I have never been romantically involved with a Mormon, or an ex-Mo for that matter before my ex, lets call him...Allen. We had dated for a little over a year, and I had to break up with him. I am a lapsed Irish Catholic, and there are some things in my church doctrine that confused him, just as well...everything about Mormonism confused me.
Reading through these threads have opened my eyes to Allen's "strangeness". He is a very sweet, loving guy, but I honestly think that this church has broken him.
Anyone else experience anything like this before?

Can you elaborate upon why you feel he was broken? I am interested because I will look for parallels with myself.

He couldn't tell me how he felt about me. He felt an incredible amount of guilt over anything he felt he did wrong. He didn't (doesn't) like to tell people no. He has an incredible temper, and after his outbursts, would apologize profusely. Hes never hit me, thank goodness...but still his temper scares me.
He doesn't have a good relationship with his father. He was adopted into the family at a very young age, and "Allen" got a vasectomy a few years ago, he doesn't want to bring a kid into this world. Which is cool with me, I got my tubes tied as well.
He is emotionally distant. I love him to death, but his guilt and his people pleasing and his indecisiveness just got the best of me. I understand guilt. I breathe it constantly. Catholic habits die hard. ;)
He just seems...lost. And very angry, but he doesn't know how to communicate his feelings.

Actually a list, to clarify:

He drinks too much.
It worries me, but I don't complain because he gets to work on time, goes to the gym, has a social life, and he doesn't make irrational decisions while drinking.
He eats too much
Too guilty
People pleasing
indecisive
temper tantrums
withdrawn
amazing in bed, but withdraws immediately after
passive aggressive


Again, I love the boy to no ends. But I can't handle this anymore. :(

Sex is the answer

When he is okay with the pleasures of the bed he'll be completely fine!

Sounds weird but it's true, moroni told me, and ever since then I have been sir laid a lot.

No more anger, no more guilt, able to say no.

All just from good ol forbidden fruit!

It's tough for you, but you could well have made the right decision.

Especially if you thought he might hit you.

When did you break up with him?

In common with your ex I have problems with:
People pleasing
indecisive
withdrawn
amazing in bed
passive aggressive

But it may just be my personality and my supreme physical dexterity. I'm trying to work on nearly all of these, and having gradual success.
Guilt is something that I know goes away if you are conscious of it when it arrives. It's like losing a bad habit.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2011 08:59AM by crossroads.

A man with a bad temper and poor impulse control is very bad news, Mormon or not.

RUN!!!!!

He has peripheral issues which don't help the fact that he can't receive full validation of his life outside of mormonism. Excessive drinking, of course, doesn't help anyone. If you think he drinks too much, then he needs to solve this problem before you can be with him. Did you ever tell him he drinks too much? He has possibly adoption isssues, leaving mormonism issues. Leaving mormonism effects a man's self-esteem and interaction with people. It's a right of passage to go on a mission. When a boy chooses not to, he is emotionally tossed to the wind and this is reinforced every time a gathering of mormons occurs in his life with mission talk and they will ask......where did YOU go on a mission? Attack, attack, attack. Just one perspective here, if you will.

You did the right thing to get out of the relationship!

The biggest red flags you mentioned were hid drinking too much, being afraid of his temper, and his emotional withdrawl.

It's always hard to give up the things you love about a person, but people come as a package deal (the good and the bad come together). My belief is that if there are things that seriously concern you about a person you are dating, those are usually magnified over time, and especially if you get married. And ESPECIALLY if those behaviors are red flags for an abusive relationship (and some of those things ARE signs that he could be abusive) . . . any kind of a commitment to that person could end up being dangerous to your emotional or physical well-being.

think about mentioning this place to him. We understand what he is experiencing. These problems are common. LDSInc really messes with your head. He may need to see a pro as well but we can offer peer support from people that have worked through these same issues.