Katrina Galbraith Lawrence died giving birth to her sixth child last year... I knew her as we had gone to school and girls' camp together and she was in my stake growing up. I genuinely liked her, even after I left the church.

Anyway, I was talking to a mutual friend last week who told me that Katrina's husband began dating almost immediately after she died -- literally within a month or two! He started getting some nasty comments on his Facebook page about it, so he blocked them or closed out his page. His response was, "I have six kids that need a mom."

Just more proof that women are property and roles in Mormonism rather than people...

Well, in all fairness, he has six kids who need a mom. Including a baby. And he is obviously very mormon brained. I'd imagine he's lonely as hell and overwhelmed. I don't think it's necessarily any sign of how he felt about his wife.

Someone in my home ward died of cancer in her early 30s and also left 6 kids. She made it very clear to her husband that she expected him to find a good mother for her children and soon. He remarried 6 months after his first wife died. There was a girl in her 30s who had never been married who moved into the ward to be a school teacher. I was incensed. It felt so disrespectful to his first wife, even though we knew she wanted him to remarry. Her oldest daughter and mine were friends in high school when my daughter lived with my parents for awhile. Every time the other girl would say "my mom," referring to her step mom, I wanted to scream, "She is not your mom!" But she was. The youngest kids didn't even remember their own mother. And they went on to have 3 more kids. But the second wife was a great mom to all of them. The husband was the bishop for a long time. They have a really good family.

So perhaps your friend's husband is just doing what he knows his wife would want. And if he finds someone soon, I hope people give her a chance. That's a big task to take on.

I'm really sorry that your friend died. I know of two LDS men who proposed to replacement women before their terminally ill wives had even died (apparently with their wives' permissions). My TBM relatives thought it was romantic.

Unbelievable! Reiterates again that women are chattel.

My Mom called this a panic marriage.

Mormons you will admit are emotional. They freak out and marry the first warm body that steps in view. They marry too quickly after a mission, after a death and after a divorce.

My Mom did family law, and providing divorces after panic marriages was a staple of her practice.

Somehow people think it will all be alright as long as they marry a TBM, any TBM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2014 12:00PM by crom.

He needs to hire a nanny, not date women to become the new mother of his kids

I think you have to look at his point of view. He's not trying to disrespect his deceased wife. He knows he has to move on or he will probably go crazy. Seriously.

I have been through this first hand. My mother died due to childbirth complications when I was young. My dad was devastated and wanted to give up but he had children to think of. He looked into hiring a nanny but there was a problem with her visa. A couple months after my mom died someone lined him up with a teacher at the local school. We knew who she was and she had known my mom. How weird is that? It was probably weird for her, too. They fell in love. They were mature adults and I don't think there was much of a point in them having a long engagement. They got married less than eight months after my mom died. For the two youngest she was the only mom they ever knew. I should have called her mom but I was too stubborn to do that. She more than earned the title. You don't have to give birth to children to be their mother. Her parents were the best grandparents anyone could ever have. It's too bad a couple of my older siblings didn't always appreciate her.

I also have a friend whose wife went through a horrible battle with cancer. He saw her through everything and could not have been more devoted. He got married about a year after she died.

People who aren't in his situation shouldn't judge. He has 6 kids, which includes a new born while taking care of a household and providing financially. In my family, there are very clearly defined roles -- that makes people less independant in marriage. My father hasn't ran a washing machine in 40 years, and my mother hasn't made money for the family in 40 years, even when my father's food storage went bankrupt in the 70s. If they are like my family, he probably feels lost and overwhelmed having to do all these new tasks his wife used to take care of.

You never know, he might have had a deep discussion with his wife and decided he should marry if she died.

Might want to encourage them to work on that. Since my dad died, my mom has been highly challenged trying to figure out how to handle "his" stuff - cars, computers, finances... It would have helped if she had at least talked to him about it and watched occasionally. If it had gone the other way he would have lived on Wendy's chili and canned soup for months.

When a spouse dies, it is up to the surviving spouse as to when he/she starts to date again. It is simply nobody else's business.

Period.

+1

I agree.

Why is it assumed that women can cope on their own but men can't? Men aren't expected to sacrifice their careers for the good of their children, but women are.

Maybe it just comes down to the fact that it is easier for LDS men to find a replacement because there are lots of surplus women. It kind of teaches their own daughters that women are interchangeable though.

just after giving birth. She had an aneurysm burst. They had 5 kids total, close in age. Her husband was such a great guy. He tried to stick it out here for a while, but ended up moving to be closer to family in Wyoming. He did remarry about a year after she died. I know the family needed it.

The problem is--a family member's husband remarried A MONTH after she died. The new wife was abusive--very abusive--to my cousin's children. Some moved in with grandparents and one ended up in foster care (which turned out well actually). Those kids have suffered endlessly because of their step-mother.

You NEVER know how things are going to turn out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2014 01:14PM by cl2.

sad :(

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think it is INCREDIBLY disrespectful to not wait at least two months or more. Surely we can all agree on that. That isn't even enough time to mourn yourself, much less help your six children grieve.

