I posted on this forum a few years ago about how I was a 15 year old who found out the church was false and how I should go about living my life while within a TBM household. I am almost 19 years old now, and after about four and a half years of not believing, I have decided to come out to my family on the 30th of December. Shortly after, I will move in with my best friend's family and will continue my community college education for a couple of years there, funded by Pell grants that I receive. Along with generally being sick of my dad who constantly makes me feel like trash, I have decided that it is ultimately best if I leave my family for some time, possibly indefinitely, so I can continue my education and live out my life the way I would like to without constantly being in such a strife-filled environment.

Originally I wanted to come out sometime in the spring, close to the time when I'm expected to go on a mission, but the family and social pressure is becoming so strong to prepare me to go on a mission, soon I will be expected to turn in my papers. Every Sunday I have adults asking me "what are your plans for the future?" (why these adults have nothing more interesting to look forward to than to see the progress of the younger generation, I have no idea), and I respond "I'm going on a mission this summer" in order to shut them up. I can't wait any longer. And since my best friend's family supports me and has offered to let me live with them, I now have an out. The only thing that is stopping me is my wish to spend just the one last Christmas with my family.

Not only will my family be livid with me leaving the church, but my ward probably will too. As part of hiding my nonbelief, I've had to appear as though I am doing all the right things and responsibilities that I should be doing. That means blessing the sacrament every Sunday and accepting my calling as an assistant scoutmaster for the 11 year old scouts. I have already set a good impression on those young guys so it will be quite awful once they find out that I'm gone... and although this fear is probably irrational, I'm somewhat afraid that someone is going to take some kind of weird legal action against me for being an atheist teaching their young scouts. Like, accuse me of some terrible sexual thing I didn't do. I'd like to think that no one will be that crazy though?

So with coming out, here's what I will have to face:
-losing all support from my family, and my dad possibly wanting to harm me in some way
-possibly having to forfeit all of my possessions to my family when moving out, even my clothes
-the BSA coming after me in some way for (being coerced to) take up the position of scoutmaster even though I'm an atheist
-some mixture of lovebombing and death threats

Wish me luck with this! Things are going to be awful for a bit I'm sure, but I am confident that my life can only improve from here! I'm glad to be soon out of this horrible cult!

Be honest to yourself.
Nothing more a parent or friend can ever hope for or expect.
Be brave, you'll be fine.
We resigned yesterday, it was alright after all
I'm proud of you

You're very brave for taking this all on. Keep true to what you believe is right and know you have all of our support on this board!

As far as the BSA, I sincerely doubt anyone would be that insane so I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

You may get a lot of questions and guilt trips and efforts to bring you back to the church, but the best thing you can do is show them that you're still yourself and that you're happy without the Mormon church.

Good luck!

Your furniture has to stay in your family's home, but you should be able to take all of your clothing and other personal possessions. You might want to start moving things out now, bit by bit, so that it goes unnoticed. When you tell your family, you might want to have someone else there with you for safety -- perhaps your friend or your friend's father.

One thing that I want you to think about is that a couple of years is a lot to ask of another family to put a roof over your head. Despite good intentions all around, your stay there may not last that long. So have a plan B for if things start to go south. You can always find a roommate situation if worse comes to worse. You might want to put some money aside each month to cover that eventuality.

Good luck to you. You've been very patient with the process of leaving the church. Let us know how it goes.

Perhaps you need to move some clothes and personal items out quietly now just in case.

It must have been difficult to keep quiet so long.

These kinds of interactions can be uncomfortable but are almost always less extreme than the worst case scenarios we imagine.

You need to be brave and hold your head high. You're not the one who is deluded by a bogus belief system.

+1 for plan b. You may want to network around and find a place with 5 single guys or whatever so your rent will be cheap if plan A goes south.

You sound like an incredibly intelligent, resourceful and insightful young man. And very courageous!

I think you're doing the right thing because you're being true to yourself and you're thinking things through. It's great that you're anticipating and planning for sh!t hitting the fan... to me, that says you'll be alright... eventually.

Good luck on the 30th! I'll be thinking about you and cheering you on. :-)

I also echo the advice to start moving out your things bit by bit.

Make certain that you have your birth certificate in YOUR possession!!!

Ditto: Your high school diploma!!!

If you can, take your medical records (immunizations, etc.).

In addition: take your school records, achievements, yearbooks, etc. that you will want in the future (at some point you're going to want to show them to your spouse/partner, offspring, etc.)...family or other personal photos or videos that are important to you...anything which means "you" to you (a toy or book from your childhood, a special present your parents, grandparents, etc. gave you that was really important to you, memorabilia from family vacations or summer activities as you were growing up), posters or paintings that are meaningful to you...maybe the baby or toddler clothes that have been saved for you (my family was VERY big on these, and I am immensely grateful for certain things that I still have :-) ). If you have personal books or creative work that you want to keep for the future, make sure you get these things to a safe place too.

In other words: you are an adult now, and you are responsible for your own life and your own belongings.

I wish you the very, very best. You seem to be doing all the things you need to do in the best, most adult way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2013 12:41AM by tevai.

You are very brave and I wish you the best of luck. And it will be worth it to get out of there. Not having to fake anylonger is a great relief.

You've received some very good suggestions here. I would agree with summer and tevai about moving your some of your clothing and personal items a few at a time now. Looking for roomates as plan B also is a good idea, too.

This first year may be rough. The good news is your parents won't be able to claim you on their tax return for 2014, you will be independent, and this should open up additional financial aid for you in 2015. Whatever happens, stay in college and keep up with your grades.

You can obtain copies of your birth certificate and immunizations as well as transcripts so don't go to battle over those.

It may not be easy, but for almost 19, you sound as if you're organized, and you can do this. Forget about accusations until they're made, then wonder why adults don't have better things to occupy their time than beating up on a 19 year old. You'll get through whatever is thrown at you.

Inspite of the difficulties you'll face, this should be a time of incredible personal growth. Don't underestimate yourself. As others have said, you have a lot of courage. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and wish you all the best.