Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: April 22, 2014 03:12PM
I absolutely agree with everything other posters have already said.
Your bishop should absolutely not be involved in matters pertaining to your mental health. Even if he were an MD, he is not *your* MD, and his position as bishop of an LDS ward does not give him the right or responsibility to get involved in issues like this that are likely well outside his area of experience and expertise.
Yes, if he/ward pays they believe they get to discuss you with the therapist, including anything you may disclose that could precipitate a "court of love" against you.
Yes, the therapist asks you to sign a disclosure statement that allows them to discuss you with the bishop. Your sessions will be decidedly non-therapeutic if, as you say, you are concerned about what the (so-called) therapist will be reporting back to your bishop. Even if it is not "court of love" stuff, it's still your private, and likely sensitive, business. Anybody would be concerned about maintaining privacy.
Ask yourself for what reason the bishop needs to hear back from the therapist. It is my impression that one main reason is that the bishop, like all LDS bishops, feels he must discover whether there is anything going on that he needs to take action against (think court of love again). This primary focus of theirs makes the bishop and the therapist both non-therapeutic for you and not on your side. The "therapy" becomes more about LDS beliefs and practices (i.e., the bishop's belief, passed down from top leaders, that he is responsible to maintain matters in his ward such that "sinners" be suitably judged and punished) than about you. In the real (non-LDS) world, therapy is always about the client (you) and not about anybody or anything else.
I joined the LDS Church as an adult (in one of my weak moments!) I was in for three yrs and became gradually more depressed. The bishop recommended that I see an LDS counsellor. It was my impression that the man was a psychologist. That is what the bishop called him. He told me that this man travelled for the LDS Church, going around to each area and being available at certain times only for any LDS members who needed this type of assistance.
I agreed to go but had NO CLUE about the disclosure agreement. Also, I wanted to pay myself. I just had a thing about taking money from offerings, plus I could afford to pay. My recollection is that it was $60.00 (fairly reasonable for a professional therapist). Even so (and yes, they collected the money up front, prior to my evening session) I was told that the bishop would be kept informed of what was discussed during the session as this was supposedly how the bishop made sure he was doing his job, or something like that.
Because the psychologist had travelled a considerable distance and was only available every third month or something like that, and I had travelled quite a long way to get to the ward building where he was situated, and because they presented the disclosure agreement as a requirement (if I didn't sign I couldn't see the therapist) I felt under great pressure for all those reasons to sign the thing. And yes, they hurry you (it was the psych himself who gave it to me and it was part of the session so I was also under pressure for time - I wanted to spend all the time possible discussing my issue and not doing paperwork).
I have posted in the past about my experience with this aspect of my Mormon experience. It was yet another Mormon moment I did not enjoy (understatement). The therapist was eating his dinner at the start of my session, which I found beyond rude and really not very appealing. Then we spent 10 or so minutes with intros and the above-mentioned paperwork. The session which I thought would be an hour was actually only 50 min and then by the time we started talking it was down to 40 or less, not a very long time when you have to explain yourself and lay the groundwork. At least for me, by the time I got around to finally asking for help, and especially by seeing a therapist, I felt at the end of my rope and was very pressured to get some kind of quick result. I couldn't stand the thought of having to wait another few months between appointments and maybe needing several sessions before the guy could even start to maybe help me.
When the therapist finally got around to asking me why I was there, admittedly I didn't open very well. I said "I have a problem with the church", which was my issue in a nutshell. I didn't stop to wonder how that would come across to a TBM. The therapist looked angry and spoke to me in what I considered a harsh and belittling manner. Let's just say that I had no intention of returning and he did not help.
Well, he didn't help in the way I had been expecting. As I was leaving, walking across the wide expanse of lawn towards the street and my car to make as quick a getaway as possible, feeling really down at not getting any assistance, the thought suddenly illuminated my brain that I just didn't have to go back to church! So simple. So obvious. And much easier for a short term convert than a BIC, I realize. But if you're stuck in only one perspective you don't always see obvious options, I have found.
