I'm here at work reading rfm and a TBM co-worker (who is in my ward) just walked up to my desk and he might have seen the screen. Crap I hope he didn't, I'm not ready for people to know about my disbelief.

At the very least he could get me in "trouble" for reading anti stuff. Although if that happened I'd just have my name removed before I'd let myself get subjected to any church discipline.

Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.

Haven't been outed by RfM, but I was on NOM once when TBM DH walked into our computer room and wanted to know what "New Order Mormon" was. I explained that it was a site for people who had questions about the church. At NOM, the logo is big and you can't hide it.

He told me that the stuff on the Internet was all "lies." Right. I'm on RfM a lot now and I am grateful there are no big logos blarring right on your screen.

If he comes into the computer room, I quickly switch to MSN or a pre-selected "article" that I'm "reading." Hee Hee Hee!

I have not been outed but I did find out that my brother has been coming here as well. Thought I was the only one in the family having doubts. Guess not!

Get a screen shield that keeps your screen from being seen except for straight on.

Ana

You were on here as a TBM taking umberance with with the horrible false stuff people post about Joseph Smith. Infact hopeful NOM were sick of you coming on here defending the faith, calling us to repentance, confounding us with your doctrine whilst we merely spit vile unfounded rhetoric hoisted upon Satan's puppet strings.

I can see you being called as Chief RS president, and if women get the priesthood, the first called by god based on your valence.

Confound your righteous ways!!!!

haha yeah that's why I'm here ;)

My wife has seen RfM on the screen several times as she passes with not an issue, because if you don't actually read the text it doesn't scream anti at all, it looks like any message board.

I hope that my coworker didn't notice it either! You can't really tell unless you notice the exmormon.org url...but I don't think he was reading my screen.

Actually I'm a little sick to my stomach right now. I think I must have left rfm on my tablet, and left to take the kids to baseball practice. When I get home hubby won't look at or talk to me. He wouldn't eat the dinner I made. When I tried to ask him about it, he just kept saying that he had nothing to say to me. It's been 3 days and nothing. Durring family prayer last night he prayed for everyone except me.

Gawd! Im just a little bit at the end of my rope right now and don't know how I'm going to deal with this right now. For now I'm just letting him throw his fit. But believe me.....he is not going to handle this well, and will be punishing me for a very long time. Last time he was 'punishing' me we stopped having sex. Its now been about 4 years since we have.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through closer2fine! That's got to be hard.

I hope that you and your husband will be able to talk about what's going on soon.

That is crazy! Don't wait...confront him with your questions.

Wait, your husband withholds sex when he's mad at you? He's getting it from somewhere ... Call him out on this.

Nah, he's just spanking the monkey.

I hope you are getting some help with this from counseling. His behavior is not normal. The business about not having sex for four years is really a red light about something going on in his own life. I think most men would agree that unless the spouse is obese or having serious health problems, there is something that is not right with the husband.

Seriously you compare being obese to having serious health proms as a deal breaker for having sex THEN have the nerve to say there is something wrong with the husband? Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? If my husband was that shallow I'd gain 50 pounds just to lose him.

Your husband is a sadistic asshole. So, when is someone going to call him out on his bad behavior? I'm assuming he's older than two, even though he's not acting like it.

What he's doing is way worse than you reading RFM. Don't forget, you teach people how to treat you. You've been teaching him that he can get away with emotional abuse.

That is so sad! I think maybe you two should consider counseling because if it gets much worse....

I'm guessing maybe you have kids you stay home with? Might think about taking a class or two while they are in school. If you could get certified for a career - real estate? Phlebotomist (draws blood), plumber, radiology tech, dental technician, OSHA trainer - whatever interests you, I think you would have a lot more confidence to negotiate for more fair and reasonable treatment. If you have a skill, and he knows you can just walk away, he may be more reasonable. And if he isn't, you can leave and look for someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

"I think maybe you two should consider counseling because if it gets much worse...."

This is often suggested. But I don't think there are too many cases where counseling helps in the cases like this. An LDS counsellor would advice for the couple to "pray more" and for the non-TBM spouse to participate more in TSCC activities to "compromise", while a non-LDS counsellor would suggest the TBM spouse to allow religious freedom for the non-TBM spouse. When a spouse is truly a TBM, the latter is not an option, and the former often is not possible because simply their awareness of the fact that the spouse doesn't believe in TSCC is sufficient grounds for being upset and for levying various "punishments" such as withdrawing intimacy.

The only thing that has any chance of helping is to somehow manage to introduce sufficient seed of doubt by carefully bringing up the most troublesome aspects of TSCC.

