I'm curious how other people have had their sexuality shaped by Mormonism?
I was sexually coerced by a member of household at 15 (which soon became rape), so anything after that I can't really unravel Mormonism v. all the other terrible things that happened to me.
But I remember my feeling after my first time. I had grown up believing that it was better for a woman to die than to lose her "virtue." Because my first time was coerced, I felt pressured into doing but he didn't actually threaten me or use force, he just told me I needed to do it and wouldn't let up until I gave in. But I didn't want to.
I felt devastated after it happened. I felt like my god hated me, and I would never be clean in his eyes again. I prayed and prayed and prayed for forgiveness but felt like it would never come.
To this day, even a year and a half after therapy, I feel unclean, like somehow there's something in me that just won't come out, ever.
Being sexually coerced would be a traumatic experience for anyone I'm sure, but I felt like I didn't say no so I was responsible. As one Mormon leader said:
"The victim must do all in his or her power to stop the abuse. Most often, the victim is innocent because of being disabled by fear or the power or authority of the offender. At some point in time, however, the Lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility for abuse. Your priesthood leader will help assess your responsibility so that, if needed, it can be addressed."
I didn't do all I could. I crumbled under pressure because he told me I had to. Nevermind, that eventually when I did start saying no he raped me anyway. I felt I had to "assess my responsibility" and that I had broken the most sacred law of chastity.
I still struggle with these issues.
I was curious though how other people's sexuality was affected by the church?
and wanted me to dominate them. Straight laced Catholics and evangelicals are like this (OMG I want pleasure, I'm so bad, please punish me) but with Mormons it's different somehow.
BTW, I'm so sorry hear your story. I have a friend who was Catholic who abused by her brothers when she was growing up and her family refused to believe her and thought she was making it all up.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/21/2014 12:31PM by anybody.
So sorry that you had to experience that lucyk. You were NOT at fault !! And remember that is a messed up, blame the victim quote from the cult!! My blood boils just thinking about the fact that you have ever been exposed to that ridiculous quote from those corporate asses.
My Mormon family split up and went inactive when I was a teen. I had depression and flunked out of school. 16-17 I discovered partying and it filled the emptiness. 17-19 I had a few flings, all ending poorly. Then I had an epiphany and changed my life, went back to church, and went on a mission. I always assumed that since I was chewed gum I'd find a chewed-gum girl to marry... ...but after my mission I ended up dating and eventually marrying a virgin TBM. When I told her I wasn't a virgin she cried and it took her a few days to get back to me on continuing to court. I felt so guilty I started feeling suicidal. She accepted my past, as long as we just let it go, and we kept dating. But I never forgave myself. I hated that I'd had sex. I felt tentatively condemned for it. I wanted to cut the damn thing off. I felt like I had some spiritual STD...and Mormon scriptures confirmed my fear by saying you can never get virtue back. It was too late, I had already lost it. I could never give this "virtue" to my deserving virgin wife. I had a major complex, and when we got married, I wanted to kill myself. It was one of the worst days of my life emotionally. When we had sex, I didn't feel it. I felt ugly, stupid, and dirty. I went along with marriage and sex dutifully at first. I didn't want to have sex but it was my job. I knew my complex was a complex and I tried to get past it. Funny, I didn't enjoy sex until after we had kids. I don't know why. I did start feeling it and getting into it a little, but then I'd feel guilty for liking it. I thought I didn't deserve to like it. I thought god took away the feeling for cause, and that Satan was trying to put it back for some evil plot to make me adulterous or something (ie, if you enjoy sex with your wife, then you'll want sex with other women). Well, so far I've never cheated (mainly because I do genital exams for a living and I have a non-representative view of what's out there). Speaking of which, my job was another hang up. When I trained to do genital exams, I envied guys with nice big plump long junk, and I felt guilty for even seeing female anatomy.
post. I have some family members who have been through some things similar to what you have. For one, feeling like once they lost their "virginity," they were worthless. Some of my siblings went inactive at the time because they assumed they were going to hell anyway. They still have some of these issues, too, even if they've been inactive for years.
One of my siblings was thrilled when I told them I no longer believed--because they could finally let go of their beliefs, too. My validating it for them was a big issue, though they still struggle because of mormon teachings about sexuality.
I think this is a much bigger issue--in situations like the OP and so many other situations. I know I have my own issues with sex and the mind-bending messages. I also married someone gay. Of course, we were a man and woman so all would be well . . . If that doesn't mess with your feelings of being female???