I went to one as a Beehive. I felt extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation. Right now in my area they are advertising this huge Daddy Daughter dance, and the girls are being taken by their moms to buy fancy dresses and getting their hair and nails done, this isn't just an LDS one, although there is one for them too.


But I am finding myself feeling extremely disturbed by all of it........

And then a friend in another part of the country just posted pictures of a daddy daughter dance she photographed showing a dad with 3 of his daughters gathered around and it just kinda freaked me out a bit.... I am not sure why I am feeling this way about it.

I remember I ended up taking my little sister because my dad had to flake out on her for some reason. Though I certainly felt weird being there, I didn't really think it was that creepy, just thought of it as something fathers did to give their daughters a good time.

My father wasn't a member and refused to go. So I went alone. Not one of my favorite memories.I just remember feeeling very self conscious and out of place.

I saw J.S.there with 2 14 years olds...oh those were wives....not daughters. I guess the teddy bears fooled me. Stupid me ..just not enough faith. Always my fault.....

...you bring up this one.

In my day the daddy-daughter "dates" were for the girls in the Lihoma program (the last 3 years of primary). I don't remember having them in YWs. But I hated hated hated them. They creeped me out even as an elementary-school aged kid. I'm sure it's because I never had much positive interraction with my dad and certainly never went anywhere alone with him, so it felt so forced and weird. I do remember once we danced with good ol daddy and it was awful. We didn't hug in our family or touch at all. The only time my dad touched me was to beat me. I didn't want to touch him.

But I remember that they always got "dates" for the girls who didn't have a dad living with them or who had an inactive dad who wouldn't come. I always wished my dad couldn't come so I could go with someone fun. But how weird it must have been for those girls who felt put on the spot because their dad wasn't there. Stupid f-ing cult.

was OHHHHHHHHH! I can't even describe WHY because even if my dad was mean, I didn't mind spending time with him. He wasn't always mean--especially to the girls in the family, but it felt WRONG to me. It was more of a DISCOMFORT of being around ANY MEN. Like NormaRae said--my daddy daughter date was in primary, not mutual.

AND I went with my grandpa because my sister was just a year older and she went with my dad.

BUT I had a really good time and somewhere there is a polaroid picture of my grandpa, Romeo (his name, which I love--so I just outed myself to anyone who knows my family), in one of those staged pictures where you put your heads through a hole. It is actually one of my good memories as it turned out entirely different than I thought it would.

BUT I've seen those chastity balls, etc., and something feels SO WRONG. My dad never treated us like we were his property or he was the keeper of our chastity. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I did see that attitude a lot in the LDS church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2011 11:06AM by cl2.

I didn't mind them. Lots of dads dance with their daughters at their weddings. I didn't see much of a difference. Mine wasn't a big deal; we didn't get our hair and nails done, we just wore Sunday best and had a fancy dinner. I thought it was fun to be grown-up.

Then again, I think I have the best dad in the world, so I didn't mind spending time with him. I can imagine as a church-sanctioned ("mandatory") activity for some girls it could range anything from embarrassing to heartbreaking.

I mean the reality is that the father is supposed to be the role model for who the girl ultimately looks for as a partner (minus the sex part.)

You felt awkward? I was raised Catholic and at my all-girl Catholic high school there was a daddy-daughter dance every year. Try feeling the awkwardness of being the only girl who doesn't go bc her father doesn't give a rat's ass about being a father (just one of the many things he couldn't bother to attend, btw.)

I remember them fondlingly....

Yes I do, and they totally creeped me out!!! I was the youngest of three daughters for a while (before my parents popped out some more.) So, my Dad would take my oldest sister, my Step-Dad would take my middle sister, & I would 'get' to go with the creepy home teacher! As I got older my Step-Dad started taking the daughters out on one-on-one daddy daughter dates, and I refused to go. Which caused some problems in the house. But something about going to dinner, a movie, and sharing ice cream with my step dad who was married to a wife 14 years younger than him didn't sit well with me. It just felt weird & creepy... like a set up for molestation. (even though none of that happened in my house.) I still didn't like and don't like the thought of dad's taking their daughters out on dates!!!

Actually my daughters' high school did Father-Daughter dances and ALL the girls at school absolutely LOVED it and it was one of my husband's favorite memories of his girls' high school years. All the girls got such a kick out of making their dad's dance around the floor with them. Not so weird, but just a good time. :)

AAAAHH! yes I remember those! I was like 11 and went with my (step) dad. It was SOOOO awkward!!!

I didn't know what to talk about with him. I mean, I love him and all, but we just got along better when there was someone talkative (like my mom) in the same room! haha.

Oh, and my bio dad heard about it later (from my mom) and got all pissed that he hadn't been invited. (he left the church when I was a baby).

My mom said, "Well you wouldn't have gone to it anyway!" and he goes, "well then you shouldn't have let her go with (stepdad)!"

I never understood the point of those daddy daughter things.

Family drama, awkwardness, and fighting....isn't it about time?

I so loved taking my daughters to these dances......some things I do miss....