And that was it. I didn't go back to church, other than to tell the bishop I was leaving and that I would not take such a decision lightly and therefore I really meant it and would not say it if there was any chance I may change my mind. Fortunately for me, he took me at my word that I was not interested in HT or VT visits or any attempts at getting me back. He said to me, "I know you are a Christian woman", which I have interpreted in various ways. He was a convert too and we liked and respected one another. I thought it was a nice comment for him to make and that it held deep meaning for both of us.
The absolute truth is, as someone said above, once I wasn't attending church any more, I didn't feel depressed at all, almost instantly. My perspective widened a bit more as I recalled that the focus of the (mainstream) Christian way that I knew before joining Mormonism is the 'relationship' between the individual, you, and God, or the Lord, or whichever term/concept you wish to use. There is not meant to be a middle man, it should be a straight road between you and God. Keeping that in mind, all the "covenants" and "promises" and your character and principles and standards and intentions and behaviour and history are just between you and Him and not dependent on which church or denomination you belong to. This helped me to separate all of those things from the Mormon Church and make it, once again, between me and God. I then did not need to feel guilty (as I had done) about making "covenants" or promises that I was turning away from (because I wasn't - not from the basics of Christian belief), or guilty for any other reason.
Before, when I had had questions about doctrine or practice or history, or even just mentioning something that didn't make sense to me or that there was a discrepancy somewhere, Mormons would reply, "But you've been baptized!" or "You've been to the temple!" The bishop used the latter one on me frequently. I never understood that response until years after I had left (and years of reading this board). I think it's because members and leaders alike believe that "all your questions will be answered in the temple" or "all will be well after your baptism" (or they hope that is so). They actually expected me to return as a fully fledged TBM, is my impression, but really I was still just me, and they didn't know how to handle that. I didn't understand how the bishop would think that uttering such a phrase would answer my questions or make me go away and be a quiet, submissive member (which is what they seem to want) but now I understand it better. They think you get your own "light" which should look after all your concerns or at least shut you up and make you get into line.
It's a whole different feeling and experience when things become just between you and God, in that you can feel more in charge and more independent and stronger. At least, that is the state to which I returned after leaving the Mormon Church, from one Sunday to the next.
So I have to say that that psychologist did help me after all as it was just one more miserable experience in a host of such and it turned out to be the final straw for me. I didn't expect that when I went there and I certainly didn't just take the easy way out. It was just such a huge disappointment and I felt humiliated by his attitude and the way he spoke to me (harsh, rushed, with dislike or distaste) or his tone (disgusted). I didn't appreciate going to a therapist and coming away feeling even worse.
I even surprised myself at how fabulous I felt at making the decision to stop struggling and just stop going to Mormon Church meetings. And how great it felt as time went by and I continued to choose not to attend. (In my case, I returned to my pre-mo denomination - Mennonite Brethren - and felt much more at home and comfortable and still "Christian", which was my desire).
For the record, I had an incredibly negative baptism experience and I did not return to church for six weeks afterwards, after the missionaries had made a superhuman effort to get me to go back. The bishop even said "I understand why you wouldn't come to church after that". It was an uphill struggle for me every day after that for three years and it's no wonder I eventually became depressed (not clinically so, where I would have needed a psychiatrist and perhaps meds). And when the bishop said, "I know you are a Christian woman" (a great compliment from a Mormon to a BAC, in my book) I thought it was akin to his previous comment about understanding why I wouldn't want to go to church after a bad experience/s.
So, the bottom line is that even if you pay yourself, I believe (from my experience) that you are expected/required to sign the disclosure form, as the bishop is sending you (and paying, although that is not the sole reason he feels entitled).
Again in the real world, ideally your GP would refer you to the requisite therapist and it would be a private health matter between you and your MDs. Non-Mormon therapists adhere strictly to confidentiality principles, or that is the universal expectation. Even when an employer sends you for therapy, of any kind, the therapist does not report back to the employer, not about the content of your discussions.
Sometimes it helps to gain a wider perspective and thus have more info to formulate wise decisions if you know how things go in the non-LDS universe (no offence).
Depression is not just a mind thing. There can be any number of physical conditions that may cause feelings of depression. That is why the place to start is your GP. Bishops and even psychologists (not medical doctors) do not specialize in this area.
Good luck to you. I hope you can find the help you need in the best place possible for you. If you can, please let us know how it goes. (No details necessary! We're not LDS bishops here!)
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 03:12PM by Nightingale.