The Book of Mormon

That patriarchal blessings can help you make life decisions.

Edit: whoops, wrong place. Stupid phone (or stupid me)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/10/2014 10:21PM by procrusteanchurch.

Every other problem with the LDS church boils down to this one bogus premise.

That there was a ancient biblical society in america. What an obvious and ridiculous lie.

...that all callings are divinely inspired. "Prayerfully considered."

..."We hold that these callings to be fully authorized from God himself."

..."as if He had Himself made the appointments."

...FAIL.

This! I've been in several presidencies in my time and I can tell you just how "inspired" those calls are. Ha!

That it's the one and only true church on the face of the earth and they have a real prophet, seer, and revelator

The City of Enoch was so righteous it was lifted into heaven so it would not be sullied by the unrighteous.


Then God was so pissed there where no righteous people on Earth so he caused a mass extinction and save only 8 people.

Hey God...You dumb ass....figure it out.

That the Book of Abraham was actually written by Abraham. Silly on its face. Even more silly now that it has been proven to be a lie (and TSCC admits that it was a lie). Silliest is that TSCC still uses it for teaching even though it's proven false.

That God was once a man.
Wait, I don't know if they teach that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/10/2014 09:17PM by hangar18.

I'm a big fan of kolob...

Only true mormons have true happiness. (Sorry investigators, recent coverts, and back tithing payers... )

Bend over, and take that 13 incher and cough up that 10% or end up in the outer darkness with Jesus's Brother.

Kolob's a WINNER!

That only Mormons have true happiness.

Not a teaching, but the baker's hats the men have to wear in the temple are laughable.

That men live on the moon. And they look like Quakers. And we were never intended to go there

That you need to learn secret handshakes and signs with your arms to get past sentinels in heaven.

"I found some golden plates."

Let's start at the very beginning. That Joseph Smith was a Prophet.

Yup.

Amen!

The whole enchilada is so ridiculous I don't know where to start!

Like Julie Andrews says,

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start:

Joe Smith...the definition of ridiculous!!

Gee, where to begin...?
Jesus appeared to native americans?
The whole nephrite and lamanite story?
The BoM itself?

That some man that I really don't know has the right to ask me if I masturbate or play around with the opposite/same sex?

The spirit, no sex before marriage, most doctrine, men are called of god, etc.

that your earthly existence is really some senseless family home evening project from a fictitious council in heaven

Probably Kolob and the controlling all of the other stars and planets in the Universe.

1. Kolob

2. Populating your own planet by having endless sex with your many, many wives is your reward...

3. Adam in Missouri and we need the flood to get Adam to the mid east

That you should pay money to a church that builds malls and buys real estate before you should feed your children.

Every goddamn thing they claim as "divine" and theirs alone. All of it.

Ron Burr

That it is true

That the temple is the pinnacle of our religious experience. It is so special, so wonderful, so edifying.

Kokaubeam and Shinehah or whatever the f@!k those stupid book of Abraham names are for sun and stars. Shinehah. Tells you a lot about how he made up stupid Book of Mormon names too.

That they can guarantees your family will be "with you" after you die... for the right price.


Kathleen Waters

That they are honest.

That they have integrity.

They the BOM has "good fruits".

That you can become a God. Contradicts the Bible and yet they love the bible, right? Not so much....they love the made up Book of Mormon. Another thing...spirit babies.When one of the bigwigs was talking yrs. ago he said that he and his wife had had many kids at tha point but they were outside on their patio looking up and his wife said the spirit talked to her. A child wanted to be born....and voila....in just a couple wks. she was preggos. Mormons are so dumb.

Jesus has blue eyes.

Wouldn't it be quicker to list all the doctrines that are not ridiculous?

You and everything you know and love are desolate unless you obey Cheezus.

Everything from the 1st page of the BoM to the last page of the PoGP - in short, the entire Triple Combo.