The girls always seemed to have fun, no boys around (Dads don't count) and they could be themselves with their friends. The DJ would at some point play the Butterfly Kisses song and my teenage daughter would ask why I was tearing up! So happy with my daughters!

Actually we had "Daddy Daughter Dinner Date & Dances" in YW. While I was not thrilled, once we got there it was fine. But ours were fun, and we ended up having square dances, which was actually quite fun and not creepy.

My Uncle would call them and my dad would play bass and harmonica and we would switch off, we also had Barn Dances. I was embarassed, but it wasn't like a regular dance. I think it would be creepy had my dad been to the super saturday dances though.

My dad was cool and talented, even though he was mean too. I wish he were still around so my son could get to know him and see him play his old bass to Linkn park or something.....

I went to one that my old Girl Scout troop held. I was probably 9 or 10. He was fine and all, and we had a good relationship, but to me the whole thing just felt awkward.

But it is creepy. And no I didn't have a good relationship with my dad. He was very physically and emotionally abusive. But I still would have felt weird going to a dance with any adult male. I just think it is a bit awkward. I never went on Daddy daughter dates. I think spending time together is good, and building a good healthy relationship and trust....but calling it a date... I don't know... it is a bit awkward...

But that is just me I guess....... well not just me, there appear to be a few people who share the opinion. I just have seen to much sexual abuse in my friends and the media and the way some of the dances and events are advertised to be comfortable with it.

My daughters spend time with their dad and they go for walks and play sports and run errands, the same way I do with them. But nothing that would make it romanticized in anyway.

You don't see Mommy Son Dances....

Yes, I went to them. Where I grew up they were a once a year thing for the whole stake YW. It was never dances though, more like an activity night. It was called daddy daughters night. There was a dinner, socializing, and then a skit or musical act.

There was always a theme, one year the theme was the 50s, so a lot of the girls wore poodle skirts and the cultural hall was decorated with pictures of jukeboxes and stuff like that. It wasn't bad, the dads hung out with the other dads and us girls hung out with each other. So I never minded. For yw who didn't have fathers around usually one of her friends volunteered her own dad and she went to the activity with her friend and friend's dad.

I find these chastity balls where the father gives his daughter a purity ring disgusting. There is really something off about that imho. Whenever I hear stories or see pictures or see my girl students with these rings I automatically think incest. It would really bother me if my husband wanted to go to a prom with our daughter and give her a ring that she wears until her husband takes her virginity. Am I the only one who finds that disturbing?

I can see how you feel that way about the purity rings. I don't like the idea that the dad owns the daughter's purity, that just is all around weird.

That thing is about controlling your daughter's sex life. A daddy daughter dance need not be creepy in theory. But from what I read here it was creepy in practice.

We didn't go, probably because my dad was inactive. I remember feeling a little deprived, but my dad had a mood disorder and was always yelling, so I didn't really want to hang around with him anyway.

27 Oct, 1869 - Brigham Young preaches at Lehi, Utah that "by marriage Lot's two daughters were sealed to him, and will be his to all eternity." Young adds that it might one day become necessary to seals a man's daughter to him as a wife, "but it is not likely ever again to occur."

There are verified instances of LDS leaders performing polygamous marriages between men and their foster-daughters or step-daughters, but not actual daughters.

Where I live in the Midwest, the local YMCA puts on a father/daughter dance every year at different hotels. Both my DH and DD have a great time.

My folks were divorced (over the morg) and I missed going and was sad. I often thin it's so sweet seeing dad's and daughters dancing at her weddings. (Normal weddings where nomo dads are allowed). But this ole world is changing and we have to be careful anymore. SO SAD it has to be like that:(

I thought they were awkward. My father traveled for his work and was only able to attend one. Back then we did the "Foxtrot" and I remember how embarrassed I felt that I kept stepping on his toes. (Obviously, we never practiced at home.) I attended other Daddy/Daughter dances alone. For the life of me, I don't understand why I felt compelled to go alone to those things, nor why we were encouraged to do so.

I will cherish my Daddy Daughter Dance. I have a picture of me sitting on a motorcycle and my dad standing by. I wore a poodle skirt and him a leather jacket with Elvis hair! Ours had an oldies theme. They put up baby pictures of the dad's and we had to guess who was who.

I admit it was weird dancing with my friends fathers, but I didn't mind dancing with my dad.

My dad passed away 5 years ago, and though at times we had our differences, I will always remember the wonderful memories we had.

My friends daughters go to a private Catholic school and they do daddy daughter dances every year. Adorable pictures!

I do understand how it would be weird for those who had abusive fathers though.

My poor little girls had to go through the ordeal of being left out of the daddy-daughter activities, since their father ABANDONED them. The other divorced fathers would go to the party. One year, my daughters invited their grandpa, who happened to be in town at the time. The other years, we would go for a girls' night out, on that night, to their favorite restaurant, shopping, or to a movie of their choice. They would still feel bad when everyone else was making plans, and talking about it.

