Posted by:
mayerbabe
(
)
Date: April 22, 2014 02:18AM
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to stop in with an update. Hubby, I, and 6 kids resigned 10 weeks ago yesterday. We are doing great and life is moving right along.
Some of the battles I was fighting early on in my discovery that the church wasn't true and during the time of our resignation have been replaced with newfound peace, freedom, and sense of well-being. I was really struggling with my identity and with fear just a few months ago. Today I have a much clearer sense of who I am and it's just getting better everyday. I have discovered that I am still me...loving, kind, honest, and loyal. Those characteristics didn't disappear just because I learned the church that had taught me those things was a fraud.
The fear has all but disappeared. I can see now that I was simply lied to when I was taught things like I could never have "a fullness of joy" outside the gospel. I was lied to when I was told that my children would be lost without the gospel. I am happy, and in fact I am HAPPIER now than I ever was as an adult in the church. My children are happy. My teenagers are HAPPIER now to be out of the shame and guilt based culture that is the church.
I have more time to enjoy my family now. We spend Sundays doing family activities now like picnics, movies, going out for a meal, or meeting once a month for a potluck with our local CALM chapter (Community After Leaving Mormonism). We have met AMAZING and KIND people through CALM, and we continue to gain support and clarity through that "live" group, as well as the Mormon VIP Lounge Facebook group. I also like to read through the exmormon.org recovery board every few days as well. We have found amazing new friends and lots of virtual support during our journey out of Mormonism. This board was particularly helpful to me during the weeks prior to our resignation and the weeks following the resignation.
My dh and I came up with our own rules of conduct for our family to live by. We have chosen to hang onto a few of the guidelines we were taught as members that make logical sense to us, to throw out all those rules which we feel are irrelevant or ridiculous, and add in other characteristics we've been striving to teach our children all along. We are teaching OUR BELIEFS to our children now, rather than the beliefs of a fraudulent corporation.
I have tried coffee twice now (ewwww! I've heard it's an acquired taste!), had a pomegranate margarita (too strong!), a sip of beer (YUCK!), and 2 glasses of mimosa...which I loved!!
Upon leaving the church and learning everything that was NOT TRUE, I became fascinated by all that IS TRUE...meaning, I've become a science junkie!! We've been watching the PBS series Cosmos together as a family and it is AMAZING!!!!! I've also watched part one of Your Inner Fish, and loved it as well. I'm now following a few different scientific pages on Facebook, and spend a bit of time each day learning about who I REALLY am and about my universe. I love evidence. I love facts. I love truth.
I have a greater sense of wonder, awe, and reverence for life now than I ever did as a Mormon. I'm a better person now as well. Now that I'm out, I see how judgemental and prejudiced I was as a Mormon. I was an elitist. I had the truth, and those who wore tank tops or drank wine did not. Those poor souls. Now I see people as part of the human race, and have more love for ALL PEOPLE than I ever did before. I am open-minded, and clearer minded. I love and accept my children more unconditionally now too. I am a much more loving and relaxed mother now.
I am living practically guilt free for the first time in my adult life. As a member, I was particularly prone to the culture of guilt in the church. I felt guilty over EVERYTHING as a mormon mother. Now, I simply live and love. There is little to stress over and everything to celebrate. And because I no longer have a list a mile long of everything I "should" be doing, I have the time to do the things that make me happy, to love more fully, and this makes for a healthier family and marriage.
I am continuing to learn about the church and this continued learning is helping me in my recovery. I have had a few therapy sessions with a religious trauma expert. I am fascinated by the psychology of mind control, brainwashing, and cults now. I learn more through John Dehlin, Mormon Stories, Ex mormon Foundation presentations, I Am An Ex Mormon youtubes, and the like. There's a ton of great resources out there!!
To anyone that is doubting the church or struggling with your belief, I would encourage you to DIVE INTO YOUR DOUBTS rather than "doubt your doubts." Though the diving may be painful at times, the truth is worth the journey. I found these sources particularly helpful in my research of the truth claims of the church:
cesletter.com
Amazon book: "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins" by Palmer
youtube talk: Ah-ha Moments by Grant Palmer
youtube video: The Lost Book of Abraham
youtube video: The Book of Mormon and DNA Evidence
To anyone that has already concluded, like I did on January 10th, that the LDS church is a fraud, just know that you will be alright!! I know it feels like your world is crumbling at times, but know that that feeling doesn't last for long. What you will be left with in a few weeks time is more clarity and peace than you could ever imagine. Hang in there!!
Jen