I read this forum a lot, but have not posted in a long time. I felt the need to share today. Please know that I am not writing this to complain or ask for sympathy or attention- it's just been a very interesting experience for me and I want to share.

When I first came out as gay and left the church about 5 years ago, it took a long time for most of my family to start wanting me in their lives again. They are definitely LDS and seem to love criticizing me. After several years, it was actually getting fairly cordial with many members of my family, but earlier this year I let them know I was planning to get married and all Hell broke loose.

We drove to California, got married, and I have truly never been happier, but my family has reverted to being very hateful and mean. Most of them have never even met M because they have not chosen to, but they all know we have been together for more than 4 years. They were pretty much accepting that I was going to be with him, and they were coming around a bit before the marriage.

However, now that I am married, my parents and 7 of my 8 siblings will not speak to me at all. Most of them will occasionally send me e-mails containing scriptures, quotes from the prophets, and other witty phrases telling me what a sinner I am. I have one sister-in-law who just loves to send me lengthy messages quoting Boyd K. Packer spouting off on his typical hate-filled messages of "love".

Well...I typically just brush it off and go on with my life the best I can, but just a few days ago, my sister secretly informed me that my family is planning an intervention to get me to change my ways. She doesn't know exactly what it will entail, but now, I don't know what to do.

I have tried to be nice and loving, but if they try to shame or embarrass me, I will not sit by and allow it. It's not something I want to do, but I've actually considered getting a restraining order against one of my brothers due to his constant attacks.

I have never asked them to support, encourage, or celebrate my lifestyle, but I did ask them to try and accept it because it will not change. Things were getting better and I was grateful, but it's gotten to the point where I don't know if I even want them in my life anymore. I know it's not easy for them, and I respect that, but it was not easy for me to live a lie for nearly 40 years.

Anyway...just sharing that makes me feel better. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2013 12:59PM by wendell.

Really sad to hear that. A restraining order sounds like a good idea. I think you will just have to start distancing yourself from you family. Personally I don't go to big family events. They are all Mormon and if I try to defend myself from the Mormon abuse, I'm seen as the bad guy.

That was nice of your sister to inform you.

She even attended our reception and brought two of her teenage daughters, although she was a bit uncomfortable at times. She is clearly one of the good Mormons.

hehe my spam code is mfeku.

Congratulations to you and your man. I am happy for you that you found love.

Perhaps overtime your family will again come around. Until then enjoy your lives together. It's you and him that count at this time.

let me see if i get this.

they would only be "accepting" if you have sex with someone you are NOT "legally and lawfully" married to....

okay then....

Tell your sister to share with your family that if there is an "intervention," you will be calling the police for assistance if necessary and that you will press charges.

Something similar happened to my sister and her ex-girlfriend. Ex GF's family staged some crazy intervention, yelling at both of them. When they tried to leave the house, the meat-head brother blocked the door to try prevent them from leaving.

If they are planning on really going through with this, don't engage in any contact or have any meetings with them. Your family sounds nuts. If they threaten you or try to keep you in a location, call the fuzz for unlawful detainment and harassment. You're adults and have the right to live your life how you see fit. If they can't tolerate (at the bare minimum) your life, tell them to kick rocks until they come to their senses.

+ infinity

These people who just happen to be related to you by birth are pretty hardcore and spiteful. I wouldn't hesitate to decide there's no place in your life for such hate.

Congratulations to you newlyweds!

I hope that your husband's family is more supportive, because the reaction of your family breaks my heart. I feel so bad for you. I agree with Summer, their idea of helping you with an intervention is unwanted and should not be tolerated.

Congratulations on your marriage. I hope that you have a lovely holiday season and a wonderful life together.

They are from Latin America and are staunch Catholics, but for the most part they are just fine with all this. Surprisingly, except for M's brother in law, they don't have the same level of hatred that my family does.

Don't stay where you are tolerated, go where you are celebrated! It's not worth it to keep relationships with people who deliberately hurt you. And it sounds like that's what your family is doing through their words and actions.

You've said you aren't looking for sympathy, well you have mine. I'm very sorry that your family can't see past this one portion of who you are and love you for just being true to yourself.

You may not want suggestions, but I'll give mine for the two cents that it's worth. It doesn't sound like to me, that these people are worth your time and energy. If you are in a happy committed relationship, then let go of your family and mourn their loss.

What they are doing to you is toxic. While you say you are brushing it off, you can only do that so long without it having real and lasting impact to you. If they are only communicating guilt to you and not love and understanding, then you do not need to keep those lines of communication open. Consider letting them know that if they can't accept you for who you are, that you will stop accepting any communication from them.

Also, I would not stand for any type of intervention on their part. You are legally married to someone you've been with for 4 years. That's amazing in any relationship! They should be congratulating you, not trying to split you up.

Please take care of yourself, be happy for yourself and let go of these toxic people who care more about the sex of who you sleep with than your happiness.

Why waste your life worrying about people that are too closed minded to see outside their stupid little cult Wendell?

All the best to the pair of you & have a great, cult free Christmas & happy future together.

You have my sympathy and support. What the HELL do these people think they can accomplish with a "family intervention"?

I wish you many good years with your spouse!

Same question here: What do they think they can possibly accomplish? This is bizarre and wrong.

