Posted by:
dogzilla
(
)
Date: March 24, 2014 02:18PM
As I read through that, I thought of countless examples where the opposite was true; by that I mean, that advice applied to the man in the hetero relationship, not to the woman.
1. "I need you to make me feel like a big strong man."
And I need you to make me feel like you respect me enough to let me put the IKEA bookshelf together by myself. Or to kill my own spiders. Or open that jar. Whatever. I am capable too. It's not fair to be expected to play helpless and dumb just because you have low self-esteem and poor self-confidence. And does a man with healthy self-esteem and confidence need a woman to prop up his ego by pretending she can't lift the groceries? I think not. I think most men would just as soon respect their partners as equal human beings. I don't want my BFs to fix stuff around my house; I want to learn so I can do it myself and become more self-reliant. Why wouldn't any man want to encourage that attitude?
2. "Yes, I was checking out that woman."
A. No secret here. And B. Yes, I was checking out that man. How about, instead of pretending that neither of us have a sex drive and that 100% of our needs are met by the other, we acknowledge that we are visual creatures and do not stop being attracted to other people simply because we are in a committed relationship. That said, we respect each other and our commitment to each other and if fidelity is part of that commitment, then I still see nothing wrong with looking. There's no reason to lie and obfuscate.
3. "It's not that you look fat in that dress; it's that they all look the same to me."
Fair enough. I wish you'd take more interest in your appearance, because, frankly, the jeans and t-shirt look is rather embarrassing to be seen in public with after a certain age.
However, I don't wrap my identity or sense of self-worth around your opinion of how I look. If you are not attracted to me, you're free to leave the relationship. If you are, then I am not so insecure that I need to be told every five minutes that you like my butt. I don't even ASK men's opinions about my clothing or my shoes (because they either lie because they think it's a trick or they tell you what they think you wanna hear because they want to get into your pants) and I never, ever try to make a straight man shop with me. In fact, I don't even like shopping with other people. I am a lone wolf shopper. I like to quit when I feel like quitting and I don't want to be dragged into four more stores either, when I'm tired and hungry and bored with your quest to find purple sequined pumps. I guess I'm too selfish to team-shop.
Furthermore, I would NEVER ask if something made my butt look big. I'd be delighted if I thought it did. I'm built like a 14-year-old boy; telling me I have a nice butt is one of the best compliments you could deliver. I am infinitely more likely to ask "Does these pants give me pancake butt?"
4. "Making love is great, but let's just have sex on occasion."
You bet. Right back atcha. This is neither a secret nor exclusive to the male gender. Sometimes there's nothing better than a good hard fuck.
5. I have particular sexual fantasies."
"No, shit, Sherlock, WE ALL DO. Again, this is neither a secret nor exclusive to the male gender.
6. "Sometimes I'd rather you be quiet."
And sometimes, it isn't the woman who is a nonstop chatter box.
Once more, this is neither a secret nor exclusive to the male gender. This is just the bullshit stereotype that women never stop talking and that men are NEVER Chatty Cathies. (My apologies to anyone named Cathy.) I've dated more than a few men whom I wished would shut. the. hell. up.
And no, me being quiet doesn't mean something is wrong and I'm mad at you and passive-aggressively trying to guilt you into reading my mind. When I'm quiet, it's because I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm thinking, or I just don't feel like talking. See above.
7. "I lie to keep the peace."
This is neither a secret nor exclusive to the male gender. It's also extremely disrespectful to do that rather than being honest with your partner and trusting and respecting them enough to work through the differences, rather than just lying to shut down the conversation. That's shitty, controlling behavior and I'll tell a dude to pound sand if I catch him doing that.
8. "I wish you took better care of yourself."
Oh, no, you did not even.
ALL women in committed partnerships have "let themselves go" and are now fat cows? A hearty fuck you to whomever wrote THAT crap.
With the exception of the martial arts instructor, I spend more time working out than anyone I have dated in the last 15 years. Most men my age are bald and paunchy and I CAN LIFT MORE THAN THEY CAN. Because I work out. A lot. I am ripped. Why don't YOU take care of YOURSELF?
The other thing this does is encourage objectifying women. Because, see, we are worthless cows unless we "take care of ourselves." We can't be smart problem-solvers or excellent budgeters or wonderful mothers; we are only as valuable as our fuckability/attractiveness factor. The double standard here is despicable and vile. I am disgusted with how 90% of men refuse to take care of themselves, but this is some big secret MEN don't want US to know? Nonsense.
Finally, if dudes really do think this way, then they can care for their own children long enough to give their wives sufficient time to A) cook with healthy foods B) get plenty of sleep because circadian rhythms are tied to metabolism and C) get plenty of exercise. Oh we don't have time for all that because we have a bunch of kids and we both work 10-14 hour days? Then let's rethink our lives, our priorities, and our schedules because it's not really fair to expect a woman to bear all your children then then look like a supermodel right then and forever after. Men don't still look as awesome as they did in their 20s; it's unreasonable to expect women not to age or their bodies to change with motherhood.
9. I don't want to do all the dirty work.
This is neither a secret nor exclusive to the male gender. And I confuse this one with number one. Did you want me to pretend I'm helpless so you can feel like a big man, or did you not want to do all the dirty work. Because now I can't really tell anymore. How bout instead, we drop this stupid chores-divided-by gender thing and, oh, I dunno, either each pick what we like or do everything together as a team or something else that doesn't involve mind-reading and hidden, secret resentment?
10. We're struggling financially.
And that's my fault how, exactly?
I'm excellent with money. I work hard. I save. I invest. I have an outstanding credit rating. Most of the men I've dated in my adult life have been very poor with money. So, one more time, this is neither a secret nor exclusive to the male gender.
I'm pretty fired up about this article, obviously, because it just reinforces so many negative stereotypes and perpetuates really strict patriarchally dictated gender roles. I fail to see how this is productive or useful to either gender and also, it was heteronormative, so... I call this as a waste of pixels and bandwidth. But it was really fun to pick apart. I hope nobody reads this thing and takes actual life advice from it. Yikes.