My wife, is a dyed in the wool, BIC, no holds barred, TMB to the max.

We have been married for three years and my wife knew I didn't have a strong desire to be a part of the church, but, I joined as a good faith gesture to her shortly prior to our getting married.

I knew from the moment I began reading the BOM that this was a fraud, and have over these three years of reading and research developed nothing but contempt for this organization, and its leadership, and frankly, I'm ready to leave. My letter is written.

My wife is so consumed with the church that she has told me that there is nothing that could change her mind about it ( I have not tried to) and that even if her own father told her it was all a lie, and a fraud she would still believe. This, coming from a woman who reluctantly told me only about a year or so ago that she has never read the BOM or the D&C. We are talking a major congnative bias issue here! She has nothing substantive to support her beliefs other than to say because of the things that have occured in her life that cause her to believe. She really can't articulate what those "things" are. It's all completely emotional.

Tragically, we really have very little in common, and obviously, my wife's sentiment for the church runs very deep, and despite the fact that she is accepting of the reality that I don't buy into the crap, it's not what she wants for herself or the marriage. It is not a happy place for her to be only because she lives in Disney Land 95% of the time.

It truly saddens me to see someone who is truly loving, caring, and committed, to be so eaten up with this trash, and the manner in which it affects every aspect of her life, and consequently, our marriage. I am resentful toward the church, not only for myself, but for my wife as well. And the damnedable hell of it is, she has no clue. "Literally!"

Neither of us are youngsters, we're in our 50's, not a lot of baggage, but one has to consider the direction things are going and where they may end up with such an influence always to be contended with.

Example: Yesterday I received a copy of B.H.Roberts' book, Studies of the Book of Mormon. My wife read the introduction to the book and said she was actually appalled that I would bring such a book into our home, and that it was disrespectful toward her. She has told me previously that she wanted to quit reading all that false doctrine, so I quit reading the BOM.

Go figure.

I have read with interest the posts at this site for the past year and this is the first time I have taken the opportunity address this issue here.

Thoughtful comments are welcome.

"Neither of us are youngsters, we're in our 50's, not a lot of baggage, but one has to consider the direction things are going and where they may end up with such an influence always to be contended with."

It sounds like you don't have too much invested w/her...nor anything really in common. It sounds like she wanted a husband to be able to check off "that box"...for what she needs.....

If this is the case...then you know what your internally spirit/Holy Ghost is telling you

wish I had something to say that would help. My wife is also TBM, and doesn't know the doctrine well enough to understand why the problems are so serious so it's pretty pointless. She has friends there and family and I think that's the big draw for her.

Lots of people here have tbm spouses, but if you've been reading the board occasionally I'm sure you know that.

Best advice I have is that it's unrealistic to expect to change people. It can happen, and with time some people here have made progress with their spouses, but don't pin your hopes on it. Find a way to enjoy your marriage regardless of her beliefs.

She's an idiot


Dont have kids


There is hope, look at all of us

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is NOT easy!!

The only thing I can think of by way of 'advice' is: Is there some way you can talk to your wife and get an agreement to leave the church out of your marriage?

Eg, you do not discuss what you are reading and learning, and she attends church without any comment from you. In return she leaves you alone with your thoughts and findings (NOT telling you what you can read in what is YOUR home too), and not nagging you to attend church, pretend to be TBM etc.

In so many of the marriages I have observed that go wrong, (including mine!!!!) it is about looking at at the negative constantly, and refusing to let go of unreasonable expectations. Acceptance of how things REALLY are and finding the areas in which you both do agree, to enjoy, seems to be the order of the day for happiness in a marriage. NOT for a minute do I think it easy, and I feel it will be very hard for you talk to others about tscc and what you are feeling rather than her, who you would like the think of as you 'best' friend. But it seems for you that is not to be. So the alternative is to let her do 'her' thing about tscc and you do yours, but to enjoy what you can about each other, nice dinners out, walks in the morning etc. Be each other's best friend in other areas and leave tscc alone. That way it cannot become a catalyst in an sort of emotional power struggle. Am I making sense?

Godd luck, I really do hope it all works out for you and your wife!

Good luck trying to reach her with the truth. You probably won't be able to do it. Disneyland is a really fun place to be.

I think there are loads of Mormons who have never read the BoM the D&C, or PoGP. They've only read select verses they're asked to read while in class. They have no idea what's in those books. They have no clue what they do or don't believe.

Ironically they're stuck in nazi mode when it comes to things like the WoW and the length of a skirt. That IS their religion. They love to go to church and put on the big righteous act. They're the ones that get up every single F&T meeting and go on and on while dissolving into tears.

In the real world these are known as hypocrites. They're shallow and spiritually dead. They're emotionally stuck in about 8th to 11th grade. Adult topics scare the hell out of them.

I don't know how people can stand to go through life like that. My mother has done that. It's totally destroyed her. She's wasted her entire life. She's judgmental, mean spirited, selfish, cold, and crazy. I couldn't get away from her soon enough. I feel sorry for her, but cannot help her. She wants to be the way she is.

People like her don't change. They dig in their heels and insist on staying in the mode they're in. My mother announced at age 50 that she knew every thing she'd ever need to know. She wasn't kidding. In the 60 years i've known her, she has stayed in her self inflicted mormon cage. If you dare open the door, be prepared to protect yourself.

My wife is a nevermo, but was raised mainstream Christian. I am a confirmed agnostic. Over the years I have watched her become more and more involved in her religious community. It is to the point that I resent her choosing "church" over "us".

Just like your wife, she has her fairy tale and won't even try to think logically through any arguments. The only difference in our situations is that I have 25 yrs invested in this relationship, and 3 kids.

I feel your pain.