Posted by:
angsty
(
)
Date: October 11, 2010 08:24AM
My suggestions are:
1.) Don't expect a live in babysitter/nanny. If she likes the kids and doesn't mind watching them here and there for a few bucks, fine. But like you said, if she's a student she's probably not going to have that kind of time or inclination. Don't reduce her to live-in help in exchange for room and board.
2.) Set very clear boundaries-- boys, drugs, noise, car, sleeping arrangements, etc. Make the family schedule clear. Set guidelines about noise, TV watching volume, whatever needs to be kept in mind to keep things running smoothly. If you need to, assign a bathroom time so that no one is late for school or work.
3.) Communicate a clear standard for cleanliness in the house. Make sure she agrees that it's not too much. Ask her to ALWAYS clean up after herself and assign her some kind of general cleaning job around the house-- ex. clean the bathroom once a week. That way she's not making any messes and she is contributing to the regular housekeeping that isn't anyone's particular mess in the first place. It helps if you already have a pretty standard routine in place.
4.) Agree on a time-line for her to start covering her share of utilities and food. In our experience, two months is generous. We assigned a spot in the refrigerator and sister supports herself food-wise. We divide household utilities by each person in the house and charge her for one person.
5.) As much as possible, figure out how to let her have as much independence as you can, without destroying family life. Set clear boundaries, but don't go overboard and be a control freak about it (I tend to do this, and it's not cool).
6.)As Susan I/S pointed out, get it in writing. Also, be assertive about stuff that comes up that bugs you. In a living arrangement like this, if you just let things fester, it sucks. Also, don't get in between festering issues between say, your husband and his sister. Encourage everyone to discuss issues respectfully and directly AS they come up, DIRECTLY with the parties involved. It might take some getting used to, but when everyone knows the deal, everyone can relax and be happy.