...whose husbands didn't get a vasectomy because of direction from the Church Handbook of Instructions™, you have my deepest and most sincere apologies.

I've seen first hand the damage this direction can bring to a woman and a marriage.

To think of all the miscarriages, medical issues, mental anguish, emotional distress and "unexpected blessings" of more children that this direction has brought about makes me ill. So much could be avoided with a few simple snips and couple bags of frozen peas.

I personally will be repenting of my past poor thinking in the very near future. Snip, snip.

I am a woman who was BIC and am in my 50's now (no longer a member) and I have never heard of this! Not getting a vasectomy is actually in the church's Handbook of Instructions?!! Unbelievable! Seriously...that is just inconceivable to me but then nothing SHOULD surprise me about the church anymore...But, still, I'm shocked...

I knew a evangelical baptist who got his boys snipped, and still managed to have a miracle baby with his wife. Well, the miracle lasted until the baby was born, and had certain features not found in either husband or wife. And so what if the child didn't match up with the father on the later paternity test. Do you expect the holy spirit, to have the same DNA as the father?

From pg. 167 of the CHI (2010) section 17.3.16

"The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. Surgical sterilization should be considered only if (1) medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health or (2) birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. Such conditions must be determined by competent medical judgment and in accordance with law. Even then, the persons responsible for this decision should consult with each other and with their bishop and should receive divine confirmation of their decision through prayer."

Oops- forgot the bishop part, and I guess I missed the prayer part. Oddly, a fair number of the men in my neighborhood (mostly LDS) have had the snip-snip, and are quite open about. The HP GL noted some years ago that when the church starts paying for his kids, they can start having a say in the decision.

... until TWO different doctors actually yelled at him that I was going to die if I got pregnant again. (Our last child was even conceived while I was on birth control) Even then, he dragged his feet about it.

A gynecologist in SLC told me that TBM women begged for hysterectomies so they would be out of the baby making business without sinning in the eyes of the church. Tragic.

My mother told us that we needed to talk to our bishop before my husband got a vasectomy because it was a sin to cut off his seed. I actually laughed. .. until I read it in the handbook. We decided it was NO one's business what we did.

I got snipped after 3 kids. Several years later during a temple recommend interview with the Stake Prez he asked me how many kids we had. I said "three." He asked how old the youngest was. I said "five years old." He then said "well it's about time to have another then." I shared this with my wife and she was not amused. This was one more straw that finally broke the testimony camel's back years later. To think we were guilted for only having three. That's a hell of a lot of kids for some couples people!

After getting divorced from my first husband, I knew I didn't want any other children, and was nearing 40 years old. I didn't want to rule out future relationships, but didn't want to have to bother with birth control.

So I had my tubes tied. About this time, I was "investigating" the church. I never told anybody I'd been "fixed.

Years later, when life surprised me by bringing a wonderful guy into my life and we wanted to get married, the bishop there startled me considerably by asking if we planned to use birth control. I didn't think it was any of his bloody business, but could honestly say, "No, that won't be an issue." I didn't see any reason to explain further.

Honestly - reproductive issues should be between husband and wife. The church does not need to poke its proboscis into the situation.

After I had 7 children I suggested my husband have a vasectomy. He said, "NO! I think it would hurt too much!"

Rolls eyes.

Gotter done a few days ago. Still healing up but anxious to go hog wild knowing with full confidence that I will never again be at risk of impregnating my hand.

On a serious note, I would have done it a long time ago, if not for the CHI. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb

A friend of mine came from a family of 18 kids, yes 18. Not unheard of in Utah but still sky high. A couple sets of twins in there as I recall.

Anyway, the dad wanted to have a vasectomy thinking 18 kids was enough. His wife wouldn't let him as it was against church thinking.

He did it anyway, She was pissed.

I would guess most TBMs have no idea about this.

My brother got one and he is more Mormon than Joseph Smith.

But like many things Mormon - what you don't know can't damn you.

When I was in my late 30's my marriage was not doing great and I knew I did not want any more children. I have 4 and that is enough. I went to my family doctor and he was disappointed as to what I wanted done. "You are still so young" he said. "I don't want any more children, I said" Big sigh..."well ok, I will refer you to an OB/GYN". I didn't go to the doctor to get his permission but it sure seemed like he didn't want me to do it. Of course he was Mormon. Of course,then I felt a little guilty but not enough to reconsider....

More teachings on Birth control:

"Those who attempt to pervert the ways of the Lord, and to prevent their offspring from coming into the world...are guilty of one of the most heinous crimes in the category. There is no promise of eternal salvation and exaltation for such as they... " (Joseph Fielding Smith, Relief Society Magazine, 3:267-368, July 1916)

http://www.mormonthink.com/glossary/birth-control.htm

None of their beeswax!
If and when and the number of children a couple has is none of their business.
I too was shocked this was in the handbook.
And this from the people who say it's Satan's plan to force people to make the right choice but HF's plan gives freedom of choice.