And knowing her personally, I know she did not have such a conversation with him. In fact, she used to joke that there was no way in hell she would share him with polygamous wives for eternity.

You would think there would be some grieving time, some putting things in order time, before he would even think of dating.

Good for her that the church is a load of rubbish and she'll never have to share him. Shame on the church for making women worry about such things in the first place.

If the wife-mom had enough life insurance.... hub would have been able to vet/hire a nanny, irrespective of the "Respect" issue.

He could have chosen to retain a nanny (male/female) after dating, re-marrying, or just FWB.

My wife and I have talked about this, they are after all her children. I can only imagine the pain that a child would go through losing their mother, and I would imagine that it would get worse if they felt that their father was trying to replace their mother. If my children lose their mother the last thing I want to do is ignore their trauma and think only of how hard it is on me.

Our plan of attack, which could obviously change given the emotional nature of the subject, is this. I hire a sitter while at work. I help my family adapt to the new reality. Then when the time feels right I consider the possibility that there might be someone else out there for me.

Her plan is different since she works at home, and since my life insurance is larger than hers. Her plan is to seek comfort from god and hope that god sustains her in what she is sure will be a difficult time. She agrees it is wrong to the children to try and force a new daddy on them, but she is willing to let god dictate the terms.

"Just more proof that women are property and roles in Mormonism rather than people..." - YES and some women are stupid enough to go with this guy.
Women, we can't blame everything on as*shole men! If we are willing to go with someone with 6 kids just because they need a mom for their kids, Please don't whine about how bad men are.

I'm not saying this d*ick is any saint (pun intended), and he should have had a vasectomy years ago, but I imagine some women are throwing themselves at his feet. BARF BAG TIME!!

I haven't been married very long, so maybe my opinion is that of a non-experienced spouse, but I don't think I would want my spouse to remarry RIGHT away if I died. I would feel that it would not be fair to my memory. I don't want to judge those that have gone through that, it just boggles my mind that you could be in love with someone and remarry a month after they die.

I don't like to think about it, but I wouldn't want my spouse to be alone forever. I would want them to be happy.

I think another issue is marrying someone you barely know when you have children. You have to be SUPER careful bringing an adult into your child's life. Isn't true that most children are abused by someone they know?

To me, the fact that children are abused by people they know is a reason why it's crazy to marry someone one barely knows especially if they have children. It's not just sexual abuse, but physical and emotional abuse as well that children often endure from a step parent or someone else that their parent brought around them. Some of those Disney princesses that Mormons obsess about even as adults, had evil step mothers and step siblings.

To me, this also shows that in Mormonism, women are nothing but chattel that can be easily replace if they die. The sickening thing is that Mormon women are so desperate to get married that they throw themselves at a young widower with children.

I completely agree adoylelb!

I am a recent widow so I have a voice re widows/widowers...

The average widower remarries within a year. This has zero to do with religion.

"it just boggles my mind that you could be in love with someone and remarry a month after they die." - the reason this boggles your mind is because the remaining person DIDN'T just fall in love one month after the person died......think about it. The new spouse was waiting in the wings for the other one to die.

My mother had a man asking her out when his wife was in the hospital dying! I called him so many names, he will NEVER forget me (especially since 90% of the names I called him began with "F*cking ....") and I was real loud about it. I imagine that some days he still cringes when he thinks of me.....Oh I hope. And I hope his guilt trip NEVER ends.

It all happened when my mom was barely a widow, 7 - 8 months after my dad died. She would rather have been murdered than go with a slimeball like this guy.

We've all heard the jokes about "Ambulance chasers?" Well there are also "obit searchers." SICKENING!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2014 04:28PM by verilyverily.

I am male and was widowed at 42 with 3 children. I re-married almost 4 years after my wife's death. I dodged a few bullets. There are women, LDS and otherwise, that are attracted to widowers. Possibly, the women believe we are martyrs or need to be rescuers. There were many divorced women looking for a normal family man.

My wife did not have children and was taken back with the difficulty of being an instant mom. She has fully embraced it now but it has had its moments.

I would not be so quick to judge this man. The woman has a mind of her own.

I knew a family in SV Wyoming that had 10 children. The father died 3 months before the youngest was born.

The mother raised all the kids be herself and didn't remarry until the youngest had graduated from high school and started his mission.

She is an amazing women and has an amazing family.

I've actually seen this A LOT in widowers. I knew a man who was happily married for 30+ years when his wife was killed in an accident. He remarried in under a year.

He was devastated when she died, but admitted she just wasn't coming back. He could love her, and grieve that she had gone, but still move on.

I think that as a woman it would take me longer, but I can't judge others in this situation. I do know that it is fairly common for men to date/remarry quickly after their spouse dies.

The judgment here is disappointing. Until you are a widow or widower maybe your opinion should be kept to yourself.

My grandson's wife died suddenly in a car accident. He has 5 children 9 and under. He is struggling because of his heartbreak. He loved/loves his wife deeply. Family are helping him. No way a man who truly loved his wife would be shopping for a new one in a month or two. He is young and no one knows what the future will bring. But a quick marriage? I don't think so.