I vent this out with a face palm.

My TBM in-laws are in their early 80's.

They've followed the morg script to a T. Married young, tithe payers, callings, you name it.

Today they are broke, with zero retirement, living hand to mouth. All the years of magical thinking self-talk ("blessings come after the trial of your faith", or "the Lord will bless in mysterious ways, etc) didn't work for them.

But critical thinking about the reality of their situation will NEVER, ever take place in their own brains.

They both did zero college. Zero financial planning (what's that??). And have had zero interest in "worldly" things. Oh..except for Obama stinks and who BYU is playing in FB.

FIL wears a different mis-matched collection of D.I. clothes everyday. Every conversation starts about the church, or about this brother or that sister. Or what family history errand he's running to downtown (SLC).

Both can't stop talking about how blessed they are. Other siblings talk about their unshakeable testimonies.

What's weird is...they almost relish in their piety. What oozes off them is: "after all...this life is but a blip, the real blessings will come in the next life, in eternity"

FIL was 22 when he got married, MIL was a few days shy of 18.

Had 8 kids, all spaced 18-months apart. All 8 kids were birthed by the time MIL was 30 years old.

I married the baby. (For years when my DW and MIL went places, they'd always get comments about how they looked like sisters).

We left the morg recently (12-18 months ago, the entire family). Yet, we're the only ones helping them financially. Bluntly, if it weren't for our financial help, they'd be toast.

Over the years this has included: cash, trips, gift cards, cars (insurance, yearly renewals too)

All other siblings are TBM and don't offer a dime.

We do it because: we can and they're my freaking wife's parents.

From time to time we hear what goes on in their ward as we have an acquaintance there.

My MIL got up during last month's testimony meeting and it was all about how they had this $95 bill arrive that was unexpected. And how she reached into her pocket and found $100 bill.

I PUT IT THERE when they were here last!! (Who else would have!?)

But to MIL, it was a miracle and a reminder how the Lard watches over and blesses those who are obedient. She even said how nice it was to have $5 left over so her and FIL could get ice cream cones (I'm surprised she didn't first give the bishop $10 for tithing...hell, she probably did!)

They will be showing up in approx 30 minutes from now. We invite them to come over weekly to help out in the house and yard.

What will I see at the doorstep?

Two people in their 80's who have the intellect of 16-year olds.

Two people completely comfortable being takers in this world (last week MIL made sure to place the car registration renewal on our dining room table...for the car WE GAVE THEM)

Two people completely comfortable in their piety.

Two people bought and sold down the river, ground into powder with their very humanity stripped from them - tired people.

Two people who'll look for any hint of a garment smile when I answer the door, then look flustered when it ain't there (you can see it in their faces!)

Two people who feel soooo blessed to be able to come to their daughter's home every week to eek out the money they need to make ends meet.

But they are soooo blessed to have the gospel in their lives.

ALL OF THIS IN THE YEAR 2014!

Now I'm done. Face palm.

Hopefully they are respectful in all your generosity?

Their putting the registration on the table for you seems a bit like "attitude of entitlement" at this stage.

Its a shame they gave all to the church and feel delusional that God is taking care of them. They truly were blessed by YOU and your wife.

Wonders what faces they would make if around the dinner table you said..."By the way, an apostate put $100 in your pocket that day."

RMM

I would also like to suggest that you tell MIL you heard about her FP story and that YOU were the one who put the money there. I'd spread that far and wide to all (I admire your humility the rest of the time but it can take a vacation just this once).

I'm serious about this. Give all the TBMs in their lives pause about where their help is coming from....an exmo.

You'd be doing much for the "cause" in their lives and in general.

This will be my parents once they can no longer work. Everything blown in and on the church, nothing saved because they didn't need to (Jesus is coming after all). The only difference is that they were so abusive that none of their kids want contact with them. Even the ultra TBM super family oriented sister of mine avoids them at all costs.

Sounds just like my in laws. Eight kids, married young, no college education, father was unemployed for years, mother had to work to support the family, live in unsanitary conditions (Utah county), whine about Obama and govt. handouts, and take social security and use medicare. Total TBMs. Now they are in their late 70s and their plumbing blows up and the wife and I fork over $5K to re-do the entire plumbing.

There are things in life I don't "get". This is one. People who can see what their choices have done to them yet learn nothing from the consequences of those choices...

I once had a bishop tell me that once Satan has you under his power he can have you believing just about anything. In fact, he said, you can be slamming your hand with a hammer and Satan can have you believing it's the right, good and pleasurable (blessed in your TBM in-Laws case) thing to do.

If people put 10% into their retirement accounts instead of giving it to the church, they'd have plenty saved up for their retirement years. It really burns me up!

