I know it is a stupid hang up from the cult programming, but how do i overcome the feeling that anytime something bad/undesired happens it is because I have been cursed for leaving TSCC? I know that if the exact same things happened while I was a worthy righteous member, I would have called them adversity/opposition/fallen world/tests/trials. How do i overcome this double bind no win cult brain washing?

Guess what? When you're a Mormon, good things happen to you and bad things happen to you. When you're not a Mormon, good things happen to you and bad things happen to you.

It's called Life.

So obvious, I know, but religious delusions of being cursed are messing with me and making me doubt my decision. I guess it's just a little parting gift from the LDS brainwashing team. I could use Mormon thought stopping techniques and every time i feel cursed I can think of a blessing from leaving, like not having to listen to anymore of their bs and pay for the privilege

I'm not sure there is an adequate way to walk you through the breaking of this mentality. As stated above, both good and bad things appear to happen to everybody, regardless of their religious identity. The best way I have coped, is that when things go wrong or I'm down, I just do my absolute best to duck my head, power through the tough times and strive for the good times to roll back around (they inevitably seem to do so).

Meanwhile, do your best to not be too hard on yourself if things go wrong, but don't necessarily ignore all self-criticism, as examining what went wrong and why can be useful in fixing and preventing further problems. Life is a balancing act that I suspect almost everybody struggles to figure out. You'll get there.

My wife constructed a "Mormon events matrix"

Good person to whom good things happen: You're being blessed
Good person to whom bad things happen: You're being tried
Bad person to whom bad things happen: You're being punished
Bad person to whom good things happen: God is trying the other good people that are not so richly blessed. Alternately, they're not 'really' happy.

Which manual is this from? LOL I think we had this explicitly taught in many a lesson

your belief that the church is true.

Yet again alternatively, for "Bad person to whom good things happen", they are "of the world" and prospering through Satan. Why can't this religion just accept the happiness of others?

Alpineer, this is a simple, and informative matrix. The error underlying it is the concept of a "good" person and a "bad" person. Really, there are people. There are people who recognize this and who reach out in support of those who've been classed as "bad" and are therefore tortured and abused, and even killed, by their societies. Jesus was one of these. And then there is the pack that justifies its existence by considering itself "righteous." The secret of cult control is preying on the vanity of the guilt-ridden and suffering who are susceptible to delusions of grandeur.

I felt cursed when I was a member. Now, I understand that shitty, as well as awesome, stuff happens.

I am so sorry you are hurting.

Thanks, everyone. There aren't many exmos where I am. But blessedly few Mormons, too.
Saw the sister missionaries the other week from a distance and part of me wondered if it was a sign to go back. But the sensible part of me turned on my heels and walked in the opposite direction before they could spot me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2014 12:54AM by poem.

The Elders here came to my door and my mom called yesterday before I got on here and I worried it was a sign too. Damn cult.

You deal with it by stopping and realizing that it's Morgbot
programming that's going on. This is something that was planted
deep inside you during a time when your critical facility was
turned off. It's in there. It's not honest, it's not accurate,
it's a lie that THEY planted in you. Expect it to pop up now
and then and push it back down realizing what it is.

What you DON'T do is take it seriously. Laugh at it when it
rears it's ugly head. Expect it to be there but don't give it
any power over you.

It's an old war wound. It's there but it doesn't define you
unless you let it.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2014 12:56AM by baura.

My Born-again coworker used to tell me that bad things were happening to me because I was a Mormon.

Classic!!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2014 04:35AM by poem.

This situation has happened to me also but as time has progressed it has gotten better. Coming to this website helps me gain my footing when Mormon implanted behaviors pop up.... It has really helped to be able to come here and see similar situations and be able to start laughing about it and discuss similar problems...

I can relate. I am still working on breaking that conditioning myself. Some days I do better than others with not viewing situations through those toxic filters. It can be particularly difficult for those that have TBM family, friends, and colleagues that reinforce those erroneous beliefs. There are even cases where TBMs unintentionally (we hope) make the situation difficult (shove you down) and then say things analogous to, "look, he/she left the faith and now failure follows."

Right now you're affected by the tautology of literally "heads I win tails you lose" the church is based on.
Study humanistic values and the illusion of tautology and the "trick" the church plays becomes apparent. If you know what's happening it's easier to cope.

When I left the church I clearly remember sitting at the table and a sudden thought, almost like a voice saying that I had cast off my protection. I hadn't gotten to removing my garments yet, it was the whole turning away from what was supposed to be my salvation. That really bothered me, yea, even unto becoming frightened. But it didn't make sense that Heavenly Father would punish me for finding out that people were lying about Him and the things they were doing in his name. It isn't our fault that the church is not true, it is not my sin when doctrines are discarded or lies are told to me. And lastly, I reasoned that if I were to be punished for leaving falsehood behind, then the church was purely and irrevocably led by the master of untruth, the father of lies.