I do love your BKKKP comment of "hate-filled messages of love." That about sums it up.

Have a nice Christmas. No worries. We, too, are your family. Turns out we are related. You only have to go far enough back.

That is sad and scary. Congratulations to you and your spouse on your marriage, and I agree that if any "intervention" is tried, you call the police. You might try asking your heterosexual relatives how easy it would be for them to change their sexual orientation by force of will, or because of an intervention. People are so stupid and mean, you don't need a family like that.

Congratulations to you and your husband on your marriage. I, too, can't imagine how you've been able to endure such abuse for four years. Thankfully at least your one sister sounds like a gem. (Just curious...do the rest of your family know that she and your nieces came to your wedding?)

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2013 03:04PM by blueorchid.

I have never asked them to support, encourage, or
> celebrate my lifestyle, but I did ask them to try
> and accept it because it will not change.



Send them this...... and tell them in no uncertain terms that they need to knock it off.....

Congrats on your marriage!

It would be the same if you "intervened" at a temple wedding, showing up unexpectedly at the temple door, and telling them "This is just wrong!"

The ironic thing about that is, if you did that, you'd be right, since not only the temple ceremony, but also the whole LD$ church is a fraud.

Your family's intervention plans (if true) are what's really wrong. They think they're performing some sort of "saving a soul" act, when in fact they're only causing heartache for you.

They might never come around to accepting & loving you and your husband. In the meantime, as cludgie said above, we are your family too.

My son got married in the temple a few months ago. Of course I went and sat in what I like to call the "Gay Dads" room just off the lobby. I thought my sister in law was going to have a coronary when she saw me walk into the temple. I'm pretty certain she was shocked that the doors would even open for me. The look of horror on her face was worth any and all apprehension I had about going.

Hello Wendell,

Glad to hear from you again. Glad you have found a mate and have a shoulder to lean on through all this. It doesn't sound like there is anything you can do with your parents and siblings except to wait for them to cool down, change their thinking, or wait until LDS, Inc. changes their stance so your family will come around. Don't hold your breathe on that one!

Anyway, I hope you have won over some of your children. As I remember you were hoping to have a better relationship with one of your sons. How's that going? You have my very best wishes.

California Sally (now moved to Midwest)

Thank you for asking about my kids. My oldest son, who served in Mexico, recently got married and is doing very well. I have two children serving missions currently - my daughter is in the midwest and my son (the one you asked about) is on the East Coast. They are both doing very well - my son has really come around a lot and we have a close relationship.
My two younger children are just wonderful - they live with their Mother, but I see them several times a week and we are very good together.

My kids are my life and always will be.
Thank you

We passed a law in NJ outlawing "therapy" to try to change gay sexual orientation. All states should do the same.

Congratulations on your marriage and on your life in general!

The idea of an intervention has me kind of blinking. An intervention is designed to stop some sort of bad behavior. What would they be hoping to change--your gayness or your legal marital status? Either way it's just nuts!

This calls for some distance, which I'm sure you already know. ;)

Secondly, I think you are VERY right in thinking it might be time to cut off your toxic family members. You know who they are. Perhaps you should let your sister (the one who actually lives the love and family values the Mormons preach) know that you will be quietly cutting off those family members who have been hateful but that you still love them and you appreciate her love for you as you are. Then block emails, facebook, etc. Return letters unopened or just file them in the garbage. Quit interacting with those who treat you so poorly.

Once again, I'm so happy for your happiness. May you and your husband have a long and joyous marriage.

We human beings are so afraid of things we are unfamiliar with. I know this thought will not make unkind words and actions magically disappear, but it does help us understand some.

Your being happy and kind in your new marriage and caring for your children will register with your family, but it will mostly likely be slow in coming. But I believe it will come. Truth wins out.

Wishing you much happiness in your marriage and with your children.

Congratulations-- to you and your husband. My nephew also married his long-time companion and is happy. I had to explain to my sister (his mother) that if she wanted him in her life, she needed to accept him and his husband. May you live a long and happy life--

Hi wendell. I echo the supportive comments above. I especially favour the suggestion to block emails from those who send you all the trash. You know their position and don't need to keep reading about it over and over.

Maybe you might have an opportunity to tell your family members about the recent turnabout with BY and the racist doctrine of the LDS church. If they would push one of their major prophets under the handcart (as one witty poster has characterized it recently) maybe the time will come when they will shove BKP off the cliff with his homophobic teachings that so many Mormons through the years have upheld. If his words are what your family is spouting and the LDS Church subsequently disavows him (and/or says "Evergreen Who?") how will family members feel about having hounded you, or shunned you, or failed to support you, or worse - depending on what the intervention is - based on Packer's words?

Congratulations to you on your marriage and it's great to hear about your happiness.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2013 04:17PM by Nightingale.

I agree with what was said earlier - CALL THE COPS!

If you are who I suspect you may be, we are related...

So, Let it be known that I have no quarrel with you or anyone you have betrothed.

So there.

Even without knowing who you are, I appreciate that. Hopefully we are related.

Have members of your local LGBTQ community on standby. Hell, have a whole Gay Pride Parade on standby. Offer free makeovers and twerking lessons. Don't forget the Brie dip and croustades!