You're a sweetheart to slip the IL's cash. Sorry they're so clueless. I know it's frustrating.

The constant talking about the church is to keep themselves brainwashed and convinced that they did the right thing all these years. If they STOP talking church talk the spell might wear off and they would be devastated.

If you were to ask David Bednar, or any of the other brethern, what happened to the blessings for these devout oldsters you would get the usual remark that the blessings will be HEAPED upon them in the afterlife. And, of course, the typical, standard, response from all religions is, "We cannot know the mind of God. We must have faith."

In your case, not to be morbid, your devout Mormon in-laws probably obeyed the WofW and didn't smoke or drink. So they will probably live a good long time. You could be supporting them into their 100's. Lucky you!

Do they, at least, get Social Security benefits?

And expect a "thank you" every time you help.

That's the very least they can do.

I'm glad your in-laws have you and your wife looking out for them. Pretty nice of you considering you are apostates. (Last sentence is sarcastic--I really do think it's great you help them out.)

my relatives? Sounds like their story. They even live in the house that their SIL bought them rent free and he is married to their youngest. . . I haven't heard about their youngest leaving the lds church though.

Whoops! Can't be them. They are both well educated. Female has a bachelor's and male has a Ph.D.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2014 11:13AM by cl2.

My in-laws story is essentially the same too. I am in your boat. We have a full separate basement apartment in our house, and I am terrified it'll be the new home for the in-laws. They have zero retirement and are destitute as well. 8 kids. Father wouldn't get a job since the 90's and mother has worked an hourly wage that entire time. They had wealthy parents themselves who left them a big inheritance. They gave 25 percent of that to the church, 25!! Spent the rest on doomsday equipment and mass amounts of food storage. They live in a house they can absolutely not afford, but can't move because they have all this mass of stuff they have to hoard.

My wife and I are the "black sheep" in my family since we left TSCC, but they admit that we are the ones that treat them best, take them on trips, never borrow money from them (they really don't have it, but that doesn't stop some of the siblings). I'm the only kid they trust financially.

WHOA. I've heard the "blip" comment before! Does that word/notion come up a lot in your experiences with Mormonism? I only heard it once in a slightly different context, but similar enough!

Just wait, as soon as they die all the TBM kids will swoop in and act superior to you, they will act like they were the ones helping out their parents the whole time and treat you as second class citizens as far as the will and funeral are concerned.

To them it doesn't matter what you do in this life, it only matters that you drank the kool aid so you can get to the ck.

This bugs me a lot. Mormons believe god controls all. Thus, YOU didn't do anything for them. It is god who is blessing you and telling you to give them money/ pay for things so they can go around doing errands for the church. They have it so fixed that they don't need to feel ashamed that they are mooching off you guys. To put their bills on your table is so arrogant. In one part of their mind they know that it is you who is paying but that will be overridden by their belief that everything comes from god and you are just the courier.

In my family's case, my parents did do retirement planning or something because they seem just fine. However they spent all their time doing church stuff to the extent that they'd miss grandkids graduations etc. to go to the temple etc. My mom was also physically and verbally abusive to us kids, and still has a mouth on her. I don't trust her with my kids. I've heard stuff she's said to the other grand kids and I don't need that kind of grief.

Anyway they are now old and have no church friends, no non-church friends and seem to think that family should come over whenever they want them to. We live 5 hours away from them and are expected to make the trip there every 4 or 5 months. This means asking a sibling to stay over, or getting a hotel room. Plus 150 in gas to get there, plus dog care for our 2 dogs. Their house is too full of junk for me to want to stay there not to mention that I'd be very uncomfortable. I spent tooo many years there walking on eggshells even in my adult life to want to give my mom hours and hours after everyone else has left to diss me.

See the church has promised them a forever family. They gave their all to the church. But now we as adult kids are supposed to forgive them their garbage and be the family they didn't care about when we were all living at home. So because we are all polite and come for family dinners they have gotten what the church has promised, not what they deserve.

Wow, my in-laws are nearly a carbon copy of yours. No college, no retirement, destitute, living in a small apartment, yet starry eyed about the gospel and its' blessings.

Dh and I have a good laugh about their politics too. Of course they consider themselves Republicans, hate Obama and handouts, yet without handouts they'd be living on the street.

You are very kind to help them out. Due to a long history of bad blood, there will be no financial help from us. We made it clear the last time we lent them money (a substantial amount), which they then blew through and never paid back, that due to their poor choices, we can't help them out anymore. They won't listen to common sense counsel; they've made so many bad choices and mistakes over the years they are beyond help.. To say their level of intellect is 16 is being generous, it's more like 10 years old. My 16 yr old daughter has more sense than they do.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2014 11:32AM by twistedsister.