95% of LDS males aren't even aware that have a vasectomy is against the rules or that it requires special permission. I was very active LDS when I had my vasectomy, and it wasn't until years later that I heard that it was verboten. That shocked me, as I never heard anything about it in Sacrament meeting, Priesthood meeting, General Conference, or anywhere else.

So, has is your rank-and-file member supposed to know that they should not have a vasectomy?

Well, that must be knowledge only for the kinds of people who would actually CONSULT with the bishop about something like that. Who DOES that?

Good question. We were still quite TBM when my (ex)hubby had a vasectomy after our third child. It never even occurred to me to consult with the bishop. It just didn't seem like anything that was any of his business.

I'm not a Mormon, as my name implies, but my hubby got the snip, snip done. And my church has no policies in place about it. It's none of their business.

We priced it out and it would have been $2,000 for me to get e-sure (essentially tying my tubes) and $800 for a vasectomy. I told him it was his choice and he decided to be the one to get it done.

I have had friends who have had doctors give them a hard time about getting their tubes tied. I knew one girl who was married and had 3 children by the age of 25, despite being on several different types of birth control. She had to beg and beg her doctor, finally convincing him she was serious about not having any more. Another person was at a Catholic hospital and they refused for religious reasons. It's very frustrating when a couple has discussed whether they want more kids, come to the conclusion they do not, and medical professionals/religious groups give them crap about their decision.

Did you have insurance at the time? Most insurance plans cover 100% of the procedure now.

We only had to pay a $60 co-pay

I was the 1) exception to this. I had medical complications with my second pregnancy that made a third pregnancy a serious life and death (probably death) proposition. But I was the one who took care of things because DH was barely 30 at the time and I figured that I might die and he might remarry, easily a girl in her 20s and would want a couple of kids with her. Since I was the one who needed to be sure I didn't have a baby, it only seemed fair, even though it's more complicated for a woman to get things taken care of. Thank goodness I had a sensible bishop at the time - and yes, I was that brainwashed that we went to the bishop for advice. He said my kids needed a mother more than they needed a sibling and I should go ahead and follow the doctor's recommendations. I'm extremely glad I took his advice and put the kids I had first, before the church or any potential children I might have wanted.

Remember Job. All his children were killed. After his woes, he had more.

After the birth of my third baby I told my doctor I wanted my tubes tied. He was a very active TBM and told me I needed to ask my husband's permission. I just looked at him and told him that after having a husband who cheated on me during every pregnancy, I certainly did NOT need his permission and if he wouldn't do it, I'd find somebody who would. He did the procedure.

I later ended up having a hysterectomy because of a medical condition. You can bet I did not go back to that OB/GYN to get it done.

BTW, this was not in Utah.

My dad got one after my youngest sister was born (oldest of 4 here). He ended up being bishop a few years after that. No one ever gave him flak. We also had one of the larger families in the ward. Living outside of the Morridor has its perks. :)

I wish my husband hadn't had one. He got one at his ex wife's behest because she claimed pregnancy was "hard" for her. Then when they divorced, she had two more kids, bringing her total up to five with three different men.

My husband got the vasectomy reversed, but we don't have kids and I did want them. I've sort of come to terms with it, but it took awhile. On the other hand, my husband means more to me than being a mother did, so maybe it's for the best I'm childless. And the vasectomy also prevented him from having more kids with his toxic ex, so there's that, too.

Incidentally, the two kids he had with her and the one he raised (her first husband's son) no longer speak to him. Part of the reason they don't speak to him is because he left the church. I wish he'd had his kids with me. But I'd rather be married to him than have kids with someone I can't stand.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2014 10:40PM by knotheadusc.

This is what jarred my DH from being TBM. We were done having kids and he had the vasectomy. One Sunday during ward conference, our phychotic SP held up the CHI and told the men if anyone had one done they need to talk to the BP to start the repentance process. Also that it was unacceptable that marriage ages have gone up while birth rates have gone down in the area in the past 30 years.

We walked out of that meeting.

Of course we didn't talk to the bishop about it. Anyway, we left the church a couple of years later. I'm sure my TBM in-laws would be shocked, shocked to know what precious golden boy had done.

Wow. That is COMPLETELY inappropriate. These people are so perverted, butting into the sex lives of absolutely everyone on the planet. Don't have sex before you're married; don't have gay sex; don't masturbate; don't lust after people; don't get vasectomies. How the hell is it any of their business anyway? Revolting.