I'm in my mid 30s now, but I desperately wanted to be part of the crowd getting married in their early 20s. I even had a few offers, but somehow I turned them down.
Now I look back at the couples I knew that did it. Roughly half are divorced. Some others are doing okay, or at least that's what it looks like from the outside. And then there are a few couples that are stuck in exactly the same life they were 15 years ago. Same church, same friends, same everything, except now they have kids with them. Exact same world view, etc.
I'm so very glad that I didn't marry young. I may still be single, but I have changed in a thousand other ways. And I'm very glad that I didn't marry someone religious. The way I see it, I only had three basic options if I had. 1. I might still be very religious. If I was surrounded by it, and it was normal, I might still be there, instead of out and thinking for myself. 2. I might have left the church but he didn't, and that's not a marriage I want. 3. Maybe we would have both left together, but looking at the lives the boys I dated are living now, I doubt it. One is now a pastor, another is still a full time missionary. Neither of those lives offer me any sort of happiness.
I know people change as life goes on, but I think it would have been very hard to grow and change the ways I have if I had been married to the particular guys I dated.
Worst mistake of my life. I did it because that's what I was supposed to do. Had my doubts, but a temple marriage would make it all better. Neither one of us believes anymore, but we also have nothing in common.
I suppose it is common that people get married young because that is what one is supposed to do in Mormonism. I just don't understand why that is the practice. How did that get started?
It works for some people, but I believe it's much too early an age to marry. You change a lot from your late teens to your early 20s. The frontal lobe of the brain (the area in charge of judgment) keeps developing through about age 25. My personal view is that you shouldn't marry before your brain is fully developed. :)
just my guess on why, since you asked bella10 ;-) - the morg would like that you commit to them early on (as stated in some other forums the temple marriage is more to the church than each other) before full brain development (they don't like that, might encourage this frowned upon thing called thinking), and so that couples can get started producing lots of future tithe payers.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2014 08:52PM by wideawake.
Sadly, there is a lot of truth to what you say. It is amazing how the Mormon church has fingered its way in to every aspect of its members lives. Is there any part of a Mormon's life that their church doesn't try to have control over? Probably not...
Short answer from me: religions that encourage young marriages are doing it because it's much easier to control women when they have a shitload of children.
My parents married older, they didn't make it. My husband and I married young, so far so good, going on 21 years. I think just like everything else it depends on the people.
One of the writer's points was, "If feasible, marry young."
He emphasized that this is an individual decision, and people must be mature enough to be certain of this important decision. And he emphasized that youthful "grand passion" can really confuse things, very common with LDS youth.
His thesis was predicated on a few things. I remember especially that older people (30s, especially) are more autonomous, and the marriage may well be just cozy roommates with sex. Younger married folks are more intensely involved with each other, and are more consciously enthusiastic about building a life together.
He described it as the difference between a corporate merger, which is combining and arranging assets, and a start-up, which is bursting with energy and growth.
Of course, this is just a generalization. Every marriage is individual.