My own father and I were very close, without the interference of the church. we behaved more like pupil and teacher (he was a teacher by profession) than lovey-dovey daddy and daughter. I respected him too much to tickle him under the chin or cuddle with him on the dance floor. He was my hero, not my boyfriend. We used to ride our bicycles over to the neighborhood tennis courts, where he taught me to play tennis. He taught me how to swim and surf at the beach, and he would take me skiing and hiking, when I was barely able to walk. He was my world.

A dance with music isn't the best place for conversation, IMO, and of course little girls would feel awkward in a fake-romantic situation with a non-romantic partner. My father and I used to talk for hours, and I loved to drive out to the country with him to get fruit, just the two of us. But I did not want to spend two hours with him at a dance, and I know I wouldn't have been able to carry on a normal conversation in that situation. When I got older, Daddy talked to me about business, economics, science, politics, books, movies, everything. He was a brainiac and an athlete, and didn't even know how to dance, or flirt. We just weren't the type of people to role play, and to be ordered about and told what to do together. Knowing he was uncomfortable made me even more uncomfortable, and instead of getting dressed up and trying to dance with each other, we just did what whatever we wanted to do that night. Good grief! We never called it "date night."

Ha-ha, when the Mormon cult mandated the "Family Home Evening" program, my parents just laughed at it! They said, "We spend almost every evening together, as it is...so should we limit it to just Monday, now? Must we talk about only the church, and not about other things, such as homework?" My parents, even though we were from a GA family, even though he had been a bishop and she was the RS president, refused to bring a structured church program into their home.

The cult just doesn't leave people alone, to just be themselves. I don't like the way it interferes in marriages, either.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2011 04:41AM by forestpal.

Wow! I would have never thought this would generate so much "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!ishness". I have no daughters (3 sons) but whoda thunk so many of you didn't even like touching your fathers? That caught me totally by surprise. I have nieces that, to this day, will tackle me on sight. When they were younger and we were visiting, the whole fam damily was one giant dog pile.

I guess we were just more tactile than others.

Just sayin'...

ron

My "ewwwishness" is over how it was and is portrayed as a date and the primping and getting ready for said event. It is overly romanticized in some cases. The church one I went to we were in our pj's having a dance with our dads. I get father bonding time. I encourage that with my daughters and my husband, but things that are not romanticized etc. They play sports, read, run errands, tallk, etc.

You know someone mentioned the father daughter dance at a wedding and I think that is totally different than a "date night" with dancing etc.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2011 10:25AM by atheist&happy:-).

I always take my girls on a Daddy/Daughter Birthday date. It's a fun evening where they get to choose a restaurant, get dessert (something we don't usually do when eating out), then pick out their birthday ice cream and a birthday gift.

The local girl scout organization also plans a daddy/daughter dinner/dance each year and it is pretty popular. I have not yet attended one of these activities.

Our stake has NO activities for youth that involve parents so I can not comment on mormon daddy daughter activities.

I kind of vaguely recall dancing with my dad at some dance where it seemed like Dad was my "date" for the evening. Two impressions come to mind:

1) My dad is a lousy dancer and has no rhythm, which also explains his poor guitar playing.

2) Both of us would have much rather done our bonding on the back of his motorcycle, which is usually where our best daddy-daughter talks were (and still are) held.

I'm sure we were both uncomfortable with this weird forced intimacy when we had a good relationship -- built on the racetrack when I was younger -- in the first place. As an adult, looking back... the idea of daddy-daughter dances creeps me out. (Not the motorcycling. That's just good clean fun!)

Well I guess I look at dancing differently, it doesn't have to be a romantic guesture. It can be and IS fun! Swing dancing with my father to the oldies was a blast.

Last year my children's school did a daddy daughter beach party, and a mother son St. Patrick's dance. It was such a wonderful bonding time with my son! Sure when I first started dancing he naturally thought I was a big dork, but when he looked around and saw all the other moms dancing he got into it, and we had a great time.

It's sad that we live in a world where it's CREEPY for a dad and daughter to have a solid relationship (and NO relationship does NOT mean sexual, hello!). I for one enjoy the relationship I have with my children. When they open up and talk to me about something, or we laugh at a joke together, we're making memories. My goal is that my children will still want to be around me occasionally when they're adults, go shopping, movies, etc. Not have this wall between us like me and my mom do.

A few months back my uncle found a video that my grandpa had in his stash of movies after he died. My aunt and uncle had me come over to watch...it was a video of my wedding reception, of me dancing with my father...I cried. I would do anything to be able to dance with him again, but that I can never do.

Ours were called Daddy Daughter Dinner Dates and one of my best memories with my dad comes from one of them. My dad was inactive but one of the funnest dads around so all the girls wanted to be at our table. He would be silly and get everyone giggling.

They asked him to give a speech on being a father and I remember he apologized for his voice cracking because of his cold. He didn't really have a cold but was getting choked up talking about being my father. He was not one to get emotional in everyday situations and never told me he loved me. So that memory is one I cherish as the time my father not only showed me he loved me but also told me. That was the time I realized the reason he never said he loved me was because he WAS so emotional and did love me. If he had said it all the time, he would be crying all the time.

I love my dad.