Elder What's-his-face Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> When I left the church I clearly remember sitting
> at the table and a sudden thought, almost like a
> voice saying that I had cast off my protection. I
> hadn't gotten to removing my garments yet, it was
> the whole turning away from what was supposed to
> be my salvation. That really bothered me, yea,
> even unto becoming frightened. But it didn't make
> sense that Heavenly Father would punish me for
> finding out that people were lying about Him and
> the things they were doing in his name. It isn't
> our fault that the church is not true, it is not
> my sin when doctrines are discarded or lies are
> told to me. And lastly, I reasoned that if I were
> to be punished for leaving falsehood behind, then
> the church was purely and irrevocably led by the
> master of untruth, the father of lies.

Agree 1000%

Why is it we look at pain as bad?

If you experience any kind of difficulty in life it's viewed as bad, terrible, cursed, unbearable. When we should look at this experience as a way of re-focusing on the great things we have going on in this present moment. You are here, still alive, writing this post and able to share with others your thoughts. You are a blessing to others.

Your mind has the power to make anything bad or everything good. It's all a matter of perspective.

There's no such thing as sin and you are not cursed.

Don't believe the lies you have been taught.

Stone cold atheist and out of tscc since '05. Still when my sweet little doggie got diagnosed with renal failure, I felt punished. All the Mormon voices in my head said, "See what happens when you displease God?" Ridiculous, but there it was. This group helped me deal with the imbedded programing of Mormonism. Chunkie is my little pomapoo who is doing amazingly well despite her lousy lab numbers.

Sending love to Chunkie.

Kendal Mint Cake Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sending love to Chunkie.


Me too...

Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Even if you believe in God, it's silly to believe that all good things come from God and that all bad things come from Satan.

Some of the nicest members I know have struggled with fertility issues, lost jobs, cancer, etc... Some of the worst people I know seem to be "richly blessed". To believe that God would curse you for not believing the unbelievable BS that is mormonism, while it may take some time to get over, is also silly.

I know that I'm probably going to deal with job loss, family illness, etc... at some point. I have a feeling that my TBM family will consider any bad thing that comes my way a curse, but I don't look at it that way. Some things just happen. It's actually pretty sick to think that God would curse you, or worse, your child for something you've done. Kind of lot God cursing all the Lamanite children for their parent's wickedness...what a terrible curse, an attractive skin tone.

Sh!* happens in life and sometimes really sh!*ty sh!* happens and it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with religion or gawd or any of that crap. It is what it is and it is just life.

Thanks all. So glad i posted this. It was really bothering me, but feeling more sane by knowing I'm not alone in having to work through the bugs of deprogramming the cult rubbish.

Poem, read some of the brain stuff about depression. A lot of it has to do with repeating negative self-talk over and over until it just drags you down so low. Non-depressed people don't do this. They get a little down, but they don't go on repeating the same mantras and beating themselves up. They give themselves a mental shake and refute the negative self-talk with a corrective statement and then move on.

Read some self-help or get some counseling on this. Break the broken record!

Is it any wonder so many TBM's have severe depression? The Bishop would tell everyone NOT to listen to self help guru's or positive talking to ones self because it was a waste of time. The only way to real happiness was by following the Gospel.

Exactly! Repent, pray and read your scriptures. If you're not overcome by the spirit and pure joy, you're not doing it right...do it some more! If you still get nothing, maybe God just wants you to be depressed...pray to know why God has given you this trial. This is extremely dangerous thinking.

As clearly as I know my own name I remember our Bishop telling everyone to stay away from the book 'The Secret' because it was all just complete nonsense to him.

As soon as I left TSCC I had to read it and continue to follow suggestions from this book. They (the leaders) have no idea just how dangerous their thinking really is and how much it harms the members, because when you tell others NOT to get educated and find answers on your own you keep people in complete darkness and limited by the restraints of a man made religion.

They don't want you to see the light or to be happy.

And piss on it, use blasphemous words over & over/...
Nothing will hurt you.

This sounds humorous, but it was a key factor in me breaking the spell. I'd gotten the phone call that my daughter had died by suicide. My last prayer was basically, I need some real help here, now. Something. Anything. And.....nothing. After that, there were many times I'd raise my middle finger to the heavens. Yea, nothing happened then either. Life: a blend of natural consequences and random chance.

How sad Dorothy. I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry God wasn't there in your deepest time of need. He wasn't there for ours either.