I would consider these people to be victims of LDS Inc.

They did not have Google or places like here when they were having children.

If BIC, were trained in blindly trusting LDS Inc, who financially at least, raped them.

Another example of why Mormonism is not a victimless crime.

Agreed. When people give me the whole "encourages family values! What harm could it do?" I think of my in-laws. They are a testament to what harm it can do. Their entire retirement years are going to be spent struggling in every sense of the word... because of their beliefs.

This is my in-laws too, and I started insisting that when we do help them out, it has to be either with tangible goods (ie- bags of groceries) or gift cards because I was sick of them tithing on money we gave them for bills. That backfired though, as they just started paying extra tithing to make up for it. Aaarrrrgh.

As far as elderly parents giving money to LDS Inc that was given to them to pay bills...

I would contact their bishop and explain the situation. Explain that you will make criminal complaints of elder abuse to law enforcement and will be holding a press conference about the complaint.

Probably would not work in Utah, but would work elsewhere.

smo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> They will be showing up in approx 30 minutes from
> now. We invite them to come over weekly to help
> out in the house and yard.

Wait.

You make your 80-something in-laws clean the house and do yardwork once a week? ouch.

;o)

It amounts to roughly $40 per hour! Light laundry 'work' for MIL. FIL has the green thumb going and loves doing light yard 'work'. BTW, both in great shape. It's as 'make work' as you can get, smo

Alrighty then . . . carry on.

;o)

I have a totally different take on this.

According to your original post, both of your wife's parents are in their early 80s. At that age, various diseases have most likely begun to take their toll, and I'd bet even money that your MIL actually forgot you gave her the money; hence the story of being "blessed by the Lard" at the Fast and Testament meeting.

What really irks me here is the unwillingness (according to your story) of the other siblings to assist. These are the people you and your wife really need to confront and demand that they do more for their aging parents!

blindguy Wrote:
>
> What really irks me here is the unwillingness
> (according to your story) of the other siblings to
> assist. These are the people you and your wife
> really need to confront and demand that they do
> more for their aging parents!

I had the same thought reading the OP's post. Your wife should either call a family meeting or send out an email to all of her siblings politely requesting them to help pay mom and dad's expenses also. Include an itemized summary of what you and your wife have spent on your in-laws over the last six months. Say that while you are happy that you are comfortable enough to be able to help them out, you believe that their other children should enjoy the "blessings" of assisting their parents as well.

At least if your wife's siblings still won't help after being explicitly asked to, they won't be able to ignore the issue. They'll have to live knowing that they were asked to contribute but chose not to help their own elderly parents.

We've gotten to that point. Many more details I didn't want to bore the board about!

My friend, you are the blessing from The Lord. In their minds that is how The Lord has provided for them in their advanced years.

Sorry.

When we were struggling, young married students, I pretty much received proof God isn't Mormon. Because the Mormon line was "pay your tithing first and God will bless you." But what happened was that we paid our tithing and were broke and my non-LDS dad would feel sorry for us and send us clothes for the kids or a couple hundred dollars for a vacation or ask if he could buy new tires for our car. My dad was the one blessing us because he wasn't giving all his money to the Mormons - he was actually HELPING people with it.

It's aggravating that your in-laws think God is blessing them when the truth is, you are the one blessing him because you aren't wasting your money on God's true church. It's a reality their minds aren't prepared to accept but it's true nonetheless.

This must be the most effin' depressing post I've read this month. JHFC almighty! I'm banging my head on the keyboard. I hear ya, I'm sorry this situation is happening to ya. Mind definitely blown. Hang in there, but do set some boundaries, ie. lett them know it was you who slipped MIL the bill in her pocket. Cripes, I can't imagine what their mental gymnastics are like right now, knowing that the apostates kids are the ones taking care of them. Sheesh!

Sounds like my grandparents. My dad helps them a lot around their house. He has even taken time off from work to finish tiling and other projects for them. He comes home cranky and mad from having to hear from his dad and step mom all day long. Then my grandpa had the nerve (years ago) to tell me that my dad doesn't believe in Joseph Smith and a bunch of other bull about my own father. [I should have told him that I don't believe in JS too!] I stood up for my dad and was very firm. My step grandma quickly changed the subject. The most pious sure have a way of turning me off, fast.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/26/2014 12:48PM by hausfrau.

I couldn't hand over money to people who actively hate me (or what I stand for). I don't care how destitute they are.

I'd tell them that God has given the USA Obama, and they should ask him for money. Seriously.

They take from Obama and the government and hate it at the same time. I'm afraid they feel the same way about their apostate relatives. Sorry.