a little space at the
> moment since you were so outspoken about your
> status with the church.

>
> I would be VERY surprised though if you don't
> start receiving visits in the next few months from
> various members of the ward. If not, then you are
> one of the luckiest ex-Mormons I've ever known.

Here's the weird thing. I just moved here in July. I didn't go to church for two whole months and they didn't notice me the entire time. They only noticed me when I showed up at church.

Interesting comment above. DH didn't want wife to pay tithing. Defer to him! And not pay? I don't want my DH to pay tithing. Screw me is the answer I get!

Feeling light Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Interesting comment above. DH didn't want wife to
> pay tithing. Defer to him! And not pay? I don't
> want my DH to pay tithing. Screw me is the answer
> I get!


Well, the bishop also said that the belief of the Church is that the man is the head of the household, and that the woman has her own place but that she should "defer to the man as the head of the household".

How did you get on with your friend's visit?
Did they keep the conversation religion free?

nevermo1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How did you get on with your friend's visit?
> Did they keep the conversation religion free?

I did not go to the dinner I was invited to because our family was physically ill with a tummy virus.

Hehe,

BIC=born in the covenant

TBM=True believing Mormon

I'm not a Mormon but see others on this site using these abbreviations...


Keep us updated on whether or not they come knocking and whether your friend remains respectful(no church talk).

nevermo1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hehe,
>
> BIC=born in the covenant
>
> TBM=True believing Mormon
>
> I'm not a Mormon but see others on this site using
> these abbreviations...
>
>
> Keep us updated on whether or not they come
> knocking and whether your friend remains
> respectful(no church talk).

Well one of my friends in the church came by and left a Christmas gift. It was a very nice blanket, monogrammed. I wasn't home so I didn't get to say thanks.

Another one called and left a message on my voicemail when I was ill on Thursday. She said, "I just wanted to see what I can do for you, Pamela. Maybe I can take the baby out shopping today with me." I did call her back and she was did not mention church topics. She just said if I ever wanted to talk about it, she would listen.

I think you are naive if you think they won't come. After only 2 weeks, they assume you have been ill, or with family since it's the holidays. If after 6 months nobody shows up at your door? Then maybe.

I did not go for a month. At week 4 the missionaries were at my door. I claimed illness and did not let them in. I then wrote a letter of resignation to the bishop, and asked for no contact. That was mailed Wednesday so we will see. I fully expect people to show up.

I think rather than going "less active", people should flat out resign. One, if you are considered less active, the missionaries will contact you once a week. The only way to avoid this is to move. Also, I believe resignation sends a clear message to the church. If all the "less actives", or "non-actives" resigned rather than just not going, the numbers would decline drastically. Would send a clear message to the church and the rest of the world, that this church is nothing but a hoax. There are MILLIONS of less actives.

Mark my words, they will knock on your door. My bet is within the next 6 weeks.

freeofit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think you are naive if you think they won't
> come. After only 2 weeks, they assume you have
> been ill, or with family since it's the holidays.
> If after 6 months nobody shows up at your door?
> Then maybe.
>
> I did not go for a month. At week 4 the
> missionaries were at my door. I claimed illness
> and did not let them in. I then wrote a letter of
> resignation to the bishop, and asked for no
> contact. That was mailed Wednesday so we will see.
> I fully expect people to show up.
>
> I think rather than going "less active", people
> should flat out resign. One, if you are considered
> less active, the missionaries will contact you
> once a week. The only way to avoid this is to
> move. Also, I believe resignation sends a clear
> message to the church. If all the "less actives",
> or "non-actives" resigned rather than just not
> going, the numbers would decline drastically.
> Would send a clear message to the church and the
> rest of the world, that this church is nothing but
> a hoax. There are MILLIONS of less actives.
>
> Mark my words, they will knock on your door. My
> bet is within the next 6 weeks.

Yuck, I hope you're wrong. :( They know I haven't been ill. My close friend is in the RS presidency and I'm sure she had told them I'm done.

I hope you're right, and that they don't come for you.However, my experience and that of other people on the board shows that they probably will. They even came after me--very aggressively--after I resigned, moved, and had a lawyer send letters.

Here are the criteria for if they will come after you or not, and it only takes ONE of these factors to put you on their Visit Relentlessly List:

Were you BIC?
Do you have TBM family?
Can they get your info from any of your TBM family? (The church Member Locator Services is a whole department dedicated to this.)
Did you attend a church school (one of the BYUs)?
Did you go through the temple?
Have you ever attended an activity in the ward you live in?
Do you have any resources that might be attractive to the ward (a good job, a car that can be used to chauffeur people, quilting frames, tents, etc.)?
Do you have any known talents such as singing, piano playing, cooking, baking, sewing, experienced camper or something that the ward would want to use?
Do you have kids, or do they think you might someday have kids?

When I was still a TBM and was in callings where I had to attend ward council, these were factors that were discussed about various people that the bishopric wanted to reactivate. All it took was one of the above and they were on the list.

stbleaving Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I hope you're right, and that they don't come for
> you.However, my experience and that of other
> people on the board shows that they probably will.
> They even came after me--very aggressively--after
> I resigned, moved, and had a lawyer send letters.
>
>
> Here are the criteria for if they will come after
> you or not, and it only takes ONE of these factors
> to put you on their Visit Relentlessly List:
>
> Were you BIC?
> Do you have TBM family?
> Can they get your info from any of your TBM
> family? (The church Member Locator Services is a
> whole department dedicated to this.)
> Did you attend a church school (one of the BYUs)?
> Did you go through the temple?
> Have you ever attended an activity in the ward you
> live in?
> Do you have any resources that might be attractive
> to the ward (a good job, a car that can be used to
> chauffeur people, quilting frames, tents, etc.)?
> Do you have any known talents such as singing,
> piano playing, cooking, baking, sewing,
> experienced camper or something that the ward
> would want to use?
> Do you have kids, or do they think you might
> someday have kids?
>
> When I was still a TBM and was in callings where I
> had to attend ward council, these were factors
> that were discussed about various people that the
> bishopric wanted to reactivate. All it took was
> one of the above and they were on the list.


Umm..what's BIC and TBM? I had a temple recommend but did not go to temple. I attended pretty much every activity in the ward I lived in. I do have a good job, but no other resources. I was their lead soprano in a very small choir and I cooked sometimes to bring meals to families who were ill. I do have four young kids 11 and under. I did have a calling but it was RS chorister- that's a very light calling that anyone can handle. I'm the only person in my family with LDS background. I was a convert. No heritage that is LDS and not a tithe payer, but still kept a temple recommend because bishop said tithing would cause contention in my household with my nonmember husband.

My kids weren't active in church, but two are baptized. Only my 7 year old and 19 month old enjoyed church.

Tupperwhere Wrote:
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> http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/abbreviations

Wow that's all really overwhelming..lol.

I'm getting confused here. You stated several times that you are a convert of 9 months, and that you didn't attend for a couple months when you moved last July.

How do you have a temple recommend? I thought it took at least a year of membership to get a TR. Do they have special "starter" recommends now? I've been out of the loop for a long time.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm getting confused here. You stated several
> times that you are a convert of 9 months, and that
> you didn't attend for a couple months when you
> moved last July.
>
> How do you have a temple recommend? I thought it
> took at least a year of membership to get a TR.
> Do they have special "starter" recommends now?
> I've been out of the loop for a long time.

I got a temporary temple recommend for baptism by proxy ONLY.