Specifically, I think I have lost some trust in the goodness of people in general and I notice myself avoiding people.
I don't have panic attacks when I go out or anything, I just would rather be alone. When I think about it, it feels like my years as a Mormon with so many forced meetings and backbiting and false friends has left me damaged.
I feel kindly towards people, just don't want to get close.
Will I ever get over it? (I've been out a long time)
Yes. I feel the same way. We recently moved into a new neighborhood and wish I could build relationships with neighbors but feel it isn't worth it and am probably a bit of a hermit.
I feel the exact same way. After years of faking being overly happy all the time and feeling forced to be nice to people who didn't deserve it for the sake of my reputation its hard for me to believe that anyone else's niceness is actually genuine.
+1 Maybe after awhile you start assuming no one is genuine or cares about how you really feel, because that's the reality 95% of the time being Mormon. All the while being told that you're cared about so much by other members, but that doesn't mean they care about who you really are or your deeper feelings.
the Black / White way that life choices are presented in Mormonism suggests that approach to relationships as well as moral - ethical - sexual (and other) choices we all make;
parents (esp. moms?) feel safer if their children's mates are all LDS, it becomes the default expectation.
in turn, the children grow up around that, life with Mormons 'proves' the safety/comfort of coloring inside the lines.
I often didn't feel that sociable with the ultra-righteous TBMs. I was a very good girl but my best friend was someone that was not a molly. Friends I had in high school or grew up with closely suddenly got really weird after they went off to BYU. I started to question their motives and sincerity. The girl I knew since I was four years old seemed to pull away from me for her more TBM righteous friends. Maybe I was just too much of a "rebel" for her because I wanted to go to rock concerts. It was tough. I suddenly felt like an outcast. One night I went to a TBMs party and I felt so out of place. I went home and thank goodness there was someone for me to talk with online. It helped having someone in cyberspace talk me down. I had more sincere friends on the net than I had at church.
I still have a hard time with trust. I've become involved in some clubs in my hobby but there is so much drama that it's becoming stressful to be a part of it. Maybe it's just me. I'd rather be at home reading a book or watching something good on TV rather than playing nice with people that will stab and have stabbed me in the back. (These are not mormons, either.) What really frustrates me is the clubs break up, a new one starts, and then some of the people that were completely dissed end up going back to a club with the back stabbers in it. They say they want to start new and fresh. I personally think they are setting themselves up for more heartache. It seems like every time I try and give someone a second chance I regret it.
An antisocial person is a rulebreaker, someone who violates the basic rules that keep a social group stable. They seek personal advantage at the expense of other individuals & ultimately at the expense of social order.
What you're describing might be better termed "asocial" -- just "not sociable." There's nothing wrong with a healthy level of distrust. Unless you find yourself completely unable to function in the community, you're probably within the normal range. It sounds to me like all that has really happened is you lost your youthful naivete. That's just part of growing up. :)
It is taking me a very long time to grow up. TSCC messed me up and it seems to be taking me longer to get all those stupid ideas out of my head.
I'm not a great communicator and I am shy. I do manage to get along okay at work. Part of my problems is that some of the best friends I have made since moving out of Utah have also moved to other places. I stay in touch but I can't exactly go out to dinner with them and what not. So I have these hobbys where I can make friend but the drama...Maybe I need to do something more voluntary. I've thought about joining up with Big Brothers and Big Sisters. I'm thinking that might be good for me and good for my "little". I keep saying I'm going to check it out so I guess I need to get to it.
Before TSCC i was so outgoing and social. After joining at age 19, and since i hated social engagements and had a social anxiety, and developed depression.
I am now having to force myself back into socialising with normal rather than dysfunctional people. It is getting easier, and a few beers at the same time works as well. BUt i can definitely say that TSCC damaged me in ways that I am still discovering, and I am mad as hell about it. Luckily I have a supportive wife and we are doing it together as she has had some similar issues socially as well.
I have to agree that I don't trust people much. Right now I'm working on being more assertive, since my reward in heaven is no longer increased by being nice to *everyone.* Theoretically, once I'm comfortable with moderate amounts of assertive behavior I'll be able to tell people when they do something I don't like and they will behave better OR at least my anger will no longer simmer and burn into depression. I've had mixed results with my carefully chosen efforts, which is, ta dah!, normal.