But, alas, often that does not work, either. There often just are no avenues to resolve the situation, other that to dissolve the relationship if one's not willing to live without intimacy for the rest of one's life. :-(


(edited to fix a typo)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2014 04:53PM by Facing Tao.

Thanks everyone. I've sort of been biding my time also. My situation is complicated. Our kids are very young, and as long as we can get along well.....which for a while we have actually been getting along wonderfully, (Minus a real intimate relationship) I'd like to keep things intact. And yes, right now I stay home with the kids. But if he is going to make a point of freezing me out, and I really fear that he will majorly demonize me to the kids (this is what his evil mother did with his dad) then I won't stand for it. I'm just terrified about the upheaval this is going to bring on.... Honestly it just sucks because, even with all our problems, we have still been great friends and I've built a family with this man. I love him in so many ways, but I know how he functions, and I know how I am about to be on the receiving end of his revenge full punishment. Gawd living in all my closets is really taking it's toll. (Yeah yeah, im lesbian too) anyway.....I'm just glad I have this place to vent and cope.

Next time you exit a room with him in it, dust off your shoes.

I thought it might happen when I first joined this forum...but there wasn't much chance of repercussions and then I decided to go "all in" and use my real name and general location because no Mormon reading anything I post here is a threat to me or my family.

Ron Burr

I hope to find family here. I try to use my screen name in phone conversations (means all done in Hawaiian) Just in case they have ever been on here they can make the connection. Except it's pronounced all-pow... I'm not sure they'll figure it out. I don't want to push them, I just want to be here when they leave the church.

Hahaha. I thought it was pronounced all-poo. As in all-sh!t.
Learn something ever day.

Lets put it this way- If he recognized the site just from the graphics and wasn't close enough or quick enough to be able to read anything, you may have an ally.

If you want to be really, *really* sure that no Mormon can ever find out what you are reading, take the following steps:

1) Get rid of your computer screen (but keep your computer).

2) Enroll in a class that teaches people how to read braille (you will learn to do it by sight; such classes are offered for those who want to become braille transcribers or proofreaders).

3) Purchase a 20-cell braille display (about $2000), a 40-cell braille display (about $4000), or an 80-cell braille display (about $8000). You will also need to purchase JAWS or other screenreading software to make the display run with your computer (about $800).

4) Plug in the braille display, load the software, set the software's speech capabilities to not load at Startup, and then begin typing and reading away.

Very few people, Mormon or otherwise, know anything about braille. So relax! You could have Thomas Monson and Boyd K. Packer looking over your shoulder, and they wouldn't have a clue as to what you were actually reading--they would just think that you were playing with your dots again!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2014 03:57PM by blindguy.

I don't think Boyd would approve of you playing with your dots.

Follow the example of your church leaders in matters that are uncomfortable. LIE LIE LIE

Lying for the Lord is not a sin and lying about TSCC's Lies is not a sin.

So say we all.

Some of my TBM family members lurk. Hi y'all.

Many of us are "church widows/widowers". :->

We should start a "spouse exchange service" where we could trade spouses so that TBMs and non-TBMs would be matched! ;-)

+1

Just need a good name for the service! :-)

Hopeful - I'd be more concerned as a co-worker that you were on this site at work. Not because of the site but because you were supposed to be working.

RfM could stand for anything - Reach for Money, Righteous M*ther F*ckers! You get the point.
Without actually reading the screen, who'd know?

"Durring family prayer last night he prayed for everyone except me." - closer2 - did your kids notice you were left out? Tell DH that you will not tolerate stuff like this in front of the kids and that he better tell you what is wrong. Put his clothes in a garbage bag on the front porch while he is at work.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2014 11:18PM by verilyverily.

"cagirl not logged in" - you are right. If that was how to get rid of a husband like that, I'd gain 50 pounds just to kiss his sorry ass goodbye.

Closer - I'm sorry to hear of your situation. My wife and I were mostly inactive for about 6 years, a couple meetings a year. I haven't attending in about 3 years and my wife was successfully reactivated about a year ago. She knew I had a few concerns about TSCC, so she hasn't pushed the issue.
Last summer I stopped wearing my magic underwear. My wife took it pretty hard for a few weeks, and was hurt by my decision. She made a few comments like 'but we're married'.
It has hard for her to seperate TSCC and us. I had to work hard to show that I was still commited to us. As long as TSCC gets left out of conversations there hasn't been too many issues.

Hopefully with a little time things will start returning to some kind of level of normal.